So my preteen stepson finally gave me the “you’re not my father” response.
So for a bit of a background, I am previously widowed with one child and my wife is previously widowed with 2 boys. We’ve been married for 5 years, and we have 2 girls together. The oldest is now 12 year old. I have always made it a point to consider all the kids at home our kids, and I always encourage them to honor the memory of their biological father.
So as with all preteens, this one is turning into a little jerk, which is probably the way I was at that age as well. So he is on his phone way too much and doesn’t do his chores or school work, but the worst thing is that he never takes responsibility for his actions. He never just owns up to his mistakes and always tries to deflect the blame on someone else. And then he starts being upset and starts yelling and hits his brother.
Anyway a couple nights ago after doing nothing all day, my wife and I sat down with him and discussed his behavior, and as always, he deflected. I lost it and started yelling at him. I was careful not to say anything actually insulting like calling him lazy etc.
I basically told him that he screwed up and I can’t confront him about it during the day because his deflection will just make the house intolerable for everyone else. So I waited until everyone else was already asleep.
He then started talking about stuff I did and I told him that every time he brings up stuff I don’t do right, I always own up to my mistakes, and I said that if he were on his phone all day and would have just said “I will work on it”, I would have been ok with that, but I can’t stand his constant deflecting and blaming others. He then went upstairs crying.
That was 2 days ago. Today he complained about something that I did and I asked him how he would like me to handle the situation differently going forward. He responded by saying “I don’t care. You are just the guy who married my mom and nothing else. I have to share a house with you, but nothing more. You are just like a roommate to me now.”
I responded by saying “Well that only goes one direction. I will always consider you my son and you can approach me whenever you want. You can’t say anything to change that.”