I just found out that my wife has an OnlyFans page! and that is not the problem!!
So, I am simply here because I want to talk, I want to feel like I am talking to the abyss. It is more of me talking out loud.
I met my wife back in June 2020, she is a therapist and she comes from a conservative family with a very traditional background. I was the one who is crazy and always outgoing and she loved that about me. In a way, I was her window toward another world. I enjoyed that! It felt like I am bringing something new to the table.
We embarked on a journey of true living without limits or restrictions. I still remember the day she farted (she couldn’t help it) and I kissed her and hugged her and told her, Yeah, I want you to be yourself. I don’t want you to feel ashamed or embarrassed. I know it is stupid but it meant a lot to me! in a way it was an indication that she is becoming more outgoing and more relaxed with herself around me.
We had so many interesting discussions about the definition of love, religion, healthy relationships & everything you could ever think of. OnlyFans models (workers) was one of those topics…you know the why’s, the how’s, and the what’s. I remember making a joke and I said if you start your OnlyFans page, you will make a fortune because you got it all… the beauty, the body, the intelligence, and kindness. She really did not take it well despite my attempts in explaining that it was a joke, a bad joke if I may add.
Almost 2 weeks ago she sat next to me and revealed her chest to me. I started putting my mouth on it… at that time, I noticed that her phone was recording, it was like a voice memo… I did not mind and I did not ask… we are both out there and we both enjoy our intimate lives a lot, it was strange that she did not tell me about it but I did not think much of it.
4 days ago, I came across a post for an OnlyFans page, it was hers! I recognized the background and what she was wearing. I am not gonna lie, My heart was beating so fast while I was going through subscribing to her page of excitement! It was such a turn on (the idea this could be my wife).
There she was, looking beautiful & hot. I watched every post, I read every word, & I even liked every single post of hers.
Fast forward an hour or so, I started freaking out, I never thought I would act like this finding out my wife has an OnlyFans page! then my brain started wondering about the idea that this might be considered cheating?! not because she offered herself and her body but because she kept it hidden from me! is there anything missing in our life? am I not enough? is it an experiment?
Then, I decided to go back to the page again and pay more attention to anything I might have missed. apparently, there is something called a tips menu (it is like a menu of services with prices next to each service) and I saw audio recording is one of the services! which reminded me of that time when I noticed she was recording the time we had.
Again, I felt excited about it, so excited that I even paid to see the video and texted her on OnlyFans that I am a new fan and I like what she has on her page.
This is my problem!! Why am I excited? should I be anything else other than feeling excited about this?!!
I am not really looking for an answer! I am just here speaking my mind and loud.