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Saturday, November 26, 2022


I am single, early 30s, average-looking, well-mannered, and working as an IT professional. Studied Comp Sci about a decade ago because I thought it was interesting and had some aptitude for that discipline but unfortunately, now having doubts if I should continue working in the same sector.


I was (very unfortunately) the victim of a scam 2 years ago and it wiped out a significant portion of my savings. I tried to find a second source of income to recoup my loss but very unfortunately I failed to find something that works for me. E-commerce, writing E-books, affiliate marketing, options – I have tried them all but there is nothing substantial I have gained from them monetarily so far and I kind of regret spending money into attend courses (Dropshipping, writing E-books, affiliate marketing, options). And I ended up doing grab food deliveries on a adhoc basis, when I have some free time.

My savings just exceeded a limit of 4 digits this month and based on my (conservative) estimation/calculation it will probably take me 2.5 years to get to 50k, which may not still be sufficient to settle down my future spouse after 2.5 years time from now.

Recently, my father (very unfortunately) met an accident and will not be able to walk for at least 6 months. (And the implication of that will be that I have to fork out money to pay for more bills/items what will support his recovery and also taking care of him will mean lesser free time to do grabfood deliveries, which is my 2nd source of income)

I have been wanting to find a partner to settle down but I do find that because of my financial circumstances I should stay out of the dating scene for 2.5 years.


And yes, if I do that the 2.5 years of waiting out it will be kind of sad.

I found myself in a state of languishing for one year+ that came about working from home was implemented due to covid. I am in the process of moving out of that state. I have decided to set my focus on going for casual social events to just get to make more friends instead, trying to be contented with what I have. And also, spend some time to work on myself – work on my low self-esteem, learn to love myself and cultivate a growth mindset.

I understand wealth is beyond money and savings and I still have things I can share and bless other people with.

Sadly, I cannot deny that my measly savings is an issue and will affect my ability to settle down with another in the near future. (I understand that as a guy, I should have a substantial amount of savings for wedding and buying a flat/reno/furniture and give that bit more comfort/security to ‘her’)

So the question is … Should I continue waiting out of the dating scene for 2.5 years or should just go to dates now (or maybe half a year, after the condition of my father gets better)?


I feel like if I go on dates now, the other party is actually wasting ‘her’ time on me and I also noticed that (based on past experience) when I meet someone that is my type, I feel like she is too good for me – like they deserve to be with someone better, not with not me. Because of this, I don’t have much BGR experience. And I suppose being painfully aware of my financial situation, I feel like I am low SES no one would want to date.

But I would very much prefer to go on dates now.

Such is the tension between my heart and my head.

[This concern(s) have been bothering me for some time and I decided to pen down my thoughts/feelings here – to externalize them. I am not expecting much from this putting this post out here but will definitely appreciate constructive feedback/responses from the readers here (if you have them). Thank you.]

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