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Friday, March 1, 2024
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MARRIED MAN KEEP TEXTING FEMALE FRIEND BEHIND WIFE’S BACK

I (married 32F) have known Paul and his wife Lucy (mid-30s) since 2013. They are mutual friends through my best friend Carol. Not close but I was invited to their parties for years.

Lucy is very introverted, but I’d talk to her at parties because I’m more comfortable around women. Paul was intimidating as a sarcastic IT guy but we got along fine too.

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2 years ago I discovered bodybuilding and went from being overweight to being very fit. At a party, Paul being into lifting had a MILLION questions about it that I was happy to answer.

After, I started getting uninvited. Paul asked Carol and I if we’d help paint his house. When I agreed he retracted just for me bc they could only feed so many. I said that was fine but to let me know, I was in competition prep so I couldn’t eat their food anyway, which was ignored.

I was invited to Carol’s party and tried making small talk – Paul was aloof/Lucy inscrutable. They left shortly after.

Paul FB msged me – the bodybuilding conversation had triggered Lucy’s body insecurities; she wanted him to have nothing to do with me. He loves her but couldn’t dissuade her. He felt bad being rude to me when I’d done nothing. I expressed empathy for her anxiety/insecurities as I know those well still. I felt bad but was also mildly insulted – I’m happily married.

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I was invited to an event with Carol,others, and Paul. No Lucy. I took pictures and Paul asked me not to post them. He admitted he knew I was coming but hadn’t told Lucy. I had already FB restricted Lucy – as a former overwt girl I felt VERY weird/sad that I’d made her insecure and that someone who suddenly disliked me could watch my personal life.

Since then he has occ texted me asking how my sport is going. He helped me build my PC with my husband/I home when my friend who was going to bailed. I consider him a not close friend. I’m certain he doesn’t tell Lucy anything. It makes me feel uncomfortable but he’s a friend, I see him twice a year, it’s their business? AITA?

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