AITA? Do I really deserve this treatment?
I hope you all can help me understand. It’s a long one, but I appreciate it if you read till the end. Will do my best to keep it as short as I can.
I used to be close to this person (I’ll call her Manda for reference) and she was one of my close friend for years. Not sure if it’s important, but, I’m a guy. And no, Manda is not my crush, or gf, or more. Just a very close friend, pure platonic.
In 2016, Manda excitingly told me a great news about her studying in the UK. Thing is, I was excited, but, at that time when she told me, lots of bad things happened to me. My university struggles, my toxic family problems, financial issues, and my pet nearly passed away and I struggled to find the money to bring my pet to the vet, etc. So my response towards her news isn’t exactly the best, but, I didn’t react that bad. All I said was “That’s really great”. She tried to keep the excitement, to which I responded “That’s good”. I then told her “Listen, I’m happy for you, I really am, but, I need some time alone for a bit. So much bad things going on with me now.. I’m sorry. I hope you understand..I am happy for you, but, I’ll get back to you about this as soon as I can”. She didn’t reply after that.
Days, turned to weeks, everytime I texted her about her day, or anything to do with her studies, she gave me the cold shoulder. She responded harshly and sarcastically. Mind you that I don’t understand social cues as fast as anyone. But when I noticed the passive-aggressive response, I asked her, “Did I do anything wrong?” to which she said “Oh. Refer back to the text when I told you the great news of me going to the UK”. So I did and… I still don’t see anything wrong really.
She then said “I was so excited to tell you the news, you were the first one I told, and yet, that’s your response? You were being rude and you hurt me a lot.” I’m still…confused. I then asked her “Just because of that? I mean…why didn’t you tell me before? It’s a small thing, we could’ve talk…I did told you bad things were happening to me, but, I didn’t say I wasn’t happy for you though”. She then generally just lash out on me. Saying I’m not a good friend, saying that I’m a horrible person.
I begged her to meet up, or at least talk to me about this, but she refused. There’s still many bad things happening to me that time and I don’t understand why she wants to add more…she doesn’t even bother asking me what I was going through…yet, I apologized to her, I said its my fault, I was begging so hard, but she decided to ignore me all the way. She decided to cut me off. Months passed, and she still ignores me.
The day comes when she’s gonna fly to the UK, and I found out one of her bestfriend couldn’t make it, which made Manda sad. I contacted her bestfriend and planned on something crazy, to which her bestfriend agreed. That day, in the morning, I drove all the way to Melaka, Malaysia, picked Manda’s bestfriend up, and drove all the way back to Singapore. At the airport, I was scared to see Manda cause of the tension we had. Right before her flight, everyone gathered (but not me, I was a lil hidden while keeping distance), and Manda was so surprised to see her bestfriend present that day. Her bestfriend said “Oh, it’s all thanks to him (me). He drove all the way to pick me up so I could see you”. Manda…didn’t say a word about it. She saw me, but she didn’t bother saying hello or…anything…not even a smile. She was just with everyone else. Hours later, she flew to the UK. I didn’t get to say goodbye… I then send Manda’s bestfriend back to Melaka, and drove all the way back to Singapore.
Days later, Manda blocked me everywhere, and I found out she had been bad mouthing me to everyone. No one believed her description about how bad I am to her, but still…why would she do that…I cried and cried for months, wondering what exactly did I do so bad…
7 years passed, her bestfriend got married recently, and invited me. I went in the wedding hall, and…I saw Manda. She saw me, rolled her eyes, and walked to a different direction. I immediately just leave a gift for her bestfriend, took one photo, and walked away from the hall. I didn’t eat anything there. As I reached home, I cried till my heart feels like stopping.
What exactly do I do wrong…please be honest with me…do I deserve to be punished this way…I have apologized, I even tried to make it up to Manda by driving all the way to pick her bestfriend up to see her on her day to fly to the UK…is that effort not enough? In the past, Manda can hurt me so much, but I always forgive her and give her the chance to talk…why is it when I do it one time, I’m the bad guy?
If you read all the way, thank you for your time. Please do tell me if I’m the one who messed up..please let me learn..