I (56f) have 2 kids, Cara (22) and James (25) *Not real names*.
Their father (we’ve been divorced for 21 years) died in January. He had a life insurance policy that went to me. I decided to split the money between Cara, James, and their half-brother Roy. It amounted to around $30k each. I gave Cara and Roy their money immediately, but I am withholding James’s cut.
Cara and Roy are very responsible. Roy is married and adopted a baby with his husband. Cara graduated uni in 3 years, bought a home in December, and recently adopted a dog. She makes less than $40k a year, but is good at saving money.
Then there’s James. Since uni, he hasn’t held down a job for more than a year. Him and his girlfriend live rent-free with one of their friends in another HDB. They steal most of their groceries and clothes. I believe the girlfriend is using him for money. He has paid for all her travel, her medical bills, and her car.
Recently, James has gotten deep into conspiracies. When we talk on the phone, he devolves into rants about the new world order. Recently, he told me that he is interested in how some cult endorses killing family members. He went on a long rant about how Cara is undeserving of her house and her dog. He said it isn’t fair that she gets handed things while he gets scraps.
I tried to explain that Cara works hard at multiple jobs. She also did not buy her dog from a breeder, she adopted her off online. James accused me of financially supporting her (I’m not) but not him, then hung up. I found out from James’s roommate that he started planning a trip to visit us and that he bought a gun.
I invested the money and plan to give it to him when he is in a better place. Right now, he doesn’t even know about it. I fear that the girlfriend will burn through the money or he will spend it on branded stuff. James has not asked me for any money. If he did, I would pull some of that money out to give him.
I talked to my family about the situation and they said that I am wrong for withholding James’s money and not telling him about it.