m I wrong for staying mad at my mother?
My (25M) mother is the typical Asian Chinese auntie where their pride is everything and won’t ever admit that it’s their own fault. Whenever she’s losing in an argument she would get mad, do the silent treatment, ignoring any communications to her (or just yelling at you that the conversation was over if you tried to continue it) and even recoiling at touch as if you’re dirty. She never apologises but still show affections through actions to try to make things up. It has happened so many times that I have once broke down and cried in front of her because of it. Usually it lasts for a day and then it’s fine, but it is eating at my patience whenever it happens.
Last week I made a tiramisu and made a smaller portion for my colleagues. And she just told me how much am I leaving for hers (I have given extras for her to take for them in the past) and assumed that I had made for them. This sets me off (in the past whenever I would cook for myself she would always ask me to cook for the rest as well after I’m almost finished, due to external family drama I had give up my room and share with my 23F sister. I had to share a lot of things with no say in it and it has f-ed me up because of it) and I plainly refused, calling her colleagues “strangers that I don’t know”. This offends her and we go through the same song and dance.
I tried to tell her that I had boundaries for whenever I make food but she kept shutting me up. And after stewing at work for a few days contemplating this, I realised I will keep going through this same thing over and over as she never learns. That’s when the resentment started and grew.
This is the second time we’ve gone through arguing and going silent for days, only now I’m extending it. She tried to make up, arranging for a restaurant reservation next week, and I honestly can’t anymore. She asked if it was about the tiramisu at first, but when I started to explain it was because of her she got mad & just immediately left, proving my point.
I’m not sure whether is this a uniquely Singaporean/SEAsian thing or I might actually need therapy. We had planned a trip to S.Korea in October, and I told her to settle accommodation for herself because I really really can’t be bothered anymore (this also had a whole load of stress & issues from her side). I want to & to say that I love my mom, but now everytime I look at her, I get reminded of the person she is and it makes my stomach turn slightly. I’m at my wits end here
TLDR: Got into yet another argument with my mom, I realised things will never change after some time and now resent her & want nothing to do with her anymore.
Update – Hey guys, thanks for the comments and words.
Some background about her colleagues, the ones that I know of are very nice. They would often treat others to meals (including my mom) or gift home cooked dishes. I guess my mom thought of my treats/desserts as a way to repay the kindness which does upset me when I thought about it.
As some suggested to try to make up or personally change, else my memory of her will be tainted and unsalvageable especially when her time comes, so I will try to communicate with her. She isn’t malicious on purpose, she just sucks at being empathetic and has a short fuse (something I inherited from her unfortunately). If it doesn’t work out, at least I can say that I tried and try to hold onto that precious memory that I have of her
For those that suggested moving out, I can’t, not in this economy lmao.