I was forced into an expensive funeral by my relatives. Should I cut off contact with them?
My mother had a stroke after chemo and was hospitalised in July. One of the aunties got her undertaker ‘friend’ visit and discuss funeral arrangements with my distraught father.
My father was pretty pissed as he was pretty hopeful for a recovery and wanted my mother to live.
Relatives wanted a grand 3 day funeral and nice niche instead of my arrangement of 1 day funeral and scatter ashes into eco garden. Got called unfilial and ungrateful. Some Chinese cultural thing about having grand funeral and big face culture. Said they will help with expenses and anything if I asked.
Plot twist: Same auntie asked for my mother’s gold jewellery, claiming there was an arrangement before she died. Don’t know if she’s bullshitting or not. Claims that she promised the gold will be sold and money used to ‘help’ me(the son) incase anything happens. She’s not giving me the money directly.
Fast forward to actual day mother died. One other relative wanted to ‘volunteer’ their funeral undertaker services as they are running one. They quoted 12k for funeral arrangement excluding 4k niche. Current one was around 7.5k and 3k for niche. Asked about current funeral arrangements and constantly complained how the current funeral arrangements were lacking. Granted the namo lou was quite unprofessional and expensive (350 per chanting session, wtf man).
1.Should I cut off contact with them after this? I don’t foresee myself wishing to see them for CNY or ever.
2.I find it hard to respect or follow Chinese customs after these particular incidents. Is it normal for Chinese customs to be so extravagant and expensive? Can I choose not to follow? How will the other Chinese view this?
- Are there cheaper funerals? I feel very very indignited about paying for the niche and monk services. 350 per chanting session is very expensive. I had to employ him for 6 sessions including 3 day funeral, niche, Tou Qi and Qi Qi. I threw a huge fit at hearing the fees about how Chinese Buddhism is a farce and chinese funeral customs are bullshit.
Sorry for long rant. Just had to get this off my chest and look for opinions anonymously. I am seriously sick of the exploitive funerals and relatives. I don’t know how the next generation can cope with these BS customs.