So my Ah Lian girlfriend of two years has been barking in my ear for months about getting a Chanel Classic Flap. Every day open TikTok, show me those influencer unboxing videos, then do the puppy eye look. “Babe, all my sisters got branded bag already, only me don’t have. You don’t love me is it?”
Classic emotional blackmail. Fine.
I bite the bullet, clear half my savings, almost want to sell one kidney on Carousell, and went down to the boutique to buy for her birthday. Handed over $14k cash like a total simpsausage. She was so happy that night, hug me like I won the 4D group 1 jackpot.
Fast forward to last night. We went to a hawker centre for dinner. She was super protective of the bag, placing it carefully on a clean tissue paper on the plastic chair next to her, constantly checking if anyone was walking too close with soup.
Everything was fine until she walked over to queue for sugar cane juice.
When she came back to the table, her face was completely black. She sat down, didn’t drink her juice, and just stared intensely at her bowl of noodles in total silence. I knew something was wrong, but in true Singaporean fashion, I waited three minutes before asking, “Okay or not?”
She leaned in close, lowered her voice to a furious whisper, and hissed through gritted teeth: “KNN real one people think also fake one. Waste money only.”
Turns out, while waiting in line, two xiao meimeis standing behind her gossip about her bag. They just looked at her bleached hair and fake eyelashes, looked down at her bag, glanced at each other, and gave that subtle, judgey little side-eye and smirking nod. No big scene, just pure, lethal, local passive-aggression.
Now she’s sulking in private, grumbling that her whole vibe makes the real bag look like it came from a Taobao live stream. She even quietly asked if we can sell it on Carousell so she can buy 20 pairs of sneakers instead.
I ask you all, how to win? Buy fake, I’m cheap. Buy real, she gets stressed by silent hawker centre judgment. Next time I just carry the NTUC red plastic bag for her, at least nobody will judge the authenticity.