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Monday, June 24, 2024


Hi, I would like to seek some advice on this. Many years ago, my father married my mother, who was previously from China but obtained her Singapore citizenship after the marriage.


However, after their marriage, my mother insisted for her parents to move over to their house so they can work to earn salaries as cleaners and send their money back to China to their other sons.

Father initially refused, but gave in because he was told it was only temporary

My father initially refused as he felt very uncomfortable with staying with his in-laws, but caved in as my mother was very insistent.

Fast forward till today (20 years later), my grandparents are still staying in the house, even when they have previously promised my dad that their stay would only had been temporary.

My dad has talked to them NUMEROUS times to ask if it’s okay for them to go back to China (for many reasons like comfort, renovating the house, etc) but they simply refused to leave and kept begging him to let them stay for a few more years to work.


My dad also had quarrelled with my mum many times over this issue but my mum will just bring up divorce to make him cave in. My grandparents just simply won’t leave and every time they say “a few more years” it just became more and more.

Useless PRC uncles in China addicted to gambling, yet addiction still fed by my grandparents

They aren’t the typically elderly, they are fit and healthy and their sole reason for staying here is just to work and earn money for their sons (who I heard were addicted to gambling).

They earn around $3k a month from intense over time and after so many years, still feel it was not enough. They are also not that poor in China, as they own pieces of land and a whole farm.

Also, there are alot of issues when it comes to their living habits. On multiple occasions, they have left tissue paper in the washing machine, causing a mess and left the stove on while they take a nap in their room (major fire hazard).

On two occasions, they spread covid to the whole family because they don’t have the habit of wearing masks while they work and don’t wash their hands when they get back home. My dad raised these issues up to them several times but they always just acknowledge it and do it again.


They do pay some rent to my dad but the money isn’t the problem, my dad just want to lead a comfortable and quiet life in the house without constantly worrying about his in laws burning the house down (especially since he’s retired).

Just feels like they are leeching off my dad and his Singapore citizenship

At this point, it feels like they’re just leeching off my dad because they just expect him to accept their behaviour and persistence to stay, simply because they married their daughter .

And my dad has always unwillingly gain in to them. But recently, my grandparents’ son’s daughter (20+ yo) has decided to come to Singapore and now my mother is insisting my dad to let her stay at our house again.

I REFUSED to let this happen especially since my dad seem to have developed signs of stress and anxiety over this issue and me and my sibling would also appreciate not having some relative we have never seen before stay over in the house for months.

We don’t even know this girl well enough but my mum is willing to quarrel with my dad and me over letting her stay over.

I really hope to get some advice on this issue, specifically how to prevent the girl from staying over (my mum is planning to go town council to get her name into the house’s occupier list tmr) and how to potentially get my grandparents to stop leeching off my dad, cos it’s causing him a great deal of stress and I just can’t stand to see my dad in such a state.

PS: Thanks for all the advice, to add on, my dad don’t really want to divorce at this moment, I think cos he still feels some love towards my mum, but it’s stressing him out so much that he is contemplating about it, but probably not the first choice he seeks.

PS: I went into my mum’s room and tried to explain that I’m uncomfortable with someone I don’t know living here and wanted to understand why that girl couldn’t rent a room. Got screamed at for being not understanding and left with tears. Sighhh I really don’t feel like she’s treating me as a family and I don’t know, I don’t feel the need to give her anything when I start working.

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