First of all, context. Family is very well-to-do. Mom doesn’t work (though she has a law degree) but dad ran his own law firm for 30 years, recently retired.
This is an issue with parents not paying for my wedding.
Mom doesn’t get involved in things. Dad has refused to speak to my girlfriend since we started dating and it’s all because my girlfriend is a Chinese-speaking, practicing Taoist from a poor family in Malaysia, and a vegetarian.
My dad is a banana. Doesn’t speak Chinese at all, read law at Cambridge (PSC scholar), freethinker. Doesn’t think I should marry this girl because she has a large low-income family and an even larger low-income extended family and he thinks I am getting myself into a lot of trouble by marrying her. My girlfriend doesn’t know English very well, so she prefers to speak Mandarin with a heavy Malaysian accent. She’s from a small town in Malaysia. She came to Singapore to work but her family are all still back in Kedah. She goes back often. I’ve been there a couple of times.
My girlfriend requested if we could have two banquets, one in Singapore and one for her extended family and friends back in her hometown. My dad told me if I had chosen to marry a middle-class Singapore girl from an English-speaking family he would’ve paid for everything. He would have also bought us a condo and a car. But since I have decided to marry this girl, which to him isn’t a very smart thing to do, he will not pay for anything.
My older brother married his JC sweetheart from Hwa Chong and my dad literally paid for a Fullerton Hotel banquet, an entry level Lexus, and they are in the process of looking for a condo, will also be paid for by my dad. Besides the point.
I don’t have money right now for a wedding, let alone 2. My fiancé said that the wedding in Malaysia is a must, and my parents have to go to Kedah for a bride price negotiation ritual that my dad has categorically refused to participate. Called it idiotic. My mom has also called it “incredibly stupid” and refused to come with me to Malaysia without my dad. My fiancé’s parents said they wouldn’t agree to the marriage if all of these formalities are not done. My fiancé is powerless. She has a rather meek personality.
My fiancé doesn’t want to register our marriage before these formalities are done because she feels she needs her parents’ blessing or else she wouldn’t be able to face her family. Wants me to find a way to convince my parents to participate. My dad has repeatedly used the phrase “third-world bullshit” and I don’t think he’s ever coming around. One way is to convince my mom to do it alone but she’s as much of a banana as my dad is and she also hates tradition.
I feel stuck because my fiancé’s wants her parents’ blessing, her parents will only give us their blessing if my parents participate in the rituals and come to an agreement, but my parents do not agree to my marrying this girl in the first place. Even if this first part is done, I still have no money for a banquet.
Advice?