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Friday, February 23, 2024
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“THREE IS NOT A CROWD” – MARRIED MAN GETS A 2ND GF & SHARES HER WITH HIS WIFE

How do I open up to my conservative friends and family about our girlfriend in a polyamorous (MFF) relationship?

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My wife and I have been happily married for 4 years. Six months ago, we both found a girl (I’ll refer to her as C) who melted our hearts. We both went on separate dates with C and eventually she moved in with us.

My wife isn’t mentally prepared to have children yet, but C recently got off contraception after a consensus decision.

We never felt a need to talk about our relationship with others, and many of them think we are just close friends, but we realize it has become somewhat pressing that I inform those around me about our relationship.

When we first started dating, I was able to open up about all of the ups and downs to my best (male) friend. But one day, his fiancee audited his texts and told her that she didn’t approve of him talking to me about polyamory – which I thought was quite petty and insecure – and so I lost that pillar of support.

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Many of my close friends are in very committed marriages that motivate their normative views of what makes an acceptable family unit. I tried to steer conversations towards this topic a few times, but no one seems to take it seriously.

The most frustrating response is when you can tell that they think it’s some form of infidelity or fetish.

I also tried to gauge my parents’ opinion on this and asked casually if they were OK if I sought a second wife.

But my mother was vehemently against it with all kinds of non sequitur reasoning, such as “You don’t have enough time to take care of both wives.” (I’m usually the one being taken care of!)

This ended in an argument when I pointed out that it was unfair that they didn’t oppose our Muslim family friends for having second wives.

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I already had a hard time years ago when I first introduced my wife as they weren’t expecting her to be Caucasian.

And now that my parents have warmed up to my wife and really dote on her, I feel they’ll be even more outraged if they knew I was about to start a family with C.

My wife and I want C to feel co-equal in our relationship and don’t want her to have an awkward introduction to my friends or family.

It’s quite frustrating that everyone is accepting of the relationship in my wife’s and C’s social circles (my wife is American and C is Dutch), but it is only my Singaporean side that comes across as dogmatic and intolerant.

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