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Saturday, December 3, 2022
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TOXIC COUPLE FIGHTING OVER GIFTS FOR EACH OTHER, GF WANTS RING & IPHONE

Just got off a relationship after a year+ and want to put things in perspective for myself. Probably gonna garner lots of hate comments also, but I’m kinda already broken over this so I guess I can still take a little more.

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I (27F) am into the idea of gifting but my ex (31M) is not. It doesn’t have to be big and expensive, but I feel it shows how much you think of a person. My ex wasn’t well-to-do. His take home pay is about $3K and he has family expenses to take care of. For me, I’m better off financially in the sense that I earn slightly more and have less financial burden.

At the start of our relationship last year, it was all nice and rosy. I was using a crappy iPhone 6 last year and complaining to him how shitty my phone was. He told me he’d get a new iPhone for me when it launch but I thought he was just joking and didn’t take it seriously until he showed me his purchase proof. I was super touched and bought a gift for him… it was significantly smaller like $400+ but I knew it was on his wishlist. Over the course while waiting for the phone to deliver from Apple store, we had an argument and he gave his mom the iPhone instead. I wasn’t upset over it nor did I make a fuss and decided to get 1 for myself instead (this detail will come in later). Over the course of the next few months, he’d buy little random things for me like iPhone cover, computer mouse bla bla and I’d reciprocate with sending meals to him and some other random small items.

Our relationship is somewhat rocky and we always quarrel over small things. We text more than we meet just cos of our work situation and his commitments but we update each other on everything everyday.

For my birthday in Feb, he got me AirPods. I know he’d wanted to get a ps5 and I intended to get it for him for his bday but it was sold out everywhere so I looked for it for months… almost got scammed too. But alas, we quarrelled again like weeks before his birthday over something childish I don’t remember and then he INSISTED that I should not celebrate his birthday with him (not even before or after). so seeing that there is just no point to, I cancelled my order on the ps5 (bcos mechanics wise, my home situation don’t allow me to keep it. My parents have the habit of opening my parcels making it impossible to return anything). I figured that he’d also receive it from other people since our mutual friends talked about it. That was back in May. I wanted to get him something else but it was really super hard for me to bcos ever since I got the $400+ gift for him, he stopped telling me what he wants for fear that I’d just buy it for him. I told him what I wanted to buy for him but he again insisted not to. He is very adamant when he insist on something, so I let it go at his request and took him for a meal instead. That was back in May and just a side note, I know for a fact he wasn’t Seeing anyone else behind my back.

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Fast forward to Sep, as a result of yet another quarrel over childish things, we didn’t celebrate our anni and I requested that we should make up for it cos it was important to me. We settled for a short staycation. That’s when everything went sour. Since it was anni celebration (to me), I wanted him to get me a fashion ring. I dropped many hints abt it like taking photos of what I think is nice and sending it to him asking him telling him the price and what I like etc. he didn’t say anything (like didn’t Cfm if he will get it for me or no). I’d also requested to have a nice lunch and he grumbled about it but he did say ok to it in the end. I mean… to me it was anni celebration and it isn’t every other day or month I’m asking for something. Tbh to date I still don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting a gift on an occasion. It ended up that he didn’t get me a ring and of cos I wasn’t very happy about it but I didn’t show it bcos we still had the day ahead of us and I didn’t want to ruin the mood. That day happened to be the iPhone launch day so while chatting, he said he wanted to get himself the new iPhone pm. Recalling the sweet gesture from last year, I said i want the phone too and asked if he will buy for me. He then started to complain about being poor bla bla bla. At that time I was just joking about it but over the course of the day, it gets increasingly worst. While out and shopping on the same day, I’d still say let’s visit a few jewellery store to see rings and he, by this time, had started calling me names and implying, albeit jokingly, that I’m a gold digger. obviously I become increasingly quiet as I was rather upset over his comments. He seems oblivious to it and even went on to talk about how he’d spent buying expensive wallets (cost more than my ring) newest iPhone and other nice things for his mom. I have totally no issues with him buying things for his family and in fact found it nice. I jus think it’s tactless that on the same day he called me a gold digger for requesting for an anni gift / iPhone, he is telling me about the gifts he bought for someone else.

Eventually sensing that I’m very upset with the situation, he offered to bring me to a jewellery shop… but by then it was already closed. He had the cheek to laugh and say “oh… too bad it’s close already” and no more follow ups on that.

Note: he insisted not to… but I still paid him back half my share of our expenses from staycay and all our dates. And I didn’t just expected him to gift me, i did buy a gift for him too.

Few days later I really couldn’t take it anymore and asked him about it. He went on a rant about how he is not a gift person, he don’t know what to buy, he is poor and said nasty stuff like if u are just here for the gifts then u should just leave. We quarrelled FOR DAYS over it. Not Cold War, like literally quarrelling daily over it. I told him it was about sincerity and it didn’t matter even if he had gotten me a cheap one ($10 shopee kind) and he ended up asking me if it was just $10 why can’t I get it for myself. In the end… he asked me to send him the link of what I want and he will just pay for it. I gave up on the ring after that and I guess after so much, he agreed to get me an iphone.

I found out later that he went ahead and bought iPhone pm and the new watch for himself and asked him abt mine…

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We quarrelled again and I concluded everything by telling him sincerely if it was such a dealbreaker to buy an iPhone for me, then fine, don have to get it. And this time, very begrudgingly, he relented and placed an order to buy the iPhone.

Few days later, I went over to his place by myself after a long day at work and after that as it was late, I requested that he drive me back. I don’t stay very far- just 10 mins drive away. That was when all hell broke loose. He said all sorts of nasty things like how I was the worst gf ever and I wasn’t understanding that he was tired and didn’t want to send me back and had too many requests and even brought up things like how he walked from his room to get me water from the fridge while I was there. We broke up after that and He then informed me that he cancelled the iPhone order which I was ok abt.

Another disclaimer, I would have paid him back or at least reciprocated with a gift in return like I did all other times and it’s impossible that he didn’t know that. Before this, in terms of spending, I’d put us at 51-49 with him spending just a tad bit more. I was not particular over the iPhone. Not that I was counting or anything, even when I couldn’t make it, I’d still order food delivery for him and his family on my own accord.

There were also many other issues in between but Just specific to this gifting point, I wanted to know if I was indeed asking for too much like he said.

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