My wife refuses to let me use any protection and I am frantic and concerned
I (28M) and my wife (Fiona, 25F) have been together for quite awhile and already have 2 children (3F and 6 months F).
For me, two children is more than enough. Quite frankly I would have liked to have no children, but that ship is sailed and I can’t do anything about that now.
My only solace is that I have resolved to myself that I don’t want to have any more children going forward.
I’ve tried to have this conversation with Fiona. I swear it, I have tried. But every time I try to bring up the subject of children and how I don’t want more, Fiona seems to get really agitated and upset.
She tells me that she wants a large family with a lot of children and that she’s always wanted that, and that I KNEW that when I married her, so I should have been prepared for that.
And she’s not wrong- I used to think I wanted a few children too, but I realize now that it was just culture and society telling me that that was my life’s purpose and that I’d find joy and meaning in marriage and children (which was a bald-faced LIE).
She also seems fixated on this idea that children are a “blessing from god and that if god wants us to have more children, then we will have more,” and that will be that.
I know that she has a good heart, and maybe I’m in the wrong for being so selfish and not wanting more children, but I just cannot and do not want more!
Anyway, I’ve recently been trying to reduce intimate contact of my own volition every time that Fiona’s presumably near her period (she doesn’t tell me until after it starts).
I’m also trying to reduce intimacy in general unless we use protection, but she gets upset if I want to use it. She says that using it is “not trusting the lord,” so I’m forced to either shut the whole night down or cave in and give her what she wants.
I’m concerned that if we have another child it is going to damage me, our marriage, and my relationship with the current 2 children.
I once saw a box of [you-know-what] in the trash when I took it out, that I had purchased specifically for intimate protection, and I sneakily rescued it and put the individually wrapped units back in the nightstand.
I can’t believe she would just do something like that- normally she’s good with communication but maybe this is a sore spot for her. I confronted her about it and she told me that I should never have bought them in the first place because we don’t need them.
I just feel trapped. I can’t get vasectomy either because that also seems to be a gross violation of Fiona’s religious views.
I have healthy coping mechanisms in place but over time this stuff is just beginning to bother me and I really, really, don’t want to have a third child. I’m not prepared for this.