[38m] my wife [39F] never liked me going out with my friends and we always argued over it now I stopped she started going with her friends
We have been together since our early 20s, got married mid 20s and had 3 kids in our late 20s. Even since before we had kids she never really liked me going out with my friends, I would only be allowed maximum once a week and she would always call sms and next day be upset. When I went out with my friends we would go have drinks at one of our friends houses, go for a drive, go get something to eat, hang around, talk do what most guys in their 20s and 30s do be a bit stupid and immature but not over the limit. Nothing bad or illegal immoral or unethical ever took place.
Fast forward to when we had kids, she would be very not happy and basically set the curfew at 12am for me. Have alot of talks how married and family guys my age (30s) don’t do this. She said if I went bars or clubs it would be over (i don’t like bars or clubs anyway so no issue). I do understand half where she would be coming at the time, being home alone with the kids and probably feeling lonely. From my side of the argument I would always say but you can go out with your friends too the next night, and the kids are already sleeping so im out for only 4 hours really, its like im watching 2 movies in the next room. My time seeing my friends would be stressful, always watching the time, my phone and my messages then dreading opening the door when I get home to be told off.
Anyway fast forward to me being close to my late 30s, I slowly succumbed to the view and idea that staying home with the family is the thing to do. I’ll be also honest and say perhaps I got it out of my system, got older more tired and enjoy sitting home now. To be perfectly fair I had my fun had the time with my friends (perhaps not as much as I wanted to and always under the fear of not being gone too long but I did)
And Now suddenly came a time where she made some new younger friends (late 20s) and they are going out to bars and having girls drinks. I find it very hypocritical and very hurtful. I think the part that hurt me the most is she never confronted me and said look, things changed maybe I was wrong and now I want to live it up a bit go out etc. It started with her saying they are going for dinner but later she told me they went to a bar and drank until 2am. Just like that like nothing happened, everything I was told is wrong and bad for the last 15 years has been undone and is ok now.
We have had many arguments over it since, not acknowledging any of the past and making me the bad guy for getting angry at it makes me crazy. I don’t know if I am right to be angry or upset.
I am at the point where really im questioning my own reasoning and logic behind my whole attitude and logic towards the situation.
When I look at it from her side, I do understand she must of felt very alone at the time and she didn’t use to go out with her friends. Perhaps she is making up for lost time now, she must be actually so I guess its fair since I had the time with my friends.
Looking at it from my side, I did have some good times, had fun with my friends. Had constant calls and messages and a time limit along with alot arguments and lectures which slowly made me into not going out anymore.
The raw emotion of it always makes me want to break up and walk away, for the sake of our kids I could never do it and its a emotion that dies after 5 seconds but it resurfaces quiet alot.
Talking about it is not good, she gets angry at me tells me to leave the past where it is and move on.
I don’t know what I can do, probably nothing but my resentment grows and I am becoming a less happy person overall.