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Tuesday, February 11, 2025
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WIFE LIVING WITH IN-LAWS WHO KEEP MEDDLING WITH EVERYTHING THEY DO

A married woman shared her experience living with her in-laws because their BTO flat wasn’t ready yet, and urged others to think twice.

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Here is the story:

“Writing a reflective post & perhaps this reflection may help other couples in future. Long post ahead!

With the current COVID-19 situation, many couples are facing delays in collecting their keys for their BTOs. Some of my friends have also applied for the new BTO flats which will take around 5-7 years to complete.

My husband and I applied for our BTO before COVID hit. When COVID came, our BTO project also got delayed for almost a year. We were lucky enough to give up our BTO with the majority of the forfeitures waived off by HDB.

We soon bought a resale & will be collecting our keys within the next few weeks.

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For the past 1 year plus, I have been living with my in-laws. For all the couples out there who have plans on crashing with their in-laws for an extended period of time, I strongly urge you to think twice. Unless, you’re extremely understanding, tolerant, & easy-going.

Lifestyle, upbringing, & personality differences will cause a fair bit of tension & unhappiness within the household.

My in-laws’ place is a 3-gen household all cramped into a 4 room HDB flat. They are a very traditional family & have issues maintaining tidiness/cleanliness in the house. It’s a real squeeze in the house (together with all their clutter, which they refuse to throw, from over the years).

As the daughter-in-law here, I am expected to contribute to the household chores. Over the past 1 year plus, they started pushing more and more household chores to me. It’s quite a nasty feeling when I clean up the house, just for it to be messy again the following day. I literally pick up after the whole family on a daily basis.

My husband and I both work full time (our job doesn’t allow us to WFH). My husband works longer hours hence, he cannot really help out with the daily cleaning. However, he has been a great help with our dogs e.g. walking the dogs & showering them.

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Living like this for over a year has taken a great toll on both my physical health and mental health. It also affected my relationship with my husband. My nightmare becomes his nightmare.

You may be wondering why my husband and I never went out to rent a place for ourselves. I did consider it (after we moved in with them) and when my husband tried to tell my in-laws, they got really unhappy.

They asked questions like “why do you want to waste money”, “what’s wrong with my house here”, “why you cannot appreciate that we are helping you to save money” etc. The decision ended with a lot of unhappiness & my husband being stuck in the middle.

Whenever we try to suggest something or ask for their understanding regarding a matter, we are mostly met with their unhappiness. Hence, my husband and I just choose to keep quiet about everything now.

That’s not all. Remember how this is a 3-gen household? Well, the grandparent in-law loves to carry tales behind our backs & complain to my in-laws about it. The list of problems goes on and on. This post is just a small part of my current living situation. My relationship with the people in this household (except my husband) is cordial with a lot of tension.

My advice to all the other couples out there who may have intentions to live with your in-laws, I strongly urge you to rethink your choice. It’s not worth it to put your health, marriage, & relationship with your in-laws on the line.

Tbh, I had a fairly good relationship with my in-laws before we started living together. I really wish that I had someone to give me this sort of advice before I agreed to move in with my in-laws back then.

Now, my husband and I are really looking forward to moving out as soon as possible.”

Editor’s note: Hang in there, you’ll be out soon.

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