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Thursday, July 25, 2024


The First Year


I have been married for 1 year liao, dating about 3 years. (total about 4 years+), no kids.

When we first started dating, things went well and we have been living together for about 3 years including the 1 year of marriage.

However the moment we got engaged, it seems like things started going downhill.

S become from 2-3 times a day, dropping to once a month before we got engaged and now after we got married, exactly 1 S session about 10mins which was barely satisfying.

Before she used to write me love notes or make little presents or make arrange a little outing for my birthday/christmas/anniversaries. But literally the recent christmas, she bought/made/did nothing. Normally she doesn’t do anything extravagant as she is generally on a tight budget (she earns about 3k, i earn 6k), but I appreciated the little gestures. I travel alot for work and I admit I’m not home as much as I should, but in Singapore, gotta hustle to survive.


I came home from a business trip before christmas and she requested a branded bag (30% of my take home) and a cheaper branded bag each of her 3 sisters for christmas, the total cost was my entire month’s salary, including other small christmas presents including expensive coffees beans and other misc gifts that she requested (I was covering 7 countries in 3 weeks, including europe). But nothing for me? Admittedly I was quite disappointed. My birthday this year was spent overseas working, so I guess I didn’t fault her for not doing/buying anything.

In addition, I’m paying for the mortgage in cash as the house is solely in her name (3br). I took the smallest room as my study which doubles as a store room, while she took the medium room as her own study. She recently got a full time job which after which we had discussed and agreed, she was suppose to use her CPF to pay for the house, while I continue paying the cash portion.

However she said we should delay this till next year June before reconsidering. I was abit upset at this as well, but I agreed.

I’m a generally thrifty person. I dont wear branded clothes, or use branded items. The most expensive item I own is a samsung flagship phone, bought at MSRP due to my old phone drop and spoil and I needed one urgently for work while I was overseas. When dating time, she said she dont use branded stuff either except for apple. But it seems like she likes branded shoes (supergar? supreme?), clothes (supreme? OSN?), bag (Kanken, longchamp, gucci, celine). I try to give her what she wants. But I just feel like its so uneven.

Even things like our wedding rings, my ring is a $300 ring, she had to have 2 wedding rings, a bling one one and a non bling one, total $3000. Is it a must to have 2 wedding rings? She already have engagement ring that cost $3000.


Am I materialistic or calculative to feel this way?

When I bring things up, she will generally brush it off with:

“oh but i do way more housework than you.” or “I will do better, but I can’t change overnight” or my favorite “we dont have S not because I dont want, but we are too fat, you need to lose weight, you need to make a exercise program”.

I work 12-16 hours a day, 6-7 days a week and I dont have time for exercise. My job is stressful and given the choice, I would quit, but to live this life, cannot quit. I used to work in a blue collar job that was nice and kept me active, gave me sufficient time to rest, but I spent alot more time overseas in one other country/place for several months instead of coming back to Singapore and I have been putting off taking this promotion until I got married so I could spend slightly more time in Singapore (based in Singapore). For reference, I took up the promotion 2 years ago and gained 30kg (50kg to 80kg now) and I am fat compared to last time.

Our boyfriend (we’re in a thrupple) thinks we should get a divorce/annulment, he himself is already in the middle of divorce proceedings with his own wife, so I feel hes already abit biased, and we’re more like a spilt up thrupple already. She obviously doesn’t want a divorce. He already offered to let me stay with him in his apartment.

In reddit terms, AITA for feeling this way? Am I materialistic/calculative? What should I do?

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