I (27F) have this childhood friend (28F) who we met at the playground as kids 17-18 years ago when we were 10/11 years old respectively.
Whenever we hang out, she expects me to pay most of the bills because I’m “rich” which I’m definitely not. I worked hard to get to where I am now and nobody spoon-feeds me anything. I just make a considerable amount more than her. I don’t really mind paying for most of the stuff but it just kinda bugged me that she came to expect it.
Also, this year she forgot my birthday and sent me a belated text message a day later to wish me a happy birthday. But for her birthday, I texted her happy birthday and she just expected me to take her out for a birthday dinner (which I actually didn’t plan to, but made it happen anyway. I spent over $200 on dinner, dessert and drinks) but I didn’t mind it until she made this comment “yes, spend money on me” which she meant as a joke but because her actions really reflect that, it did bug me slightly.
Most recently, I had my wedding and the day before the wedding she texted me to ask if she can be “exempted from giving a red packet hahaha” which really bothered me because it’s my special day and you choose this day to be a cheapskate?! I just told her no, a red packet represents well wishes and to just give any amount she is comfortable with. In case this comes across as a cash grab, my cost per head was $250 and she only gifted me $50 which is totally fine, but the fact that she didn’t even want to gift me anything at all at first, was what annoyed me. (She also didn’t give me anything for my birthday and yet expected to be wined and dined for her birthday which I did for her).
On top of that, she has been frequently borrowing a couple of hundred from me every few months and then just splitting it into instalment packages to her convenience without asking me if I’m okay with it. Eg. I lent her $300 and she just returns me $50 per month on her own accord.
Also, for her previous engagement that was cancelled, she asked me to be her wedding emcee and do her hair and makeup which I was totally fine with, and of course she expects the red packet from me too which I would have given for sure, if the wedding wasn’t called off. Thinking of this and how she still wanted to skimp on the red packet for my wedding, just made me feel very uncomfortable as I felt taken advantage of. PS. I didn’t need her help with anything for my wedding, she just had to attend as a guest.
I feel conflicted as I feel like the relationship is very unbalanced and she’s milking me, but at the same time I feel it’s a shame to let go of the friendship as she’s easily one of my longest friend.
Still keep her as a friend or move on?