My mother-in-law (MIL) is selfish
This is my rant. If I rant to hubby, it will affect our r/s. If I rant to others, especially those who know her, the words may get out and get twisted. I have been trying to internalise what hubby said, that parents are old already. How long more they will live, we should make them happy (by giving in). True! except that he has been saying that for the past 12 years.
Before married, I see hubby as a good family man, which got me chose him among other men during courting period. He’s the youngest in the family. After we got married, I got to know that he is the favourite child. When I was pregnant with my first, MIL had said she will not help if we have babies, that’s totally fine. In fact, I’m good with it. Initially, when hubby expressed his desire to someday live with his parents, I welcomed the idea. I lived with my grandpa in my growing up years, and we had a good r/s before he passed away.
I never have any problem with FIL. In fact, I enjoyed his presence. I enjoyed chatting with elderly because they usually have so much stories, although it’s the same old ones.
But alas, things started to get ugly when MIL came and decided to “help” when my baby was around 3-4 months old.
Each time she came over, she would stay a long period of time. I thought treating her like my own mother, even better than my own mother, would help. But no, she complained about me to hubby. Hubby took side with her. She twisted what happened, she used my words against me. Often times, she took only certain part, and ignored or cut out other facts. Me and hubby fought over small things. It felt lonely and painful. When I prepared food for my baby and sometimes for everyone, she said it was wrong. When I let her prepare in her own way, she said I’m lazy. I started to understand why she had problems with other daughter-in-laws in the past. Which is a fact they (hubby and his family) tried to hide.
She told us, we should take care of her because children are indebted to parents. It’s not wrong though. But then, she also demanded that we should prioritise her. She has the right to decide because she’s The Mother. Hubby being the youngest and favorite child, is so close to her. They chat everyday. She demanded a room dedicated for her, although we have to squeeze. He said she’s innocent and “cute”, which baffles me until now. She asked hubby to buy tickets for her, send her around, and asked him to help other siblings pay their housing instalment and other things. The thing is, she has her own money and properties, and it’s a lot. We never ask her for money, and we have our own needs esp with children around. We have mortgages too. We live decent in a small apartment, I don’t even buy new clothes or shoes. I don’t have any makeup like I used to anymore.
It was so stressful each time MIL came to stay. Mind you, each time she came, it would unnoticed. Nobody can ask her the dates she would come and go. Because then she would take it as a rejection. Each time I tried to share with hubby, he would brush me off. Even when I told him that MIL opened my wardrobe and kaypoh, he thinks there’s nothing wrong with it. MIL thinks she has the right to cross boundaries. I got depressed, but didn’t know what to do. I have tried to suck it up, but eventually, I pent it up until I exploded. We fought so much until one day, when I was pregnant with number 2, he chased me out of the home and shot vulgar words.
When MIL is not around, we were generally fine.
But each time MIL came over for a long period (up to 6 months). I kept thinking of divorce. Recently, I told hubby bluntly that I cannot stay with MIL, it’s either she’s out or I’m out. I will live on my own. Which of course upsets him. I’ve compromised, but they think they are the ones compromised more. It is so frustrating. It’s like them (the family) vs me. Finally, MIL moved to one of my BILs’ home. But she left crying with drama. And hubby gave me a disgusted look.
Anyway, it’s my husband. It’s in one package. The good and the bad. Other than MIL problem, he’s imperfectly perfect. I guess each r/s has its own unique problem.
Divorce is also not an easy option. Not just it requires money, but also the hassle of going through the nitty gritty especially when the kids are involved. It will also hurt everyone in the process. I have looked and researched this option, weighing the pros and cons. I’ll see how long more I can stand.
Thanks for this platform. At least it helps.