Money over pride
At primary 4. I had to start helping out my mother at the hawker centre. Age the age of 15, parents divorced and I had to start working part time after my O levels. I supported myself thru part time job, juggled between PT and poly school days, paid for my own daily expenses, school fees and etc.
I met my boyfriend when I was 18 and we got married when I was 24. My husband was very nice to my mother, seen thru gifts (here and there, not in cash). Egg tarts, snacks, fruits, and anything else he buys for his mum, he will buy 1 for my mum.
At the age of 26, I gave birth to a baby girl. Since then we spent lesser than sending “snacks / small gifts” to my mother. Of course, occasions like birthday, mothers day, we still bring her out for a meal. My mother don’t celebrate Xmas when I was young as I never receive Xmas pressie from her. Somehow as we age, my mum has expectations on this. For CNY, she expects gifts, money to buy CNY goodies, money to bao angbao and money from AWS received in Dec. (PS: my company don’t practice AWS so I hv none).
My elder sister recently got married and my new brother-in-law shows no respect for our family at all. BUT, since his family is rich and he often gives my mother money (probably $50 or $100 each time they meet, erm 2-3 times a week), my mother grew to like him despite him being disrespectful to our family. (Actions like pulling a black face every time we meet, demanding us to crawl and avoid his webex when he is having video call while working from home, treat me and my husband transparent, pulled black face and walked away when asked to take family photo together and etc).
I feel tired reaching out to my mum now. It seems like money is the solver for everything and I cannot afford to fill up her pocket with it, my husband and i are consideded as unfilial.
I cannot understand why my mum doesn’t understands that I have my own financial burden as well when she herself has been thru thru the path? Though I’m seen with having a BTO flat, car, helper, 2 kids, everything costs me money! Every month I give her $300 allowance and she is still asking for more.
Some people told me my mum probably is just lonely. But honestly, when my husband and I bought her “snacks” like the old days, she doesn’t appreciates anymore. She will find it as “cheap food”. She prefers to eat atas food where she can take photo upload on Facebook to show off to her friends. CNY we bought her goodies, she doesn’t even take a glance at it.
My husband tells me to just ignore her, there’s nothing we can do when she is just looking at more money = the more filial you are. As much as I told him “ya I don’t care alr la”, deep down in my heart I’m pretty affected by it. I cannot just pretend that I’m OK…