I’m having an affair with a manager at work
I’m having an affair with a manager from a other department for almost a year now. He’s a married man 20 years older than me. It hurts because I know that I’ll always be in second place and his wife and kid will always be his priority. I have to clear my schedule to meet him only when he is available and when he is not, I’m always left alone to cry and deal with the pain of never being able to have a future with him even though I love him. I know it’s my mistake. I’m not trying to make myself the victim here. My heart hurts so much like a knife constantly stabbing it. I know that i should stop this affair but I can’t seem to get out of this because each time I’m determined to just remain friends with him, he will get close the moment we meet and he makes me feel so happy and excited whenever I’m with him. I deserve this. I brought this upon myself.
Also, i cheated on my loving bf of 2 years. He doesn’t knows but I don’t know if i can continue the relationship because I’ve ruined my “perfect” relationship. I don’t know how to face him especially when he’s been extra lovely to me. (I think he can sense that I’m losing feelings for him). I don’t think I deserve his love anymore. I hate myself for doing this to him especially when he had given me nothing but love. And here i am crying over another stupid man.
Growing up has made me seen so many couples in unhappy marriages and cheating seems to be the norm but it’s a taboo so not people don’t talk about it. And most times, their partners just never find out. I now come to have little faith in relationships and marriages. It’s so hard to find one happily married and loving couple around me.
How do i stop this affair even though my feelings for the manager are so strong now & I’ll still see him at work?
Do you think it’s possible for me to find bk the love with my bf? I know im f*ing selfish but can things go back to the way it was before the affair?