I hate my life.
I hate the man that I married. He’s useless. He embarrassed me and brought shame to our marriage. He doesn’t do anything at home. He doesn’t work. He’s so lazy. I work many jobs and work non stop to provide for the family. I cook for everyone almost everyday. I manage the helper. I manage the children’s homework. I manage all the bills and finances since he has no stable income. That’s why I worked harder than ever. Also to keep my mind distracted. Might as well find more ways to earn more money. Money is my only security.
I have lost track of all the things that I have to do for the family. The only thing he does is send the kids to school. Nap all day long, play games and scroll tiktok.
I also have to handle his family side interactions because he fell out with family members. I have to stand by him even though he’s been accused and shunned. A part of me want to believe him but we all know the truth. Its easier to avoid it altogether. I have to put my children first. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep. I feel like I’m in hell. My priority are my children as I don’t want them to be hurt.
If you think divorce is the answer. It’s not. The only way out is death. I will live this life till I die. I do not have a choice. I think back of our happier times together and dream of living in the past when we are happy and care free.
It wasn’t all like this in the beginning, we were so happy then. Things slowly changed and the more I provide, the less he did. Until there was nothing and all taking on his end. He’s no longer the same person that I married. But i have to put up a front in front of everyone especially our children. I have failed enough times. I shall not fail again.
There’s no such thing as a happy marriage. It’s all a lie. Marriage is all about tolerating what your spouse did wrong and raising your tolerance level to the limit until you are numb to life. Marriage is about forgiving until you can no longer forgive, you forgive again. This is my life.