My friend 35f mentioned to me the other day that she can’t have kids. I had sort of wondered if there were fertility issues because they both love kids, but I know not to ask people without kids these questions because they are so invasive.
I told her that I had issues with fertility before I had my kids and if she wanted to talk, I was there, but I understand if not.
She said I wouldn’t understand so I took that as she didn’t want to talk and I started asking about her most recent rescue pup.
A few minutes later she abruptly said: “I haven’t told anyone other than my mom and sister, but “husband” and I can’t have S. I’ve actually never had S.” I was shocked but tried to be supportive.
I have heard of vaginismus, I couldn’t recall the word but was familiar with the condition where women have tightness or contractions in their hole, making penetration impossible.
She explained to me that due to this she’s never been able to use a tampon, and obviously intercourse is out of the question. She said her doctor suggested dilators and pelvic floor therapy, all of which she has no interest in trying. She further confided in me that she doesn’t participate in any S activities such as digital or oral. She is completely content living her life without any.
I feel good for her that she is happy with this, and I truly hope her husband is too. I understand that just because S is important to me, it’s not to everyone else.
But this rings of trauma and fear, less intentional abstinence.
Here are what netizens think:
- Seriously tho, I would still advise her pelvic floor therapy.I think every woman should have it as it also helps with bladder issues and relaxing of the pelvic floor which can cause a lot of issues down the since she is already tight. I have been going for a few months and even just the exercises have helped with my lower back pain because the back and hips all tie together. She doesn’t have to ever have sex but learning the exercises with out internal exams can help. Does she have regular paps too? It can help with those exams also.
- They can do exercises that dont go inside you at all. Clamshells, reverse clamshells, childs pose and happy baby while diaphragm breath and such are all basic. I’m not even supposed to do kegels or tightening because it can worsen certain situations. It’s Basically yoga or breathing exercises.
- That’s good to know, I am going to research everything before I talk to her about it. I bet she knows those are options but is choosing not to consider them, maybe I can encourage her to figure out why.
- I think it’s super important. At some point they will have to test for cervical cancer and anything like that. They can give meds to also do exams to help relax. It’s not something that she should take lightly in that area, but pelvic floor therapy is a start! That’s just my opinion.