I moved in to live with a single father to a 8 year old daughter. He is the father of my daughter’s classmate. We met a few times in some parents involved events and got close. We supported and helped each other through some difficult times.
We also went out on a few ‘family outings’ and our kids calls us Mama Jas and Papa Jo.
I have been living with my father and brother’s family of 4 in my father’s house since my divorce. My brother and SIL is actually quite unhappy with the arrangement as they’ve plans for their boys to have their own room. But since father invited me over, they can’t say anything. My newphews are much older than my daughter and have ganged up against her. They have hogged her tablet and not let her play. When I asked them about it, they just blame my daughter for being selfish and unwilling to share. My brother will always side his boys and even mentioned that we’re the ‘guests’ not host. I can only ask my daughter to endure as my father is in a difficult situation.
When Jo asked us to move in, I actually felt a sigh of relief. But at the same time, I didn’t want to be a leech to him. I offered to contribute to the expenses but he quickly decline citing he earns almost 4 times of me. He said he rather I take care of his house and daughter and make up for the lost of her motherly love.
I gladly agreed as I am very confident with my cooking and believe I can take good care of the girls. We are Very close.
We have a few months of good times. The girls are getting really close and Jo have been very nice to us. I feel blessed even though it’s a little tiring to rush back home to cook after work. But them loving my cooking makes it worth it.
His attitude starts to change as he started making rules on a lot of things. Sometimes about what we wear and what I spend on, how to clean and pack. he gets angry if I ‘didn’t do my part’. Especially when I buy food back instead of cooking. There’s once he got angry because I took the girls to McDonald’s instead of cooking. I thought since they requested and Jo isn’t coming home for dinner, why not?
I know McDonald’s isn’t a healthy choice but it’s just once in a while. If I didn’t cook it’s usually because I got delayed at work or is sick.
He also started being very calculative about the extra expenses that incurred ‘due to us moving in’. He cited a $40 increased in the utilities bills etc. He even mentioned about not getting the Nintendo Switch he promised the girls.
I had a discussion with him to find out if he’s struggling financially or that he has plan to cut cost. But he just says he is disappointed in me for not fulfilling my duties and hence he feels unfair about what he has to pay for us.
I am honestly taken back. We don’t have any agreement about working for lodging and how do one define “fulfilling a motherly love duty”? I asked him what do he expects from me and he says to cook and do housework, tug the girls to bed. He specifically mentioned about toilet not being clean and dry enough. I have done my best except on days I cannot due to work or I fall sick.
I start to understand why his maids/nannies always leave him right after their contracts ends and he never seems to like them – always complaining they’re lazy and have a Punfectory attitude.
He seems to set very high expectations and is kind of micromanaging. Like if I didn’t arrange the dishes in a certain way, he gets unhappy. And if I didn’t arrange the clothes in the way he likes (sometimes the rolled up towels or boxers rolled off), he’ll mess up that particular drawer so that I have to pack all over again. I realized if the toilet isn’t dry, or the toilet bowl doesn’t have the solution installed, he is unhappy. I also realized that he is actually unhappy when I didn’t do housework even if I am sick. He would sometimes do it himself and then gets very angry – throwing away things that are on the floor because they “blocked” him from cleaning “smoothly”. He nearly threw our daughters’ WIP science assignment away because it on the floor. And he had threw softtoys away because they fall off the bed when he was changing the sheets.
I actually do feel like a maid sometimes because it seems like I need to work for my lodging. But on the other hand, he is really nice to the girls (except for throwing their softtoys away while cleaning). He does gets a little particular over their dressing during celebrations but not so much on normal day situations (he prefers they wear dresses). My daughter really like him. But to me, he reminded me of my abusive ex husband who is a control freak with some kind of OCD.
I am honestly confused and caught in between now.