My mother begged me to give her grandchildren. Little does she know that because of how I was treated growing up, she will never enjoy that privilege of being a grandmother.
She was across from me at a table when I turned 20 and drank a little much, and basically shouted “give me grandchildren!” I got a bit upset with her because I’m not a piece of meat.
After meeting my partner, who would be child friendly if I was, I suspect, I can tell it’s still in my mother’s mind.
I spent my early 20s trying to recreate a youth I never had, with friends and adventures and learning. Ultimately I desired a sense of stability and belonging that I didn’t receive growing up.
There was a lot of horrible ill treatment that I faced, and my parents have both decidedly forgotten, but I didn’t. After I left and started making a name for myself, they have tried, in their own way, to mend things.
Albeit without an honest discussion or remorse for what happened. I have kept them both at an arm’s distance and then some.
My deepest anger is that I loved them so much. That I feel betrayed in that affection I had when I was very young, as their toxic habits became stronger while I got older.
Now, I can’t imagine having children simply because I am terrified I could ever treat one the same way I was treated. Most days, I feel I can barely take care of myself.
I think if I grew up in more stable and loving environment, I would be more inclined to have a kid. So, there you go mom. The consequences.
Netizens’ comments
- Sounds like she might be codependent. She relies on others to give her purpose. That’s unhealthy. Good for you for wanting to separate from that.
- Don’t let your possibly wanting a kid in the future be affected by your parents. Keep them at arms length and out of your kids life.