I am in my early 30s (F) living with my parents. My father used hokkien swear words, sudden yells at us if he was unhappy about us being loud etc, even raised a knife at us when my sister and I finally drummed up the courage to talk back at/yelled back at him in our 20s. Our mother is loving, docile, has gotten braver at having her own opinion but enables him to a large extent for the past few decades.
My sibling has since moved overseas and I saved and bought a house recently. The parents have moved in with me. The problems that have caused me immense stress and anger is my father will do his own DIY projects around the house such as repainting certain sections of the walls.. bathrooms.. mending the grouting with some unknown plaster.. nailing and spoiling walls.. basically slowly taking over my house.
Sometimes he is nice enough and he does things like buy food for the house.
I have spoken nicely, tried to reason (didn’t get anywhere because he is uneducated, elder-entitled and seems to love staying that way), shouted, quarrelled with him but nothing has improved. It has only gotten worse because he would do these things when I am not at home and I would discover these atrocities days or even weeks later.
I get that uneducated elders tried their best to raise us. I do, but it is absolutely killing me inside to have to see my house with ugly corners/changes and father is just stubborn to death. The negativity and disrespect makes me wish sometimes he is dead. I know it’s such an evil thought, but the mental anguish from decades ago until now has manifested in different ways and I feel mad depressed. It is impossible to give respect to elders like him.
Should I drive them out of the house for my own mental well being? Will I be the AH?