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Saturday, December 10, 2022


My husband went out with his direct coworkers – 2 male and one newer female (24 y.o.).


He had a bad day at work so he texted me at 3:48 pm “hey we’re going to get a drink. Today was trash”.

Me: “Aw I’m sorry. I’ll go to the gym then. Let me know when you think you’ll be home okay?”.

Him: “No it shouldn’t be that long I’m still going today”

Him: “Actually yeah go ahead and go but I’m also going today”


Me: “Oh really?! Yay!! I’ll wait. I’d rather go with you even if it’s later!”

Him: no response

5:18 pm Me: call him but no response so I text “Hi dear how’s it going? Are you going to leave soon? If not let me know and I’ll go to the gym” Him: no response

6:44 pm Me: “I love you, please be safe. If you drink too much call me and I’ll come get you!! Hope you’re having fun!!”

7:50 pm Me: “Just checking in – any update?”


11:00 pm Me: call twice but no response so I text “Hey it’s 11pm – I’m getting worried I haven’t heard from you in a while”

I call in between bc I’m getting worried

1:25 am Me: Please name what is going on

At this point I drive down (we share a location on Zenly so I didn’t worry about not knowing where he was going).

After a few phone calls from me again, feeling like they are purposefully being ignored at this point (hoping he’s just too drunk to see them), I see his location go somewhere and then back to the parking lot. At this point I’m convinced he’s in the car (which I’m upset because that means he’s just not answering my calls or texts trying to check in).

At about 3 am, he starts moving. I get it out of him that the one male drove home, and after asking where he was sitting in the car (I had this weird gut feeling), he said the other male coworker was passed out drunk in the back seat while the girl was driving. They were sitting in her car (him in the passenger seat and her driving) with the drunk guy passed out. They were sitting in that parking lot for over AN HOUR. My problem is that even if nothing happened, he was with a female coworker alone at 3am in her car for over an hour. It feels like an unspoken boundary – she’s single with makes it worse, but even if she were married, I’d feel weird.

To add on to that, I told him I know for a fact he saw my calls and I asked why he didn’t answer – he said “because I needed time away from you”.

My argument is that I’m worried about him and didn’t know when to expect him home. I got worried so I called him but he refused to answer anything and leave me in the dark. However, he decided that he wanted time away from his wife at 3 in the morning to spend it with another woman alone. I feel so hurt and disrespected. I’ve never felt like he has ever cheated on me before, but this pain in my gut feels like there is something I don’t know. I asked to go through his phone and he was trying so hard to deny it – saying that our relationship is over if we are at that point. I told him I have never thrown around the D word (divorce), but the phone is what is standing between us. It all just felt so off and he didn’t seem like himself when i was talking to him. I feel like I was basically emotionally cheated on, even though I have no clue what actually happened. It’s the combination between the disrespect and the female coworker.

After I only saw a text from the male coworker at 2am asking to let him know when he gets home and to tell the female coworker the same thing, it just confirmed my timeline.

Now he’s saying that I messed up by going through his phone (for reference he’s gone through mine before). He’s a little drunk so I’m going to let him sleep it off, but he said that our relationship is over. He said “I don’t love you anymore after that”. His ring is on his computer desk…


Edit: I forgot to add this in – while I was there, I started blaming myself and thinking that I did something to make him want to reject my calls. At 2:35 am, I texted “NAME I’m sorry if I upset you in any way. I’m very sorry and no matter what I love you. Please just let me know you’re okay. I’m so sorry if I upset you”

Please, if anyone has any advice or encouraging words, I’d appreciate it. I’m in so much emotional pain right now, I just don’t know what to do.

Thank you all

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