I (22F) hooked up with a 52 year old (probably married) man and it’s my biggest regret
I don’t know why I’m posting this as I’ll probably get a lot of hate and feel worse. I have a long history of having issues with impulsivity, and have gotten myself into a lot of bad situations but this one is the worst.
I always had this fantasy of being with a much older man but never acted on it until this past October. He found me online and after only seeing one picture of his face I agreed to have him over to my place that same night.
As soon as he got there I knew it was a huge mistake but when he got undressed is when I really got scared. His body looked even older than what he said he was so he could’ve even been lying which makes it worse.
He was just so old and gross. I also look younger than I am, with a flat chest and young face which I think also makes it worse, I don’t know how old he was perceiving me as.
I basically froze and just laid there barely making a sound just waiting for it to be over. After I told him to leave and escorted him out and pressed the elevator button for him and ran back to my room.
I was so dry during it I was bleeding after. The next day I couldn’t stop crying. I wanted to throw everything innocent down the trash like my stuffed animals (which were on the bed) because I was dirty and ruined.
He told me he was separated and without thinking I believed him, but now I almost know for sure he was still married with how he was sneaking around.
I’ve tried searching everywhere online for info about him but I think he gave me a fake name because I can’t find anything. I just wish I could tell his wife everything and expose him.
If my parents knew about this they would never look at me the same. I’ve told a couple friends and my therapist but that’s it. But even if I did find love I’m scared to get married now because what if my husband ends up like this man, cheating on me with young girls.
I know I’m going to get a lot of hate for this but also know that a lot of girls who do things like this and are promiscuous are really just insecure and hurting badly inside, so think a bit before you judge them. Or judge them/me, I can’t control that, just know we hate ourselves too.