Controlling SG mum and how to deal with that?
I (28F) have a conservative mother who still treats me like a 15 yold. She would want to know where am I, who am I going with.
And on nights if I stay out late or overnight, I have to inform her beforehand if not she will call me multiple times and if I did not pick up she will be ANGRY the next day I see her.
When I inform her I’m staying out late, she would often dissuade me and I have to do a lot of persuasion and explanation as to why I’m going out.
She said she’s worried. So I’ve been trying to avoid conflict and jus do my due diligence to inform her. But the next day when I come home she would still be angry-ish?
I start to think that as a 28yold, do i still have to go through this every single time i choose to hang out late? Why do asian/sgporean parents still do that to their kids? Please advise.
Netizens’ comments
- Actually…. You could give her a taste of her own medicine. I did this to my mum when she was getting too overbearing. Anytime she looked like she was going out, I would ask her where she is going, who is she going to be with, what she wa gonna do, what time will she be home, what will she be having for dinner, and “do you think that it is appropriate to go out in a sleeveless blouse and jeans?”
I would also text her when she was out, start calling her if she had not replied for 5 minutes, and then the same thing for when she came home. It’s already 10 minutes past 10 and you said you’ll be home at 10, why are you not home yet??? It’s not safe for a woman like you to be out this late you know?! - It stopped when I moved out, for NS (volunteered to stay in) , then uni (stay in hall), I did move back in for a bit but there were lots of clashes.
I fully moved out to my own place now, and relationship with her has been much better.
TL;DR you will forever be a child in your mum’s eyes, until you move out. - Angry then angry lor. You did your part by informing her. If she wants to be upset, that’s a choice of her own.
Personally, these sorts of issues are never really solved unless you decide to push back (which will definite cause some tension) or just move out. There’s no easy or painless solution.
I had similarly overprotective parents when I was in my early twenties; eventually I started rebelling, stopped asking for permission or telling them anything. They were angry at first and we constantly clashed for almost a year. But eventually, they relented and gave me my independence. But it wasn’t easy to get to that point.