I’m single, unemployed, broke, in debt, living with my parents, about to turn 40, friendless, down on my luck, mental state dying, and miserable.
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I don’t know what to do with my life. How can I possibly turn it around?
Netizens’ comments
- I was single, unemployed, broke, in debt, 1 week from homeless, friendless, depressed and miserable at 37. Now I am 41, living with a wonderful man, employed, mostly broke, still in debt if they find me, and very happy with my virtual friends that I see occasionally. How did I do it, you ask?
Determination. Stubborness. A will of iron borne of necessity.
Choose your battle. What is most important to take care of first? For me, it was a place to live. I found the best I could afford that wasn’t a complete and total shithole in a week and took it.
Next, it was a job. Every day, hours at the local library using the computers and applying for anything and stopping in at every business on the way to and from there and getting applications.
I got a job in about two weeks. Started getting some money. I have promptly blown it every paycheck since then, but I get to eat, and now have a laptop, and a bed, and get my nails done as a perk so I’m ok with that.
I made a few friends, some temporary because of situation, some that I reconnected with. I now had some money, so I sometimes went out with those friends. Through one of those friends, I met my boyfriend.
Just start at the beginning. Once that ball starts rolling, everything else will fall into place. - I’m 40. When I was 36 I had just become single, unemployed, miserable, not in debt, but spent the next 20 months of my life draining my savings looking for a job and trying to keep my sanity.
Those were my darkest hours where I didn’t have a clue as to what I should do with my life and sometimes seriously debating if I should jump off a bridge with a rock tied to my feet.
Now I’m 40. I have a great job, great place to live, great girl, great friends, fun hobbies, more money in my bank now than when I was 36 and I’m in better health and shape than before.
If you need hope, let me tell you that LIFE DOES/CAN GET BETTER. The light at the end of the tunnel isn’t always an oncoming train, but the tunnel can be very long, and very dark with a lot of dead ends. It may take you some time to find your way out.
The secret to keeping sane, which I discovered AFTER getting a job, was the importance of having something to look forward in the form of a routine. People who have unlimited options with their time are likely to be the most miserable. Had I committed myself go going to the gym every day, signed up for some kind of class with social activity, I would have been further ahead and happier. Social isolation will kill you ever so slowly until one day you wake up and have no confidence to interact with another human being.
The longer you’re off the grid, the greater the likelihood you will meet and associate with people who are stuck in an even bigger rut. Avoid them like the plague no matter how callous it sounds even though it sounds like a contradiction to what I said earlier about social interaction.
The problem with being 40 is that it’s difficult to meet people socially at this age, and you’re probably not of the mind to hang out in bars, which can get rather depressing when you see the type of people who still hang out at bars at your age.
Find a weekly hobby that you have to commit to several weeks at a time, that is progressive (has levels) and requires you to interact socially for extended periods of time whether you like it or not. It could be a dance class, or an improv class, culinary school, team sport, etc. You’ll feel like an outsider when you start, but once you start seeing the same people over and over again, it will feel more normal.
As long as you feel like you are progressing in some manner and have some kind of interaction with normal human beings, you’ll be less depressed compared to staying at home and surfing the internet job boards every day wondering when that interview is going to come in.