Would it be unwise to have kids without getting married?
My partner believes marriage only benefits women especially in Singapore and refuses to get married. Both of us want kids.
I was indifferent about marriage until I started thinking about if we decided to have kids. Besides the father not being able to take paternity leave and family care leave, what downsides are there to being an unmarried mom?
In general, do Singaporean men share the sentiment of not wanting to get married even when there are kids in the picture?
I am starting to see many risks now especially seeing how tiring it is to be a parent. Would being unmarried mean your partner is limited in his ability to take care of the kids?
Edit: No, my partner isn’t married – we’re living together at his place. Long story short, we’re an interracial couple and I got kicked out of my house and disowned for being in a relationship with a non-Chinese.
He’s been wonderful to me but has unusual and perhaps cynical views of relationships and marriage. I appreciate the discussion this is generating but please try not to make assumptions about our relationship.
Netizens’ comments
- Regardless of his opinion on things like the woman’s charter, having kids out of wedlock putting your family at a big financial disadvantage by losing out on housing, subsidies and inheritance. Even countries where people normally have kids before marriage like the Nordic states, they still tend to get married eventually.
- I don’t know how to put it… he doesn’t want to give you the benefits that women can be guaranteed under marriage? I see it as essentially him not wanting to give you the assurance which marriage brings when things break down, he is essentially telling you he wants to be able to pack up clean cut and leave you with whatever. It’s important you find out what are the guarantees you benefit from under a marriage and see if you are ok to leave without these guarantees when things break down.
If 2 people, live however you want, but if there’s a child involved you need to consider the rights and standard of living guaranteed to your child under marriage. - No this sentiment is uncommon. A guy who wants to have a family with kids should bear the burden and legal responsibility that comes with it, one of which is the bind of marriage which will give the spouse and kids the protection and legality of inheritance, alimony etc, should anything happen (divorce, death etc). This could be different in liberal countries like Scandinavian country where “partners” can also be accorded legal status. In Singapore, don’t even think of having kids with a man that doesn’t want to get married.