How do you live with regret?
I met her when we were in school. I was in my final year while she’s a freshman. It was love at first sight. I pursued her furiously and we got together a few months later.
She was the entire package and my ideal type of girl. But a few months later I lost interest and left her after I graduate. I admit it was entirely my fault and I broke her heart. I thought our interests would no longer align and I believed I would move on to focus on my career. I started to play the field as I decided I’m not ready to settle down yet. I have to say, she was still the best out of the others that I’ve met.
Fast forward a few years later. I met her on a flight on one of my business trip. I thought fate brought us together. We went out of a meal while overseas as we have some free time before I start my work. I can feel sparks flying the entire evening and I believed she felt the same way too.
Everything was smooth until I asked her if she’s seeing anyone. My heart sank when she said she’s attached.
Nonetheless, I wished her well and we continued to keep in touch even after I’ve returned to sg. I couldn’t get her out of my mind. I was actually casually seeing someone else but I quit it after meeting my ex. My ex doesn’t post much on SM so I couldn’t guess who’s her bf.
Even though years past, she’s still the perfect girl in my eyes. I’ve never met anyone who can make me laugh as much. I felt very protective of her. Her charisma, confidence, I looked up to her as she’s someone who’s very knowledgeable, supportive and caring too. Not only that, we come from the same background plus we still have common interests. I believed we are perfect for each other. I still enjoyed hearing from her after all this time. Who can forget their school sweetheart that easily? We continued to text each other like friends. I never thought to confess as I didn’t think it was appropriate as she’s attached and I also believed I can be happy for her as long as she’s happy.
Imagine how elated I was when she suddenly asked me out one day and said she had news. I thought she was going to tell me she broke up with her bf or confess to me. I thought it was going to be a date.
I still remember how beautiful she looked. We talked as though time never left us. Talking to her was so easy. I never had to worry about what to say next. When we finished our meal then she told me the news.
Her bf proposed. She’s engaged. And this will be the last time we see or speak to each other. She confessed she wanted to meet and tell me instead of texting because she wanted to see me for the last time. She also said she needed to let me go and apologised for being friends again. I was devastated. Not only am I losing her forever, I can’t even be in her life anymore. I didn’t know how to convince her I’m fine but I guess she already knew.
Eventually I found out her bf was actually someone we both know from school. So I guess that guy went after her after we broke up.
I felt so stupid for letting her go. My feelings for her were stronger than before as I thought she is the one. Some nights I wish I can turn back the time and not break up with her. I know I’m no saint. I still do casual dating. I end up comparing my dates to my ex and this frustrates me.
Probably that’s why my ex never chose me again as I may have given her the impression I’m not serious to settle down. Soon I realised I didn’t want to settle down is because I only wanted to settle down with her.
Dear S,
I’m sorry for hurting you. I know I can never turn back the time. You’ve always been the one for me. A part of me will always love you. I deeply regret letting you go and I understand why you removed me from your life. You deserve the best. I wish you a blissful, happy and longlasting marriage with J. He is a lucky man to have your love and I hope he cherish you forever.