why does my (20F) boyfriend (20M) say he needs alone time and then games with his friends for days straight?
me (20F) and my boyfriend of three years (20M) have been having some issues lately around ‘our own time’. consistently, i would stay at his house on the weekends, and then he would also stay at mine one night on wednesday.
lately it’s been “bothering” him i suppose, so he has asked if we can try out me only spending sunday and wednesday with him because he needs his alone time.
only thing that bothers me is that during his ‘alone time’ he will spend 6+ hours on call and gaming with his friends (again i have no problem with this on its own because he works 10 hours a day 5 days a week, so him gaming is relaxing for him).
i guess i just get mixed signals because he says he wants alone time, yet that only seems to mean without me, because “it doesn’t count with my friends”.
any experience on this??
Netizens’ comments
- Alone time doesn’t mean that you don’t interact with other people over tha time. It means that it’s your time to do with as you please and not have to worry about making time for the expectations of another person.
I’m guessing you are an extrovert and he is an introvert. It’s helpful to try and understand him rather than feeling offended that he doesn’t want to spend constant time with you. Even if you get married and/or live together someday, you should not expect his “alone time” needs to change. Decide if you’re OK with that. - He should be more precise. He doesn’t need alone time, he needs game-time. But that’s just not a widely accepted thing to say.
- Alone time in this case just means his time without you. Alone time rarely means you just sit in an isolation tank. There is nothing outwardly wrong, he just wants to play videogames with his friends. As long as he continues to make a satisfactory amount of time for you, then there is no problem
- Young people want time to hang out with their friends and have fun. It happens. I remember wanting to run with my friends while I was in a relationship around that age. I’m sure he loves you, but he also loves gaming with ‘his crew’