Sibei jialat, monitoring the personal finance subreddit everyday makes me feel like everyone in Singapore is earning 10k a month at 25 years old. Me? 37 years old, just got my keys, and my bank account now looks like a barren wasteland.
Last week, my friend came over for housewarming. The moment he stepped inside, he went, “Wah bro, very nice, very chic, very Muji minimalist vibes.” I just gave him a polite smile and nodded.
Minimalist your head ah!
You think I choose this life? You think I deliberately went to an interior designer and said, “Hey, please give me the ‘Empty Warehouse’ aesthetic”? No, cb! It’s called No Money Style. After paying the downpayment, options, stamp duties, and lawyer fees, my cash and CPF are literally cleaner than a newly washed toilet bowl. Zero. Kosong. Nil.
Right now, my living room has exactly three items: a plastic stool from Sheng Siong, a Wi-Fi router sitting on the floor like a small monument to my poor life choices, and my foldable phone charging in the corner. That’s it. If a thief breaks into my flat at night, he will feel sorry for me and probably leave a 50-dollar note on the kitchen counter.
People buy ID packages with feature walls and ambient track lighting. My ambient lighting is just the raw, unadulterated Singapore sun blinding me from the window because I cannot even afford curtains yet. I am currently using masking tape and newspaper to block the afternoon sun, okay? When I sleep at night, I am lying on a thin driving range yoga mat. Every morning I wake up, my back cracks louder than the thunder during a monsoon season.
The worst part is seeing all these influencers on TikTok showing off their “Scandi-Industrial Minimalist” BTO tours. “Oh look at my micro-cement flooring and hidden storage!” Bro, my flooring is raw concrete because the screeding is all I could manage. My hidden storage is just the fact that I don’t own anything to store!
So please, don’t come to my house and tell me you love the “negative space.” It’s not negative space, it’s financial depression. If anyone asks, I am not interior designing; I am just practicing extreme asset liquidity. Sian. Anybody got lobang for free cardboard boxes? Need to make a dining table.