I’ve been dating my current GF for about two years. Everything was fine when it was just the two of us—she’s actually quite sweet and low maintenance on her own. But the moment we started talking about marriage and meeting her parents in Yishun, the whole tone changed completely. I don’t know what kind of water they drink over there, but the entitlement is totally next level.
First, the wedding banquet. We originally agreed on a modest dinner, maybe 15 to 20 tables max just for close friends and relatives. Out of nowhere, her mother comes out with a whole list of requirements: must be a 5-star hotel downtown (specifically named single-digit top-tier hotels), minimum 35 to 40 tables, and her parents get to keep 100% of the angbao from their side, while I foot the entire bill for the venue and deposits upfront. When I tried to gently explain my budget constraints, her father literally hit me with the “If you cannot even afford a decent wedding for my daughter, how to show face to our relatives?”
As if that wasn’t already red flag overload, the bomb dropped last weekend during dinner at their place. We were talking about post-marriage finances. Her mother casually mentioned that her two older brothers (both in their late 20s, zero health issues, but haven’t held a stable job in over two years because they “cannot handle corporate stress”) will need a “monthly allowance” from us once we marry. Her mom straight up said to my face: “You working in a good company, so every month just pass $500 to each of them until they find their calling lah. Family must help family.”
I looked at my GF expecting her to back me up or call out how insane this was. She just stared at her plate and quietly whispered to me later, “Just give a bit lah, don’t make my parents angry. ok?” That was the exact moment my soul left my body.
Look, I know what you guys online are going to say: “Your choice of wife, your own fault,” or “Run bro, run fast.” Trust me, I ALREADY KNOW. I am not here asking whether I should stay or leave. My mind is 100% made up. I am getting out before I sign my life away and become a personal ATM for an entire Yishun household.
What I am asking for now is practical advice on how to back out gracefully without creating massive drama or legal/financial trouble.
Specifically:
- The Deposit: We already put down a small booking deposit for a bridal studio package. Is there any way to negotiate a partial refund or transfer it, or should I just cut my losses and treat it as tuition fees for my stupidity?
- The Breakup Execution: How do I break this to her in a way that minimizes the chance of her family coming to harass me at my place or workplace? Should I do it in a public place with a close friend waiting nearby?
- Property/BTO Status: Thankfully we haven’t applied for a BTO or booked a flat yet, so no HDB penalties involved (heng ah!).
Anyone who has successfully extracted themselves from a toxic in-law situation right before marriage, please share your exit playbook. Appreciate any advice, thanks standard Singaporeans.