My boyfriend cheated via text with another girl as a trap to see if I would go through his things to find out
So there have been some trust issues from both sides from day 1 here. He is a very insecure person who has flirted and kissed a person with malice intentions in the past just to hurt me.
He justified this because I kissed my friend (same gender and I’m straight) as a joke in the beginning of our relationship when I didn’t know that wasn’t ok.
When he said he didn’t like it, I stopped immediately and never did it again without his consent. He has a friend (girl) that he has been friends with for many years, yet I never see her in his life.
He only contacts her when we have a bad time in our relationship. I have voiced that I find it fishy that they never meet yet she always comes to his rescue when times are bad between us.
Unfortunately this suspicion made me go and break in to his computer and iPad to see what the deal between them was.
I found some disturbing messages the first time where he obviously had asked her to sleep in his bed and made some kind of intimate advances (her words) that she wasn’t ready for.
When confronted with this knowledge my boyfriend said it was nothing and that he felt so bad I had left our house (because of a fight) that he needed to be held and consoled.
This happened last September. Yesterday we had another fight and he was acting strange again so I got suspicious and got into his iPad and saw some more messages between them.
She tells him she wants to f and wants to know if he can come over.
At first he wonders if she is ok but then continues by asking if she thought of him specifically because she wanted to f.
He tells her he is at work when in reality he is in my apartment and had just slept with me. He then says he got more turned on by her message.
Now, as you can imagine I was quite hysterical when I found these messages from last December and confronted him all in tears and rage.
This is my fiancé and love of my life. His defense is that he took advantage of the girl and the situation to make at trap for me to see if I was trustworthy around his personal things because of childhood issues with a controlling mother, prolonged bad times between us and his own paranoia.
He is sticking to this explanation and says he feels horrible he did this but it was to see it he could trust me which he obviously can’t.
Now that I actually might call of our engagement he tells me this is the worst thing he has ever done and will ever do to me.
What the hell should I do? Do I believe his explanation and forgive him? Or am I right in accusing him for cheating on me via text (what ever the reason) and leaving him?