Absolute peak comedy last night, guys. Still laughing while typing this.
So my NS buddy, let’s call him Kevin, has been hitting the gym non-stop for the past six months. Protein shakes, creatine, tracking macros—the whole 9 yards. He got quite buff, not gonna lie. So last night we went to Marquee to celebrate another friend’s birthday. Kevin wore this super tight, low-cut uniqlo airism tee just to showcase the gains.
The moment we walked in, this guy was on a mission to hunt. Every time a group of girls walked past, Kevin would suddenly “adjust his hair” or pretend to check his phone while completely flexing his biceps and lats. Total hao lian (show-off) behavior, absolute cringe to watch from the side, but we just let him cook.
Around 1:30 AM, the dance floor was absolutely packed like sardines. Kevin spotted this group of chio bus near the front. He squeezed his way in front of them, turned his back, and did this subtle, continuous shoulder-rolling flex to make his traps look huge under the strobe lights. He thought he was the ultimate alpha male.
Suddenly, Kevin stiffened up completely. His eyes went wide, and his jaw literally dropped.
In the middle of the heavy bass dropping, this massive, tatted-up uncle-looking guy in a tight black polo shirt squeezed past him. But as the uncle passed, he didn’t just brush by. He straight up reached out, gave Kevin’s left ka-cheng (butt cheek) a massive, firm, honking squeeze, and whispered “Swee lah bro” right into Kevin’s ear before disappearing into the crowd.
Bro, Kevin’s soul completely left his body. The sheer shock on his face was priceless. He turned around expecting a hot girl, but was met with the grim reality of a 90kg gym bro appreciating his glute gains instead. The girls he was trying to attract saw the whole thing and were absolutely bursting out laughing.
Moral of the story: Lift weights all you want to attract girls, but in Singapore, the only ones truly appreciating your hard work are other bros. Gains are gains, I guess?