How to live with a dysfunctional family? My mother always sings praises of my brother in front of everyone because he earns a lot and is dating this rich girl. But the thing is, he doesn’t give her any allowance because he “needs to save money to buy a house”. And by house he’s looking at private apartments because his gf and her family doesn’t want her to live in a hdb.

My mother even told me that she is planning to give my brother some of her savings so that he can afford a condo. I am honestly so frustrated when she told me this. My parents don’t even have enough savings for their own retirements and healthcare needs, and she wants to give her savings to my brother when he can just settle for hdb if he can’t afford a private apartment. And I’m so sick of his demanding gf too who can’t even understand my family’s financial situation. 

I cannot deal with my mother being so obsessed with my brother and his relationship. There was once when the gf was unhappy with the way my mother interacted with her (I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong because that’s just how my mother is and that’s just her character) that she ‘feedbacked’ to my brother which resulted in my bro complaining to my mother about it. She lost sleep over what my brother said and was so upset, and I ended up being the person she vented to and seeked emotional support from.  And now she even forced herself to change so that she can get closer to my bro’s gf.

I’m very angry at this situation because i feel that the gf should just try to accept who we are instead of constantly “feedbacking” about us because we are so unlike her family – and now my bro is always trying to pressure us to be this “perfect” family (mentally manipulating and guilt tripping us by saying that if he falls out with his gf, it’s our fault). Thing is, we will never be perfect no matter how hard we try. At most it’ll just be on the surface. My father doesn’t even care because he just spend most of his time drinking and gambling his money away. 

Living in this family for 20+ years is so stressful and I’m depressed and anxious. I see no hope in my future and no hope in this family and I don’t even have any support. I tried to tell my mother about my issues (because that’s what everyone says right-confide in your closest about your mental issues) and she straight up told me I’m crazy and told me to go away. I live on tenterhooks everyday and it is affecting me a lot at work too.

I can’t even interact properly with my colleagues because of my social and general anxiety-I can’t breathe whenever I have to talk to someone I’m not close with. 

Tldr; my family is just screwed up, doesn’t understand and doesn’t seek to understand, there is no emotional support at all, I feel like dying and I’m drowning in anxiety. Once bitten twice shy, I have no courage to seek any more help and I’m just spiralling downwards everyday. The addition of my bro’s gf into the picture just adds to the problem because we are being “forced” to appear “perfect” so that my bro doesn’t lose face.

And I doubt he even cares about the family anymore because the gf is his key to escape for a better life, that’s why he’s always giving in to her at the expense of the family. 

Should I just leave and dump this family?

A man shared his story on how a whole set of problems arises between him and his girlfriend after Singapore opens up.

Here is the story:

I know opening up the country is good for some people but it is definitely not good for me.

The moment my GF heard the news about the travelling she called me straight and wanted to discuss going there. I was a bit hesitant but I still meet her.

She told me that she wants to go to Korea and want me to go with her, she said that she will plan the itinerary. Itinerary means she shop I carry bag lo. But I was fine with this, you know what she told me next anot.

She asked me to swipe my credit card to pay for all the expenses first. I was like huh? It’s not about me being stingy or generous leh, this girl want to live for the moment and want me to be in debt so she can enjoy.

I asked her why use my credit card and she said that the previous month she spend most of her money signing a beauty package. I said you don’t look like you more chio leh, probably got scammed and she started shouting at me.

In my heart I thinking, nabei got money to fix your face no money to fix your over hairy seaweed oyster cave.

Hello, I at the age of marriage not at the age of playing around leh, her thinking I cannot take it, I thought she got money then ask me go travel, but it turns out she want to travel but she got no money and wants to spend future money. Best part is my money and from my credit card.

She did not even say that she will return me or what. I am still thinking on how to reject her for the trip or I should just tell her to apply her own credit card. But she confirm won’t get accepted for the credit card application one.

Her credit history is like my toilet bowl, one button and it goes down the sewer.

Has anyone got any advice on what I should do? I really don’t want to swipe my credit card just to spend future money. My credit card is for me to enjoy rebates and cashback.

Mother demands high monthly allowance from children, but won’t leave a single cent for them after death

My mother has 3 kids, including me. All of us are working adults and have our own families (including kids). Ever since we started working years ago, my mother has requested that all of us give her $800 monthly allowance. She is perfectly healthy but doesn’t want to work. So just by staying at home, she receives $2400 from her children.

Initially, we were able to support her financially. But after we have our own families and kids, our spending is really high. The cost of infant/child care and domestic helper is not cheap. My brother has 3 kids in his family while I have 2. My other sibling also has 2 kids. Despite us having to feed so many mouths, our mother insists that we do not cut down on her monthly allowance. But there was a time when we asked her how much she spends each month, she said she is very thrifty and only spends a few hundred dollars. So why does she need $2400 each month? When she sees the doctor, we would pay for the bill.

Even when she is hospitalised, we would help her pay for everything. She mainly spends our allowance on handphone bill, utilities bill and groceries (hence only a few hundred dollars spent). I just want to ask you people out there… do you slightly decrease the allowance you give to your parents after you have kids?

Then recently we had a conversation with her about her finances. She has roughly $300k savings in the bank (most of it comes from the hefty allowance we give her). And she also told us that after she dies, she will donate all of her savings to charity and leave nothing for us. She said that doing such a good deed will bless her soul and she can reincarnate into a very good family in the next life. This means that we still have to fork out money for her funeral, which I heard can cost more than $50k.

My siblings and I were very upset to hear this. We felt that she should at least leave some money to cover the cost of her funeral so as not to burden us financially. But she was very stubborn and didn’t want to change her mind. Then all of us suggested that we give her lesser monthly allowance (enough to support her needs) so that we can save up for her funeral, but she flew into a rage and called us unfilial. Seriously? Is our suggestion really unreasonable?

A man shared a story of his marriage and said that these are some important messages couples should look at before planning their wedding.

Here is the story:

Expensive weddings are an unfathomable waste of money and sometimes even burning future money, especially when the couple will go into debt.

Furthermore, regardless of how much money was spent the guest will still have a good time whether there are 100 more stalks of flowers or 100 fewer. No one really cares and wants to get over it.

Your friends and family are there for you, not the decorations or location. if your friends and family really care about you they would not want you to get a loan.

The media, the marketing companies out there has made things from weddings to diamonds to branded things a “necessity” that broke the bank of many. Both men and women are brought to an era where these are a must-have or you will “lose face”.

Here are some examples:

A women will say “hey its once in a life time we need to spend the most for the wedding”

A men will say “Hey its a rolex, a sportscar I need to get one for myself”

But the fact is… They are only doing it because of how people are looking at them, buying or spending on these items or events has practically zero value to it. If you still don’t understand… you are the typical naive “sheep” that has been groomed or herded by television dramas. In other words, superficial.

Same thing for parents of couples “I want a grand wedding for my daughter” we confirm my point of –> They are only doing it because of how people are looking at them

Face the fact, your spending behaviour is only making you poorer, not richer.

The rich control the world and it is the fact, you wanna buy something good or spend something good? Get rich first (define how much is rich, set a goal) before talking or you will most likely get a divorce.

Stress

The number 1 thing that leads to a relationship breaking down is STRESS. Ask yourself this question, if both you and your spouse are almost stress-free do you think that there will be more or less major arguments?

Of course, there are other factors like cheating and etc, not gonna go into that. Let’s go into something we have complete control of which is controlling your own money.

Getting into debt for a wedding is the dumbest thing one can do, invest in yourself is the best thing you can do. Companies out there that offers loan for your wedding are most “evil corporations” in the world as they lead you to buying your “moment of happiness with future money” in which returns gives you months or years of stress from paying back your loans.

“Buying a moment of happiness with money”, really sounds like it’s related to illegal activities such as taking certain substances… Can’t be too good if it’s associated with bad stuff right?

If you want a grand wedding make sure you have the money first. Let me recapped my main point –> “They are only doing it because of how people are looking at them“

Stay loan free for the non-essential.

A man shared a story online claiming that he has an ‘almighty anoconda’ which make her ex coming for more.

Here is the story:

I want to share this story about my ex who is cheating with me. Although she is my ex she is still coming back for more of my Anaconda special.

We break up over 6 months already and she has a new boyfriend, it is so obvious that she is in a new relationship but still keeps looking for me. Her new bf’s photo is already on Instagram.

I am a gentleman and therefore I kept quiet of what she is doing and there is no benefit to me for exposing her, But I thought it will be fun to leave an anonymous post.

Every other week, she will call me and said that she wants to come to my house to chat, but the fact is we are not chatting. Our mouths were totally doing something else nothing close to chatting or eating. Or maybe something equivalent to eating. teehee.

So after months has gone by, I asked her why is she still coming back to my home, she said “well we are friends right”. I said, “yes, is your new bf ok with it? and we are having s** even though we are just friends”.

Her responds was:

“He does not need to know, I still enjoy doing it with you as it is more filling”

A man shared his story on how his wife has been constantly pushing him to start a business online but ends up she spends his capital.

Here is the story:

I have been working hard for the last 15 years but it seems like it is never enough to satisfy the desires of my wife.

She wants to retire before 50 and wants me to work twice as much and save more money. Recently, she has been asking me to start a business website to earn from online selling some cheap stuff from China.

I approached a few web designers and they said that to start such a business website will cost between $3,000 to $5,000. They start telling me stuff about Paypal business etc.

I was not ready and did not make much research yet, I also heard that doing digital marketing or social media marketing could help me with the business but all of this takes a lot of money.

My wife suggested me to get a business loan from banks and I manage to secure a five digit loan.

But guess what, the moment my wife saw my bank account she started to ask me to bring her to MBS to shop, macham I take loan for her to shopping.

Still say want to retire early but end up all is bull. I really want to do business with the money but her recent behaviour has always been excuses like “aiya spend a bit wont die”.

I don’t want end up getting into more debts because of the loan and not making any money in the business.

Should I quickly return all the money to the bank and stop doing this business?

Been with my Hubby from r/s to marriage for 10 years with kids and yes after many years of r/s, it can be leading a simple life of just taking care of kids, family and working. 

I’m standing in a POV in an open-minded state. So my hub started off to be very close with a few female colleagues. They watsapp and even talk alot in work messengers. Initially, it was annoying and insecure that I started to have this thinking if he’s going to stray or had the intention to do so but however, he was devoted to the family and still caring about me despite him talking alot to his female colleague. 

I then come to a few point of time, started to engage to one of a mummy friend n we talk everyday. We also talk about sensitive things like when how to make babies happily and our daily life encounters. Are we flirting? we are females and imagine, I talk to a guy like this! Then at another point of time, I had common thinking with a guy colleague on work culture and we decided to leave the company. Even after we left, we still talk to each other every other days. He’s interested in TCM and we even shared which acupuncture points can be good to increase s*xual drive after birth. I even know he had s*x while wfh. In texts, it can sound like flirting but in fact, it is actually a way to rant or finding balance in life so when we face work or family, we don’t feel so destress. 

I don’t have hobby like gardening or sewing so, my only hobby i got is to talk to people and in this pandemic, we hardly meet people. If you spouse has the intention to cheat, here are some hints to lookout for 

1. does your spouse want to meet the person who is close with? 

2. does your spouse neglect you and your kids/family? 

3. does your spouse typed in text that he/she has feelings for the colleague?  

if yes to all the above , be prepared for the worst. if not, just leave it as everyone has their own ways to destress nn finding someone they comfort with to talk to. not just circulating around you.  i’m just sharing my POV. no bashing pls.

I dated this Swedish Chinese but she was forced by the coronavirus to go back to her country. We keep in touch and I miss her dearly.

With more time on my hands i have experimented with chatting up local girls online, purely to pass time & to understand our society sociologically.

I count myself lucky to have an international gf instead of a local one. Where our local ladies are petty, shallow, superficial, arrogant, snobbish, gossipy, childish, greedy, international women are mature, worldly, sensible, deep & interesting cultured thinkers. Esp European women.

Mention luxury brands like prada or miumiu and local girls will think bags, shoes, orchard road boutiques, factory outlets in italy or france. My gf will think labour exploitation, crass consumerism, climate change, animal cruelty, inequality & what the world can do to address these. See the difference? Try to engage a local girl on these issues and she either gives a blank look or an ignorant “haha, lol”

I feel quite ashamed of our country. From Third World mudland to one of the richest nations in the world in one generation, yet our minds and souls are so narrow and empty. We often laugh at our neighbors, but in terms of character, our local women cannot even match up to Malaysian Chinese.

I’m glad i made my choice. Investing my heart, time and energy on someone richer than local women in every way. She never stops teaching me how to think, explore and experience life differently. I learn more from her in 6 months than in all those years with local women.

Improvements if any in Financial Assistance

Met with some colleagues also from Uni, and we came back to the club house as 1 of them had membership… wanted to avoid going but took in good faith

Memories of pain floods my mind while we were there chilling…

Close to 2 decades ago from BA – graduated with just a Degree…

From the very beginning made attempts to get financial assistance and not right off school loans from Banks as we all know how those interest kills us later on in life.

Was a Tanglin Halt HDB 2 rm mixed flat kid… with lower tiered income family background and the parents slogging daily 6.5 days week to make ends meet.

Coincidence of parents making slightly more with (OT) Overtime (couple of hundreds more not even 1 grand extra in combine cpf) at point of Application, thus surpassing the poor income tier bracket.

It was gruelling and hard, working and studying trying my best to get through. It was tough, so tough that a bank loan (unsecured) was applied on yr 3 to ease the split of time between part time works and school.

Has things changed and became more flexible or humane?

How is irregular extra OT pay a path to rejection when the actual with a company letter proves otherwise?

How is OTing to give more for the family a wrong?

Is it so difficult for a student needing help to be rendered with in a case by case basis?

Has things changed for the better?

Here are what netizens think:

• I empathise with the OP. Busting backs to gather numerous supporting docs, jumping through different hoops by multiple aid sources and get declined on seemingly arbitrary requirements. Only those who had to go through this again and again know how dehumanising the process is. Not sure if things are better today, just hopefully there are even more sources (hoops) available

• I dun get wat you’re trying to lament abt? Things not changing in your old alma mater? Or you’re comparing your old self with the new? Or comparing yourself to your old schoolmates and having a little bit of self-pity?

• A degree 2 decades ago would have been much more valued and high paying. Things don’t change in the sense that success never comes easy.