Fiancée(m25) has not told his mother we’re getting married – Me(F24) raising major concern

This whole thing has a lot of details that I will try to condense as much as possible but to get started here’s some background. –

My fiancée(m25) and I(F24) have been dating for 9 years.

We have a 5 year old daughter together and have lived together since my pregnancy. His family has never been a big fan of me and has been fairly open about their distaste in the past – although more recently haven’t been as negative about me. I would say their dislike had it’s height at the end of my pregnancy –

when my partner made the choice not to tell them until I was already 8 months pregnant. I was not close to his family at this time in our lives’ other than the occasional visit so I did not feel at all comfortable being the one to tell them – I was 18 and trying to figure out how I was going to take of a baby.

When he did finally tell them – his mother specifically was horrible to me because I refused to move in with them rather than staying with my own parents who had already prepared space for me and baby.

His mother often brings up that she feels she is put 2nd to my own family and his very rude about. I’ve tried many times to reason with my fiancée that it is not that I mean to put my own family first by any means but simply that my family goes out of their way to include us where his family simply does not.

A good specific example is around the holidays – my family always has had a Christmas lunch rather than dinner and my partner’s family has a dinner. Since we all live in the same city we generally spend the morning with just us(myself, fiancée and daughter) Lunch/early afternoon with my family and Dinner/evening with his family.

Both families truly get equal time and if anything I have cut my time with my family short on the holidays to make sure we get to his families house at time the consider decent to avoid a fight.

Another example of their dislike is they have constantly asked him in the past ”why he likes me, why does he want to stay with me, is he really happy”.. etc.

It’s overall not been a great situation but I’ve tried my best to still be kind and I’ve never once kept my daughter or partner away from his family even when I have chosen to stay home or away from them after a major blow up from his mother.

Onto the most recent concern – I(24F) want to get married – I believe marriage is important and that especially since we have our daughter together, have been dating for 9+ years and living together for 5+ that we should get married.

I respect those who don’t want marriage or don’t view it as important but for me personally it is an important step that I want to take with my partner.

My partner on the other hand does not view it in the same light and has put it off many times. I finally told him this year that it was the next step for me in a relationship and that he needed to make a decision either it was for him as well or not.

He did ultimately ask me to marry him earlier this year(April 2022) and we have a set date for early next year(2023). I’ve told my family and close friends almost immediately out of excitement.

He on the other hand has not told a single soul besides his father. He told his father we were planning to get married but not any other detail as far as when.

His father told him that he was happy for him if that is what he wanted. His father and mother are together but his father has kept his lips sealed per his own choosing and even instructed my partner he shouldn’t tell his mother immediately as she was ‘already in a mood'(this was around end of April early may).

We are now at the end of July – and my partner has still not told anyone else about our engagement and the fact we are full swing planning a wedding together. He tells me that I should keep planning and that he does love me/wants to be with me but get’s extremely stressed/upset/angry/depressed anytime I bring up telling his family.

I’m very concerned that his mom is going to feel similar to how she felt when he did not tell her about our pregnancy. I feel at a loss of what to do because it’s not he is estranged from his parents it’s just a really odd relationship – like he almost seems fake around them.

Like he can tell them about his job, hobbies but not about our relationship what so ever. I don’t feel comfortable telling his mother based on past occurrence’s but also feel like a fraud sitting across from her over dinner and she asks what we’ve been up to – like oh you know just planning a wedding you know nothing about??

I love my partner and I do truly believe he love’s me but this is something he has not been able to work through – the communication with his family is awful and puts a lot of stress on me and I am worried how it will affect our daughter and our family unit moving forward. Like I either want them to be involved and supportive – or to stay the hell away from me and my family(my partner & child).

Any advice?

2 Comm

A woman shared how her boyfriend bought her a Macbook Air for Christmas but expected her to pay for his $3k hotel bill.

They then got into a fight over it and in the end, he made her pay for the Macbook Air instead.

Here is the story:

“We are both investment bankers and bf is 7 years more senior than I am.

Over Christmas, he got me a Macbook Air but after an argument where he wanted me to foot his entire $3k hotel bill during our holiday, he billed me for the device.

I’ve always worried about his stinginess. Deal breaker?”

Editor’s note: Get out of the relationship while you still can – that’s not a relation-ship, that’s a sinking ship.

Found out both my parents are cheating on each other

I [22M] found out my mother is cheating on my dad 6 years ago, was using her phone for some random I don’t even know what it was thing when a message popped up on the screen.

When I confronted her about it she begged me not to tell my dad and how this was all a mistake and she was just lost and won’t do it again,

me being young I kept the secret, the problem is… during those 6 years I caught her 7 more times, my dad is oblivious to it… or simply doesn’t care.

And to be honest this really fucked me up mentally, I have not been able to have a healthy relationship since..

Today my father forgot his phone at home and he received a call from an unknown number, I thought this was him and answered, a woman answered calling him sweet names before I could even reply..

I hung up, I do not know if I should tell him about it, our relationship is hard enough as it is.

I got two younger brothers that I am practically taking care of and I understand why my parents are sneaking around, they are not meant for each other,

but I feel if I did tell my dad when I was younger all of that never would have happened, I always used to tell my mom I do not care what she does but she has to get a divorce first,

cheating is disgusting and really affected me in a hurtful way.

Sick of working at this dinosaur firm

While many workplace are already open to partial WFH moving forward, this work place I am in is still stuck in the past.

Even the time we reach office is scrutinised (must be at seat by 9am) but when we take a shorter lunch or go home late there is no reward.

Although I like my work, I think the management will not change their attitude to WFH or flexible work hours. There are too many old-timers here that hold tea parties and chit chat loudly with one another. So I can understand why they would prefer not to WFH and even want to move back to having physical meetings, which they will make younger staff like us try to book meeting rooms for them, that is forever not available because someone from another dept will mass-book all the rooms in advance.

Its like taking a time machine back to 2010s again. Except I dont get to be more youthful.

Here are what netizens think:

• Find a new job lor. There are people who like working for “dinosaurs firm” like this. You clearly aren’t suitable here. Go find another place that suits you.
• I do not work office jobs, if I do work in one, I wont take up those jobs which have WFH system. I rather go to office daily to escape the toxiness of my family.Anyway every job isn’t perfect. If you think the culture doesn’t suits you, don’t stress yourself any further. It’s time to move on.
• If me, i’ll stick with everything in time. Means seated at 9. Go for lunch and go back the exact timing. Still the same pay
• Do they use the same high voltage electric fence wall to keep all the dinosaurs inside like Jurassic Park? What’s stopping the exhibits from running or flying away?

Background: I am 18F, and my mom is in her fifties. She is very religious (fundamentalist) and very conservative in her views about S and the world in general.

She is an amazing parent, but our fundamental values could not be more different which has led to some conflict in the past.

She is also pretty bad at communicating, big and small things alike. She tries her best, which I am more grateful for than I can express, but sometimes she still really effs up. I want to make it clear that I understand that my mother has certain very strong beliefs and grew up in a different time, and I don’t think she is the one to blame for her shortcomings as a parent.

But, that doesn’t change the hurt and damage she has caused in the past.