grew up poor, started working part-time since 14, many decisions made in life are always about which is cheaper, bring more money home to pay bills, which is needed

decided to plunge into uni for bachelor’s in my late 30s and I stick out like a sore thumb in y2 and will likely continue sticking out until y3 and graduation

now reaching my 40s, I don’t understand much of what classmates say

i am not able to speak up for class participation and no one in my entire y1, lecturer, tutor, classmates, administration office staff, ever had to patience to wait for me to think through my thoughts to ask questions or participate in any way

as with many other adults, I need to help out financially at home and I am earning a living with part time work, rushing from work to school and school to work, burning my weekends with job too

but not eligible for financial aid because my parent rents out one of our rooms and works in a cashiering job which nicely reaches the cut-off for financial aid

I had to learn how to use the laptop, spend money to buy a laptop that works with the software needed, and spend money to upgrade my internet during covid university (512 just don’t cut it for live lectures that lecturers refuse to record)

now there’s money for ‘enrichment’ and lost opportunity financial cost because of compulsory face-to-face briefings for IA and all that

the hardest has been the elitism within

I don’t know whether it’s my course or is there a problem with me but classmates easily say let’s go to the cafe for lunch, buy bubble tea, meet for 4h project meetings that are mostly silent because no one bothers to come prepare

while in my head I’m just thinking how much all these are going to cost me – and that project meeting habits that everyone seems to have? I lose working hours (I am paid by the hour so the travelling time and project discussion time in total adds up to 1 month’s electricity bill per project meeting easily)

I know I’m not high class, and I have given up trying to fit into the high-class standards since y1 week 3. yet, it hurts, because people mark you down in group appraisal, tutors say I don’t speak standard English and at the same time insist that as a nus student they have every right to judge and lecture as us pampered students who don’t know the sufferings of the poor, and classmates will not spend time understanding me because my input is always assumed to be of a lower quality too

they say in sg you study then got better future, I beg to differ

in sg if you can cope with the elitism you study got better future, if you can’t it crushes your soul even more

if you can afford u as a lower class person, avoid nus. at least you wont be treated like dirt by all the elitist in nus

does any real lower-class student out there have any real constructive suggestion to how to survive the next 3 years? I cannot change school and course, too much sunken cost.

I just pooped my pants and could not change for 20 minutes.

I was just now cramping from my period and decided to turn back from walking to the store ( luckily I can’t imagine if this happened in the store) and started walking back.

I walked back for a while and felt the need to go to the bathroom. I held it for a couple more steps and then I needed to go so bad it started to hurt.

I got half a block away and could not hold it in anymore and thought maybe it might just be a little and it leaked through my underwear down my leg.

I had to walk 4-5 more blocks like this. I passed multiple people smelling like poop. The smell is terrible.

Then I finally got home and had to walk up the stairs to my home and felt it squishing onto my leg each step.

I am traumatised and will definitely be throwing this pair of pants away.

Netizens comments

I’m sorry friend. I have had such an event myself. I reckon we all have. Shower, cry, clean the mess. But life shall continue

Partners?

Wanted to check with the guys. Would you guys consider getting together with a girl who is in the flesh trade?

I admit I first met her in a session. However, I found myself falling head over heels for her.

Upon consulting some friends, I was strongly advised against doing so and that I would be a laughing stock among my peers.

What do everyone think?

Here are what netizens think:

• If you need to consult friends to decide, then it’s better you let her go. Clearly you look down on her job. The irony is, you are among those who patronised her service.
• No one needs to know your potential/possible future girlfriend’s business. If you don’t tell, who will judge? You should allow people around you to get to know her without any prejudice. It’s just a job to make money, who cares. If you aren’t open minded then better don’t waste her time.
• I once knew an 18 year old girl who worked in those sleazy KTVs. My friend brought her out for supper with us a few times so I asked her why did she choose this job? Her father passed, her mum is sick and her younger brother is in primary school. She herself was in poly and also the sole breadwinner. This paid her enough to support her family and continue her studies. So, what’s more important to you?
• I personally know of a close friend just like you. It was a little awkward at first but it didn’t take too long until I have acknowledged her as the one he loves. they truly are in love with one another. Well she had to feed her children from her previous marriage and she sometimes had to resort to be in the flesh trade to make ends meet. As a true friend, we will not judge who our friends choose to love as long as they are happy. I never laughed at my friend or belittle him.

How to completely let go of someone that was never mine to begin with?

I met him through a dating app. We got along quite well. We were like best friends. We texted and hung out with each other everyday. We slowly picked up hobbies together.

As time goes by, I fell for him but I never knew how he felt about me because I didn’t have to courage to ask him. I was too hesitant to.

After a few months of knowing each other, he never made any moves so, I thought he didn’t have feelings for me until 9 months in when he suddenly proposed to be together. He told me it wouldn’t be a committed relationship because he will be away for a few years. He also told me he’s not a committed person after his previous relationship experiences.

I was ok with it because I never have high hopes that a relationship will eventually go into marriage. It’s more of “we’ll see how it goes.”

He always liked a S relationship (found out he has a lot of previous flings too) but I’m more of a reserved person and it takes time for me to build up that trust to give it to someone. He broke it off 2 weeks later because he couldn’t accept it anymore (I couldn’t give him what he wanted) and he said we weren’t compatible. He was leaving. But because I didn’t want even to lose him as a friend, we still continue to hang out together even after he had moved away until the relationship becomes kinda like FWB because he started to do all those couple stuff to me.

I was confused at the same time because he always asked me to move on. He told me he never loved me even when he was able to do all those stuff to me. He started to slowly drift away from me as time goes by. One day, he decided to cut my off completely after he said he had someone else in his life already. He told me he was serious about the relationship. He only met her for about a month. He cut me off from all his social media but he still wanna remain ‘friends’.

I don’t understand how that friendship is a friendship already. I don’t know at that point of time, he was telling me this just to push me away or he really met someone because he previously told me that he takes time to really know someone before he decides that someone is for him. I know this eventually will happen and I can’t keep someone who wants to leave. I was devastated by the news but I still wish him well. I know I was being treated as a spare tyre here and having to hear all those bullsh*t just for him to keep me in his life until he finds another. Maybe I was silly to hope that I was able to change his mind as long as I hold on but what can’t be changed will not change.

I waited for him to come back but he never did. 6 months has since passed. I still miss him until today but not as bad as in the beginning. I want to let go of him completely but I still see bits and pieces of him sometimes. Tbh, I couldn’t even see couples around at first because it reminded me of what he did to me but they were just things that he did without having any feelings towards me. I guess men just have this ‘superpower’. Sorry for hearing my rant but I hope this can be a lesson to all the girls out there.

Boyfriend (24M) and I (24F) share a computer.

Yesterday, he got an email notification for a Instagram update from an account I am unaware of with a very lewd username. This alarmed me. I know a lot of his passwords (as he knows mine) and I tried logging into it. What I saw was horrifying.

Dozens of lewd videos and pictures of himself (naked, doing things to himself, sending people messages like come ride it). Tons of people sending the same back to him. I dug further and found he had all sorts of websites (OF, AFF, etc) where he posts pictures and videos of himself.

We live together and spend so much time together that I cannot imagine he would be out cheating on me. When I confronted him he said his info was hacked in a data leak years back and that people have been stealing things from his accounts and making fake accounts with that material.

I find that incredibly hard to believe. I thought we had a really good relationship and this puts so much into question; could this actually be a data hack? I have no real grasp on whether or not someone can steal that much stuff. When asked, he said he likes to take videos of himself but never shares it; he claims someone went into his Instagram and stole the info and made another account with it.

Additionally, I asked him to look me in the eyes and promise he was not lying and he did, however, I do not believe him. IDK what to do. I am scared. I am embarrassed. I am heartbroken. I am lost.

Here are what netizens think:

• This sounds so unlikely as to be laughable.
• No, your instincts are right and this is not a hack. It sounds like he’s to the point of leading a double life. I would move on.
• He is 10000% full of S
• How long have you been with him? How old is he claiming these videos are?

A netizen wrote a lengthy “break up” letter to his/her friend after they stopped replying his/her messages.

Here is the story:

“How do you know a friendship has died? It’s been 4 years, so much has changed.

Hey you

I think everybody deserves a proper ending, although to you it might just feel like any other time. To me, this is how I will end it.

Funny how when you’re deep in something you never realise the issues, and people around you are always the ones pointing out the red flags.

Friends come and go. It’s time we go.

There are two kinds of friends. The chat-regularly kind, and the meet-twice-a-year-during-birthdays-to-catch-up kind. We used to be the former, but things change, and recently the wool over my eyes have been removed by my friends. It’s difficult to play tennis by myself, the ball is always in your court.

When I reduce my reply enthusiasm. Or slow down my replies. Or stop being the one jioing you. Or sending articles of things we should try. Then we wouldn’t talk for long periods.

You might reply enthusiastically, but once every 2 weeks. Yet when we do meet up to catch up, you’re always on your phone when we are walking around. You will reply, just not to me. An observer would have realised I’m being played, but not me when I’m in it.

We used to be able to talk about random day to day happenings. Then I filtered what I said, because since you won’t reply, time-sensitive comments and jios don’t matter. Now, we don’t even talk about big life events that happen to us. Simply because if I do tell you, you wouldn’t read it anyway.

Let’s catch up less regularly, on your terms. If you don’t initiate, I guess we then both agree that I’m always the one initiating and putting in all the effort in this friendship, and let’s call it a day.

Thanks J”

My bf of 10 years and I haven’t slept together but we are happy. Are we weird?

My bf and I are together for 10 years and we have lived together for a couple of years. I am 100% sure he does not watch any adult content

His secondary school friends tried to share some videos with him before but he felt weirded out and that it was disgusting and intrusive to watch other people. He thinks it is disrespectful.

Sometimes I ask him if he wants to try watching for fun but he strongly insists that he doesn’t want to.

We have gone overseas together and sleep on the same bed together every night. However we just have no reason to get naughty?

I hear of SO many friends doing the deed but we are just happy eating, watching shows, chatting, holding hands, hugging…

recently I keep wondering if we are a weird and strange couple. Feels like we are the odd one out. But we are happy and fulfilled. Is there something wrong with us?

We have no desire to get intimate but yes we are attracted to each other. I think he’s very handsome and attractive and he thinks I’m cute and funny. Is it we lack some chemicals in our body ?!

I (24F) am honestly about to break up with my boyfriend for good.

My bf (28M) knows a girl (27F) and were best friends with her for years with her before we met. After we got into a relationship I felt awkward around her so I asked him to distance himself from her a little bit.

I originally thought he did but not only he lied to me about it, I also recently found out that he has cheated at least three times (doing it with the girl and asked for obscene photos via text), even a month before our third anniversary.

She confessed it to me and told me that she’s been in love with him all these years. When I confronted him, he denied it but I eventually got proof of the texts and he apologized saying that he said it was all a lie because he was afraid of losing me.

He really seems regretful and asked for another chance (he’s not talking to her anymore) but I don’t think we will work, he has lost my trust. I already told him this but he’s sure that if I give him a little bit more time everything will be okay. I’m really trying to have hope because I really love him, but my mood is constantly changing and I’m getting tired of being this sad all the time… do you think people change?

Honestly, I don’t believe that a male and female can be best friends there is always something going on.

Do I continue to try and trust him?

Here are what netizens think:

• You wrote that he already cheated three times!! What change do you think is going to happen?

• Good luck but if you let him get away with cheating on you 3 times he has no reason to stop, he has cheated the whole time you have been with you he does not respect you. So please respect yourself and hold your head up high and walk out that door and go NC, plus that will drive him crazy so it’s a way for you to hurt him back without cheating or telling lies.

• Gong dai gong cb, 3 times you still consider going back. Are you a genius.

Husband acts like he prefers my daughter over me

I got married & gave birth when i was 18.

The marriage eventually ended & i remarried, bringing my daughter along when she was a teenager.

Now my daughter has grown up and married. However, my husband’s behaviour seems weird recently.

He will want to include my daughter in every outing or meal. I can’t go “paktor” with him anymore without him asking me to call my daughter to come along.

Once during dinner with friends, he chose to sit beside her instead of me, taking up the seat meant for her husband. When i asked him to move over & sit with me, he just said he prefers to sit there with his girlfriend.

I trust my daughter not to have anything of that kind with my husband, but i don’t trust my husband anymore. He would rather go to her for opinions and help everytime when he has a wife just beside him. I tried to talk to him about it but he always changes the subject.

Do i have the right to suspect him?