i know i look good without makeup. i sometimes go makeup-free and i feel just as pretty when i wear makeup. but i have acne and i only do that when i dont have bulging bumps all over my face. he knows im insecure about that so i think he says this as a way to help, but he says this every single time he sees me with makeup. he likes to put his hand on my face and wipe it off and i freak out because he’s putting germs on my face and also making my cystic acne show. i really dont know how to make him stop without being rude.

ive told him that i dont like when he does this, but i know he thinks he’s helping so he does it again.

Here are what netizens think:

• Tell him you appreciate the compliment, but that you like how you look both ways and it’s not necessary to bring it up.

• This is a “doing bad by trying to be good” thing. Just be honest with him and tell him how you feel, just don’t do it in a way that might make him feel attacked for his past behavior, as I have an inkling he just doesn’t understand entirely. Make up to a man is often shown or advertised as “she’s trying to be beautiful” It took me quite a few years myself to begin to see it as an accessory, rather than whatever else I saw it as, for lack of a better word. He appreciates your natural beauty, he just doesn’t know you’re trying to accessorize or compliment that with some makeup.

• I had an ex try to get me to stop wearing make up, he turned out to be a huge control freak and jealous bordering on paranoia, he thought I wore make up to attract/impress other men (?). It then got to my clothes, he tries to control what I wore and make my style more ‚modest‘, while pretending to help me elevate my natural beauty. He got super mad when I told him to knock it off. It was all just controlling and abusive bullshit, which I think is happening here. Wiping off her make up because he doesn’t her to wear any is no different than ripping off her clothes because he doesn’t like them.

I’m having some problems with intimacy in my marriage. 

We’ve been married for 6 years and they’ve been some of the happiest years of my life. My wife had 3 children before we got together and we have a child together. All I’ve ever wanted was a family and I’ve been so lucky to have been blessed with that.

But we had a break up 3 years ago due to me not listening to her enough and getting in arguments, but we got back together. 

We’ve always been very affectionate towards each other since the start of our relationship, but lately we’ve been less so. I’m a massive worrier and have found myself under a lot of pressure and stress lately due to work and money. We hardly have any time together on our own as it’s a busy household, but we make time to go on date nights/days. 

A few weeks ago my wife said that we need to work on our relationship and be more intimate which I agreed with. A few days ago, she suggested that we have more S and whilst I wanted to, our son was still awake at the time. After we put him to bed, I was very tired as I have not been sleeping well for the last few weeks due to stress and anxiety. She then got upset and slept downstairs on the sofa. In the morning she said that she’s no longer attracted to me, doesn’t want to have S with me anymore.

After our last break up and how much it upset our children, she said that she wanted an open relationship as she needs to intimate with someone. I suggested talking about it which she said she doesn’t want to do as her points still stand. 

I’m really upset and struggling today to understand why she doesn’t want to talk about it to see if we can work on the intimacy side of our marriage. I don’t see how an open relationship is going to work out for us as we have never been unfaithful to each other. 

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. 

My girlfriend (28F) broke with me (27M) after 5 years but still want to live and sleep with me

We had a conversation yesterday and she told me about her feeling, she doesn’t love me anymore, no particular reason, it’s gone, it can’t come back, nothing to do, it’s the end.

I was prepared since 2 weeks because she was very distant, so I handle it very well to be honest, far better I expected. I was very sad, but relieved that this nightmare was over, to no longer live with doubt and questioning, that she had found the strength to tell me things and imagine that it soothed her heart too.

But well, things cannot be so simple! She tell me she still want to live with me, she want to be my friend. I said to myself, she’s trying to reassure me that I’m not going to find myself alone overnight.

I didn’t want us to continue living together by default or out of pity or to avoid loneliness.

So I ask her directly, “do you prefer to live alone or with me ?” she said with me, I asked another question “Do you want to live with Luna (her best friend) or with me ?” she said with me.

I found that weird, but it was only the beginning. I wanted to sleep in the living room, and she doesn’t accept it, she come multiple time to speak with me during the night, and finish by sleep with me because she doesn’t want to sleep without me.

And this morning she can’t stop to be tactile with me, and started to cry, and told me she doesn’t understand what is happening in her head because she doesn’t feel the same thing as yesterday.

She asked me “You’re not going to leave are you?”, I said no but… well, maybe yes, I should.

It look like she is regretting very fast…

But I don’t want to have hope for nothing, I don’t know how to behave. It look like she realise what she did and what she lost.

But what is the value of this electric shock? Is it temporary? She says her brain sends her lots of images of what she likes about me and really doesn’t understand what’s going on.

I told her I was really surprised by her reaction, I thought she would be relieved and start to get back to normal.

But I have in front of me someone who wants to continue to live, sleep and have affection with me. That for me it is the very definition of love. That if it’s a lack of intimate desire or something else it can be worked on. I added that it was my definition and that perhaps we did not have the same one.

She said “yet I agree with what you say”.

She continue to cry and show regrets, I told her that I understood, that I’ve known this feeling before, of realizing the importance of things when I lose them, that it didn’t matter, that she had to take the time to reflect and put her mind and ideas in order.

I don’t know what else to do, I just want her to be okay and know what she wants, I love her so much

I received a call from a scammer with strong Malaysian accent on 17 May 8:12pm pretending to be someone I know. the caller claimed that his handphone and wallet got stolen by the workers renovating his house and this was his new number.

His mobile number is ********. i asked him who he was and he said he was someone that talked to me often, how could i forget. instead i blurted out my colleague’s name which he said he was.

Next day, still thinking he was my colleague he called for help to transfer money to his contractor because he has fired them for the stolen incident but he needed to pay them for the works already done and his bank account is not activated yet. he mentioned he would pay me back the next day once his account is activated.

Thinking he needed it urgently, I transferred 3600 to his contractor. then he requested for another 6000 because his friend mistakenly transferred to his account instead of the contractor. but i only decided to transfer 1400, saying my limit was 5000. he kept asking me to check if my limit could be changed.

So, I said i was out for lunch and will do so when i’m back in office. back in office, i suddenly thought to message my colleague on microsoft teams, and asked him about it. he said he did not call me at all, and then I realized it was all a scam!

Should have checked with my colleague before doing any transfers! i hope police can nab this scammer!

Wondering if my bf actually wants to be with me.

First-year of dating was promised marriage, it did not happen and I was given excuses such as a lack of financial stability, our young age and according to him, 1 year is too short of a time for him to make a decision.

Second-year of dating, we had quite a few talks and sometimes arguments about the same issue, I managed to get him to promise a ring, nothing fancy, just a simple ring and ROM, so as to save the money for a grand wedding that does not need to happen now when he is still not yet financially stable, maybe years later?

Just for some background, the initial idea was to have a fancy wedding with him proposing to me with the rings being delivered by some cute dogs, but I have expressively told him that I am willing to lower my standards to a simple proposal and ROM.

Fast forward to the beginning of this year, nothing happened, no proposal, nothing, he seems to be avoiding the topic. I really want to keep this relationship going, I am happy with him, but I cannot help but feel that he just keeping me around as an option at this point of time.

I have been keeping quiet about this and hoping that he actually does something, but nothing, no wedding talks, everything that happens is just everyday life, no plans for the future being talked about, he seemingly seems to be trying to keep me distracted with games and stating that he is busy with work.

What does this mean guys? Are guys all so indecisive about the woman they want to be with? Does he not realize that he has broken a very important promise? Is the promise of marriage just something he is using to shut me up for some time? how do I make an ultimatum? At the same time, I really do not want to leave him, but this broken promise really makes me wonder if he really wants me, or is he just keeping me around as an option…

Here are what netizens think:

• I think most guys will be scare away if first year dating and you all already talking about marriage. Unless both of you all are like over 30 plus. From my point of view, i feel that he already not into you. Just that he still holding on cos he still can’t find someone else to replace you yet.

• Why are u in a hurry to marry. .marriage should not be forced. And now all the expectations of fanciful wants.Wait till the house, expenses n kids expenditure come.I see no end of arguments coming.

• You sound pushy and he doesn’t sound ready. 2 years of dating you talk as though you have been waiting for 10 years. You did not mention age so I can’t see what’s the rush to get married. Marriage is not the end you know? The real journey begins after marriage. He is wise to wait if he’s not ready.I don’t read anything very off about him from your posts. You spent too much time overthinking what kind of a future you want while he is still in the dating phrase. The mistake was to promise marriage very early in the beginning of the relationship. You were just getting to know each other as bf/gf and spoke based on your emotional state.Stop talking to him about what kind of wedding you want. That’s not the main point. Talk (not confront) about what kind of a life you want to have together 5,10 years down the road. If he can have a rough picture of his future and that includes you. That’s positive. If he can’t even imagine, it’s not a good sign.You also have to self reflect are you acting like a potential wife. Are you ready for the role? That’s different from wanting to hold a wedding.

Seeking advice on overthinking about the smallest things

I somehow believe I overthink and worry too much into the things I want to do, that I ask myself a lot of questions, thinking about scenario that can “possibly” happen.

Pulling in a simple example, Lets say I want to get a contractor to install something at my toilet, can consider it as an upgrade.

I will overthink things like

1. what if the contractors comes at 5.45pm, when 6pm is the cut off for installation,

2. will they get denied entry by the security

3. what am i going to say to the security to convince them to let the contractors to continue.

4. when will they come back to install again,

5. do I need to take leave,

6. are they going to charge me extra for the 2nd trip.

7. If they can make it in time, (in terms of installation) where are they pulling the water from, how much changes are they going to make to the existing installation.

8. Are the changes going to look nice, if nice, how nice, what is the definition of nice..

9. if not nice, what do i need to do to make it look nice, how bad it is that installation is deemed as bad.

10. How about the old installation, are they going to throw it away for me,

11. where are they going to dispose it, a random place? then will anyone come look for me because my contractor did not dispose the waste material properly,

12. will i get fined.

13. am i going to claim the damage from the contractor,

14. what am i going to say to them to make them pay for the disposal.

15. if they refuse to dispose, where do i throw it at, do i have the capability to even dispose it away by myself,.

16. How are they pulling in the power to my installation, do I have an electrical outlet or any spare power lines above the partition.

17. What if the contractor say they are unable to install due to whatever reason, how am i going to make a decision.

18. if the size is wrong, then what can i do, rebuy the stuff, how much time it will take,

19. What should be the basis for my decision….

20. Am i going to engage another contractor (extra money) or what am i going to do.

It is just a trivial installation matter, which may eventually take about 2 hours or so. I will ask so many questions like these to myself and feel stressed when unable to answer them. So I will just start to worry worry worry.

Eventually, I will end up giving up on the idea and don’t dare to proceed, and forget about it.

I really just want to carry out my ideas without worrying so so so much stuff.

Netizens’ comments

This is definitely anxiety and it’s more common than you think! Some of us just mask it better.

Ignore the advice : “don’t overthink, just do it!” because they don’t understand our brains are wired differently.

What helps me sometimes would be someone else who reminds me that there are so many “what ifs” and those questions would only slow me down, and sometimes cutting your train of thoughts by focusing back on the goal helps too. I also redirect all the “what ifs” by planning and making plan Bs for different scenarios as well. It takes time and practice but gotta always keep in mind that action has to be made.

Lastly, if its too overwhelming, do seek some help!

Good luck!