I recently dated a Singaporean guy and eventually he become my bf. He did pay for the first date and all. But subsequently in the relationship, he did hint to split 50 50 and want me to take parts of my share. He send me home everytime initially , but after we get together, no more.

He say in Singapore, 80% of the relationship goes on dutch and 15% is guys pay all and 5% others. It is true? I wasnt from Singapore and he was the first Singaporean bf I have. From my understanding, guy do pay for dates. But when in relationship, is it normally dutch? One meal alternatively? He wants equal contribution to our relationship. We had a fight over this and he gave in.

When we talk about family, he say he expect his wife to continue work after pregnancy because he think women will become shallow and obsolete if they don’t. Is this a common beliefs among the Singaporean? I don’t intend to be a housewife but taking out the option is another thing.

I know each relationship is unique and we are all dealing with different things. The objective is this post is just to understand the social norms Singaporean guys have. I am just confused that is my bf the norm or not.

My bf still treated me very well and love me a lot. He did pay for most of the date and I pay for some dates. He pay for the food, I pay for the drinks.

Here are what netizens think:

• Welcome to dating reality.To be honest, I don’t think your guy is calculative. If he is, he would have insisted you pay for the meals instead of just drinks.What he really want isn’t you paying for the meals. What he really want is you NOT taking him for granted.Did you ever inititate paying for the meals? Or you just sit there and wait for him to pull out his credit card? If it’s the latter, then you are the problem.When he says he wants equal contribution in the r/s, he is saying: “hey, take some initiative and pay for our dates, however small”.You bf is giving you reasonable expectations, he is trying to tell you, “I can be in this tog with you, but you have to show me you are too”.Show him you care and don’t take him for granted. I think he is honest enough to let you know his expectations early, than pull out these issues during an argument.

• Not just in Singapore but especially in the West. Based on your story, you seem to hold traditional ideals. If you want to be treated as an equal in a relationship, you have to know how to give and not just to take. Unless you have no job or source of income as a woman then maybe that is an excuse..Do not expect men nowadays to treat you like a princess unless you come from wealthy family or is drop dead gorgeous, then maybe men will willingly spend for everything.Be more independent that is my advice and have less expectations from men , especially if you are already in a relationship. In marriage though , women sacrifice more, especially when she has to give up her career and even looks so if you do not want to be a doormat when you become a mom and a wife, you have to choose a guy who loves you more because in marriage, it is the woman who gives the ultimate sacrifices that money cannot pay. What men do not realize is that 9 months is just the pregnancy part, raising a child is years and decades of sacrifice so I say to women, be independent but be very very wise in choosing your partner. That marriage can make or break you. That is marriage benefits the men more so dear men please do not count what you give monetarily because you cannot even afford to pay what women will sacrifice.Financially independent women know their worth. Be very observant of your partners because they can lead to your downfall.

• As a married woman. I honestly think you must work no matter what. Unless your husband can make you a tai tai. Tai tai and stay at home mum is different. Stay at home still must do housework, tai tai is go shopping and waste money everyday.

• Here’s a wild thought:How about not being hung up on whether the guy pays for the date or not (at least not only that);But being laser sharp on whether that man is both generous and wise in finances OVERALL. Just like whether guys discern whether their woman is a kind and gracious, indeed even generous, lady?Long-term stable couples would know what I mean.

A man seeks serious advice for his relationship after his girlfriend has a problem with his hobbies.

He states that Pokemon cards are a big part of his life but his girlfriend thinks otherwise.

Here is the story:

I need some serious relationship advice here.

I finally got myself a girlfriend. She’s pretty, and has a great figure, but the only downside is she hates my hobby with Pokémon cards.

I had emphasized many times to her that Pokémon cards are a form of investment just like how people are crazy over NFTs.

She just can’t seem to accept it.

To provide some context, I was previously a loner with no friends. I had only my Pokémon cards to provide me with accompany.

She complains that I am always going back to the mall, spending hours at the card shop looking at Pokémon cards and spending an excessive amount of time online.

She calls it a fetish.

After 1 month of us being together, she decided to give me the ultimatum. Give up my Pokémon cards or her.

I am in a serious dilemma now.

Should I get the dark Charizard next or the dark Dragonite next?

Here are what netizens think:

• Better than spending money drinking, at least your cards might have some value one day

• Tell her relationship or marriage is not everything. Be honest with her with your inner thoughts and communication is vital to keep any relationship gtg. Let say even if you give up Pokemon card hobbies and chose her, in future if you have any other hobbies she will make a big fuss of it and ask you to prioritize her over everything. Better think wisely and good luck to you.

• A lot of hobbies and collections come and go specially when you are older and has other priorities in life.

• On the path to be the best, sacrifices are necessary. Drive on, my brave warrior!

I have been single for all my life (25 years, male). I have tried dating apps for around 2 years now, and while I do get some matches (one per month on average), I think the problem is me because I can never seem to get out of the talking stage.

I have only been on 1 date my whole life. The pandemic did make finding people outside of apps difficult, but even now as I try social groups etc the people there just aren’t in my age range.

How does, or should, one acquiesce in the fact that one may never be able to find a partner?

A lot of people tell me being single is great: I have freedom, I can save money etc, that I should just wait for the right one and she will come eventually, that I should embrace my singlehood, that I should love myself more and all the typical things that people in a relationship will tell their single friends etc etc.

I just feel so lonely and sad. But the reason why I desire a companion is because I’m not close to my family and my friends rarely entertain me anymore (due to school/work/presence of girlfriend etc).

I suppose in life, there are some things that one just cannot have… For a good education at NUS and a stable, high-paying job in the civil service, I seem to have traded all that in in return for not having a love life (or rather, an ugly face).

My job is highly demanding and stressful and I’m just so afraid I’ll go crazy if I don’t have an outlet/supportive network to seek.

So I guess my main questions is: How would/should one acquiesce in not being able to find a partner for emotional support?

Editor’s note: For the readers, “acquiesce” means to accept something reluctantly.

A netizen shared a story about how he went to Johor with his friends for a short getaway and bought some contraband cigarettes there for about RM5.

However, the cigarettes tasted a little bit weird and when he opened up the cigarette, he found dead ants inside.

Here is what he said

“I went to JB with my friends late one night a few weeks ago to have supper and also to stay over at a relative’s house there before going shopping the next day.

A little background, all of us were smokers, and one of the reasons we went to JB was to smoke cheaper cigarettes.

The cigarettes in JB are relatively much cheaper than Singapore, and they are around the RM13 to RM17 price range. You divide by the exchange rate and it’s so much cheaper.

So after eating supper, we drove around to look see look see and we saw a man peddling cigarettes near an ulu alley beside the road.

We had no idea where we were because we were anyhow driving and the road signs were not very visible because the street lights were not that bright.

So my friend stopped his car and rolled down his window, and asked the man how much was he selling each carton for.

The man told us one carton for RM50, and we were so happy because that amounts to about RM5 per pack, which is like $1.50 in SGD.

So we bought a carton and drove off, before lighting up the cigarettes inside the car.

Oh ya the cigarettes were apparently “Marlboro”, or so that’s what was printed on the cigarette box ah, so Marlboro cannot go wrong right?

My first impression when smoking the cigarette was that it tasted very weird, and the smoke was very very rough on my lungs.

Like you know when you are burning joss paper and you one shot throw too many papers into the bin to burn, and the ensuing smoke kinda chokes you?

It felt like that, and the taste was very bitter and disgusting. And there was also some sparkling sounds from the cigarette when we smoked it, and we got worried that there was something inside that would explode or what.

So I threw away the lit cigarette and took out a new cigarette from the pack, and opened it up, and to my horror, I found a bunch of what appears to be dead ants inside, with the legs and all.

The ants appeared to be ground up with some of the ants’ bodies missing the head, missing the legs, missing the backside all.

I immediately threw the whole pack away and told my friend to stop the car because I had to vomit, it was so disgusting.

In the end we all threw the whole carton away and lamented the waste of RM50, that’s what you get for being super cheapskates.

Never buying contraband cigarettes from JB anymore, lesson learned.”

Editor’s note: You paid RM50 to smoke dead ants hahahaha

S assaulted at 14 – should I report this 16 years later?

I was s assaulted by my ex-colleague when I was 14 years old while working for those part-time job. It has scarred me ever since and I can’t seem to overcome the trauma.

His siblings are still on my social media and sometimes I search to find out how my predator is doing. He is married with a child and looks happy. I cannot forget the day when he tricked me into a secluded corner thinking it was some surprise celebration.

The worse thing is he did not only assault me once but twice. I was too young and scared to tell anyone then. He told me he did it because he love me and that screwed up my mind and perception of love. After that, he said he did it because every guy in his secondary school has already done it.

I remember I did not fight back and froze in terror. The smell, the moment is still vivid and I sometimes freeze if I smell something similar to that moment.

I definitely have mental illness after that as I am often thinking to take my own life. Sometimes I feel like I should have reported him to the authorities. Is it too late? Will anyone believe me? Can I see justice done?

What will happen to his baby?

I feel so much misery. Seeing a private mental health professional costs $200 per hour. I tried going to IMH and got referred to a psychiatrist and psychologist but the psychiatrist/psychologist kept looking at the clock or watch. I hated how they ask me to rate my emotions on a notepad. Stupid SOP.

It definitely didn’t work.

I also got referred to a community Center counsellor and she ask me to look at the flame in the candle to have peace or listen to the sound of water. What kind of bull sheet is that?!

When I started work, there were incidents when male colleagues tried to kiss me or ask me to go and bring them around at night. I dress conservatively and work hard, so is this a common and normal thing?

So many problems and no one to turn to.

My bestie girl friend often goes ‘MIA’ whenever she feels down. What should I do?

We knew each other for 10 over years since pri sch. Grew up & experience life tgt. Can talk about anything and everything. My comfort zone and a really good friend. We’re the low-key kind of friendship-knowing that even if we don’t see each other for months or years we’ll always be in each other’s heart.

The only thing I dislike about her is that she’s an over thinker and tends to be abit more negative. She gets emo and affected easily. Hence, sometimes hanging out with her tends to affect me as well due to the ‘negative vibes’ around her.

Also, She oftens ‘MIA’ on WhatsApp/ IG etc whenever she feels down or a need to ‘take a break’ to be alone & won’t reply to anyone’s messages.

As a good friend, I try to stand in her position and do know that it’s just her healing & coping mechanism. It’s a way for her to heal herself. However I just dislike the ‘MIA’ part as I can’t be always the one waiting for her to be back in the friendship and MIA whenever she feels like.

I cherish our friendship but it’s hard for me to understand her actions & it’s affecting me. But I don’t think it’s good to tell her this because everyone deals with things differently.

I really love her as my bestie. Even though she tries to fix her mentality issues to be more positive there’s still a ‘negative’ aura around her (idk how to explain) and I rlly dislike the negative aura around her as I do get affected as well.

Do y’all have any good friend that are like this? What should I do? Should I continue this friendship?