So I (19M) have a dual bank account with my mom (36F) that she set up for me when I was around 16.

this dual account allows for her to take money out at any time to spend on whatever she wants (usually groceries or other needed things).

The issue isn’t that she is using the money for these things my issue is with the idea that she can take my money whenever with little warning. She usually will text me telling me that she’s taking money, what she’s using it for, and when she’ll pay me back, but this can be at any time of the day no matter if I’m sleeping, working, or doing other tasks.

Whenever I confront her about how her borrowing money bothers me she throws it back at me with the usual “you act like I’m not going to pay you back” or “I pay for this stuff for you without even asking you to pay me back”. I try to explain to her most times that I mostly take issue with the lack of consideration that I may have plans for my money and it usually ends up with her arguing with me about it.

The thing is, the money in the bank account is 90% all mine.

It is the money I put together from working part time since I was 16 and I use it mostly to pay for my school fees and transport.

Should I just open a new bank account and transfer all my share away?

I don’t want to look like I am a bad person either.

My partner (35m) and I (31f) have an argument and I am not sure if I am at fault. My MIL who is from Malaysia (50-something) wants to visit after she has been in our home for a week.

After she left I made it clear that next time she will be staying elsewhere but my partner disagrees now.

There is a nice hotel just not far away where we usually place our overnight guests. I am also willing to pay for it. I don’t mind her visiting and having her over, doing things with her, taking her out. But I do not want her living here.

When MIL visited in April I was still working from home 100%. She said she would leave after breakfast, and explore during the day until my partner would be home from work. What really happened was that she was home all day, rummaging around and:

• she cleaned my already clean house
• did my laundry including underwear
• took everything out of my cabinets and put it back in in a “more practical” order
• bought things she felt “missing” in our household (a 2nd air fryer?!)  and acted like a generous saint
• was digging my plants
• came into my home office every 30 minutes to ask something or bring tea even after I told her to stop bc I need to work.

All of that also repeatedly after being asked not to.

In the evenings we decided about dinner the next day and make reservations or I bought groceries to cook a meal we decided on together. On the next day she would always randomly start to cook completely different meals without asking anyone first ignoring the fact we made other plans and ignoring the fact I dislike meat by cooking the most meaty dishes imaginable. Saying “I thought it would be better if I cooked anyways and I don’t mind.”

In the evening they would always fight. She had a nasty divorce from FIL 4 years ago which took a toll on her mental health. I am really sorry that this happened to her but she can’t get over it and won’t seek professional help. Instead she’s crying to my partner about it for 4 years now. When he tries to argue about getting therapy she will get angry and in the end they will scream and she will cry.

When attention was not on her she’d make comments like “I know I am just a burden to you but 2 more days and you’ll be rid of me” and stuff.

I don’t want her to live here again. My partner says I am cold-hearted and because I have such a bad relationship to my own family I can’t understand it.

How do you guys cope with being ugly/average looking?

I feel like this is not talked about enough but it seems in recent years, an increasingly strong emphasis is placed on our appearances.

Even after deleting social media like TikTok, I still feel upset about being ugly or average.

Especially when my friends (both male and female) mention someone like “xyz damn pretty” or whatever, I feel bitter and almost kind of jealous.

I have other things I build my self-worth on, but for looks, I just feel like I can’t change much (plastic surgery is out of the question for me).

Even if I have a nice body, most guys seem to care more about the face. How do you guys cope with your looks if you feel you are ugly?

Netize’s comments

The best way is to accept that you’re born a certain way and be glad about other aspects of you that you might be great at. I’ve definitely felt some people who are below average in looks very attractive because they are kind, and gotten turned off by good looking people because they felt like they were entitled.

But if you want to do something about your looks, I’ve seen make up/ a change of wardrobe do wonders for people.

Marriage isn’t working out

I’ve been married for 11 months now and I know my husband for 6 years.

Things aren’t working out and I don’t know what to do. We are on the verge of calling it quits. He works and drinks too much and there is no time for the relationship.

Yes we do go on holidays, movies, dates, but the spark is not there anymore and neither is any intimacy. We are just going on with the motions but there isn’t anything else. He doesn’t have the mental bandwidth because of his work. I don’t know how much more understanding to be when he has the audacity to blame me because the spark and feelings aren’t there. “Even on holiday there’s nothing between us” – huh? No effort and feelings can magically appear?

Is divorce the only way?

Tried suggesting marriage counselling but a) he doesn’t have time and b) his family mooted the idea so we just never went. Even trying to talk ends up in fights.

What to do? Is this the usual ‘just started living together, first 2 years are rocky’ fights? How do I know if I will ever get my relationship back or if this is the end? Planning on having a sit-down discussion with the families, or is this a bad idea?

I feel like I will be happier alone, and I do prefer it when he goes to work (I work from home) but it is very lonely.

Here are what netizens think:

• Marriage is kinship by choice, it is not always romance at all. If it is end of the road then do it on a nice note but remember why you choose to be with him in the first place. Don’t regret after choosing your decision.
• If he can’t even make time for counselling, it means that there’s no effort on his part to even want to salvage the relationship.
• This is why having an intelligent and humorous partner is important in a rs if you’re someone who is a bore. Some couples can do nothing for days but it’s still a place full of laughters

Is it alright if I go directly to my boss and not my manager?

I’m 28F working in an online marketing agency. We have around 24 people at the office and the company is 3 years old.

I’ve been working there since the beginning of this year and since I have no educational background in this field, I have had a lot to learn (which is not uncommon for my field).

At the office I’m in a team of five people. One is my manager, let’s call her Jane, one is the CEO of the company, let’s call him John. Then there are my two colleagues, 31M and 35F. 35F is the newest addition to the team and we talk a lot about our work, ask each other questions and get along really well.

Now the issue is that I don’t really get along with my manager, Jane. She has around two years of experience in the business and while I do respect and admire her skills, I don’t feel that she is a great manager. I rarely get any feedback or acknowledgment which has led to me being insecure about the quality of my work and where I stand at the company.

We have had a fair few people quitting recently to seek out new challenges and some people have been let go as the market is changing. The lack of feedback is one of the reasons they move on.

I chose to go to John, as he is the CEO and also part of my team. I feel more comfortable talking to him and I expressed my issues with the lack of feedback. He was really nice about it and gave me permission to seek him out for feedback and help whenever I need it – without my manager having to be involved.

And now to the part where I might end up being an AH: I spoke to my dad about it and he mentioned that excluding my manager might create some issues. It’s unfair to her and I do see the point in what he says. At the same time I believe that it is my boss’ responsibility to make sure she is doing her best and since he has given me permission to get my needed feedback from him, I don’t think it is my responsibility to include my manager. It is a small company and everyone is quite young which means there is not a lot of experience with these things. I don’t have a lot of experience on workplace etiquette either.

I have been together with my husband for 7 years and married for 3 years. Both of us are in our mid-30s and he has been working from home daily.

Right after the borders opened, he started to travel a lot (like 3-4 times a month) claiming that his company had sent him overseas for work.

90% of the time the destination is Thailand.

So he started getting cold to me after he had gone to these trips, he doesn’t answer his phones and often takes forever to reply to me.

He always says that he is in a meeting or he is tired claiming that he went straight to bed after work.

This goes on and on for around 4 months.

Until 2 weeks ago, he went off for his business trip but this time he was entirely uncontactable. I only know that his plane ticket is bound for Chiang Mai and I have no other details.

For 7 days he was uncontactable and I almost gave up. I tried to ask his friends but they had no idea what happened to him, so I stalked his Facebook account and messaged one of his best friends and call him.

Initially, the best friend said he don’t know what happened but I could tell from his voice that he was lying.

He later revealed to me that my husband had met someone else in Chiang Mai and most probably will not come back.

I told him to come over to my home to talk about it. He initially said no, But I managed to force him to come over.

So when he came over, I told him to tell the truth about my husband. I told him to look my kids in the eye and think twice before answering any fake excuses or cover-ups.

He eventually showed me some photos my husband had sent him, it was a girl who looks like in her early 20s and he revealed that my husband met her during his 1st work trip.

I asked if he know where exactly my husband is staying at but he said that he has no idea. I was thinking to fly over and confront him but he has entirely gone MIA.

Now I am in a situation where I do not know what to do. My husband can work entirely online and since he is not coming back the divorce procedure is going to be a problem since it involves the HDB.

Obviously, I will need the HDB for my kids. We both paid 50/50 for it.

I contacted my lawyer and the lawyer said that this kind of case is not as rare as one might think, it happens to both males and females.

Before I take action I am thinking if there is a chance my husband will come back. I don’t want my kids to grow up without a father.

What should I do?

A little background. Kinda long sorry.

I kicked my husband out a few months ago due to him preferring alcohol and his family (cousins). He also stressed us out, constantly giving us orders and constantly asking why the house was never clean, instead of saying hello kid’s I missed you, how was your day?.

I suffer from anxiety, major depressive disorder, cptsd and fibromyalgia plus other chronic health-related issues. My 3 kids range in age 12-4. They also have health issues (we won that health lottery right?)

So the thing is, all week I have been feeling very ill and depressed, to the point where I stopped caring about anything. Today I had a bit of energy and cooked some lunch for the kid’s but, in doing so, my carpal tunnel decided to act upon both hands (I was supposed to have surgery years ago but had a newborn and it would have been a minimum of 6 months recovery) to the point I couldn’t even pick up a fork.

My ex-husband called to see if he could still visit the kid’s since it is a good weather. He is not allowed in my house due to his constant berating and criticism. He is not on the lease anymore either. I asked him what he would be doing since I know how he is. He said he would be upstairs with my daughter (he cares more about her, forgetting about the boys) cleaning her room, just like the day before. I told him her room was clean and he didn’t really have a reason to be upstairs (he likes to go snooping through my drawers and bedroom just to start a fight).

I proceeded to ask him if he could help me wash some dishes since my hands were in pain, my 12 yr old (autistic) can’t wash the dishes due to having problems in his finger’s. He snarkily said no, that since I had decided to kick him out, he had no obligation to help me and to figure it out on my own. I proceeded to extricate myself from the call and gave it to my son. I hate asking for help and he knew that. He knows that I only ask for help when extremely needed.

So my son, still on the phone asks me if his dad was allowed to visit. I said no. Mind you I was already crying from his response and still trying to shake off my depression.

I feel like an ass because I decided to save myself some mental/physical anguish that his visit would cost me over my kid’s seeing their father.

My kid’s say it was okay because they know how he is and have seen me try to hold it in. But still, I don’t think it’s fair to them. I forgot to add, he see’s them almost daily, 2 hour’s or less, outside of my house with the excuse he can’t have them at his house, because my daughter once accidentally made her baby cousin cry. He lives with his cousins.

bf doesn’t like when I look good

I’m a 23f my bf is 23 too. I dont really do much on a day to day, id say i look like a slob, no makeup, workout clothes, etc.

like once a week my bf and i will go on a date, and i take this time to make myself look really good. hair, makeup, cute outfit etc.

he begins acting extremely weird when i start getting ready and it kinda throws off the whole vibe for the night.

the other day he asked if i could wear “comfortable clothes”, i asked why, and he said bc i “act like im better than him” when i dress up..?

first, i don’t understand because he’s right next to me the entire time we’re out.

second i dont even dress up, just a cute shirt and some leggings.

i asked what he meant by that and he dismissed it. not sure what this means or how to proceed from here

Hey, so my friend and I were talking during a lecture. You know, whispering. Since it’s my second time taking the course, I talked a bit more than usual but tried not to bother anyone.

My vision is bad so I always sit really close to the professor so that I can understand the presentation. I sit in the 3rd row and for some reason, everybody else resorts to rows 7 and further up. That’s usually at my uni.

At the break of the lecture, my friend and I just start talking at usual speaking volume.

All of a sudden, a guy really aggressively storms down, focuses completely on me, less on my friend (23, m), and starts yelling: “Shut your F Mouth, you two! People can hear you up to the last row, it’s really not bearable, shut the f up!!!”

And I responded that we didn’t mean to bother anyone, but I couldn’t help but ask why he couldn’t have said that in a friendly manner.

I surely didn’t bother him on purpose, I was simply unaware that my talking was bothering people more than the other people’s occasional talking. I have also been bothered by people’s conversations before but I approach and ask kindly if they could try keeping it down a bit more.

The guy responds: “because you guys have already been bothering me last week!!” So I asked: “Then why didn’t you come and tell us kindly last week?”

And he responded: “Because I wanted to be friendly! For real though, shut the F up!” He seemed very intimidating. My friend and I would have been quiet had somebody told us we were bothersome sooner. We didn’t mean to disturb others. The guy leaves up to his seat (3 rows behind us, not in the last row at all) and the story is over.

I understand I did something wrong and it was never my intention to bother the man, but I fail to understand how it was ok to explode at us like that. 200 other people are still present in the lecture hall.

He was way louder than the entire lecture or people taking a break had been. I have never seen him, met him nor talked to him before. Am I in the wrong for talking and getting upset that I was yelled at?