I’m a 26F and my 27M boyfriend of 6 months is addicted to “videos online”. He told me he PCC to P at least 2 times a week.

We’re physically intimate and monogamous, so I feel sad knowing I’m not enough to satisfy his urges. Furthermore, he told me that in the past he had visited a massage parlour once though he swears it was and is going to be that once only.

I’m worried that his habit will worsen and he may potentially cheat on me in future or visit a massage parlour again. We talked about it and he told me he’s taking steps to stop the P habit and assured me it was the only challenge, with the other two concerns under control.

I trust him and see a future with him, but I’m worried that his lack of self control may turn around to bite me in the future, such that whenever he goes out alone I can’t help but worry that he may visit a parlour or cheat on me. Am I overreacting or is this a legitimate concern?

Here are what netizens think:

• Your concerns are valid, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling uneasy about your boyfriend’s habits. Open communication is crucial in a relationship, and it’s positive that you’ve already discussed these concerns with him.

• self release is a common activity no matter what age and status. 16 to 85 will still watch and self release. Even if they are single or married or with kids. It’s only an addiction if it affects your mental state and have bad withdrawal symptoms. For the rest of us it helps sleep better and reduce tension. And boys, you want to confess your exciting history good for you. I can only tell you be smarter.

• What proof does he have to indicate he is reducing his addiction? Your biggest fear is cheating. Not watching 

• You both are physically intimate? This is an easy problem to solve. Go on a one week holiday with him and get him off 4-5 times a day without P. I hope he lasts beyond two days. Too much of anything is not fun.

When I first met my now-wife, I knew there was something special about her. Not only was she attractive and intelligent, but she had something that I had been looking for in a partner for a long time: frugality.

When I proposed to her, I asked her why she was so frugal. She told me a story about how her parents had instilled a sense of financial responsibility in her from a young age. They would tell her that if she wanted to eat at a nice restaurant, she had to be willing to pay the price. She learned that if she wanted something, she had to be willing to pay for it.

To this day, my wife still follows this rule. She will only buy things if she can afford them, and she is willing to sacrifice luxury for practicality. She also has a great sense of humor about it. Whenever we go out to eat, she will joke that she’s going to order the “$5 also full” foodcourt meal, referring to a meal that’s just enough to fill you up. We also joke about the “$50 also full” meal, which is saying that it makes no difference

I knew that marrying someone with such a strong sense of financial responsibility would be beneficial to me in the long run. There is a popular saying that “it takes two to tango” and I believe that to be true when it comes to managing your finances.

Having a partner who is frugal and understands the importance of saving money will help you in the long run.

My wife’s frugality has rubbed off on me. I have become more conscious of my spending habits and I now understand the importance of budgeting and saving for the future. I also feel more secure knowing that I have someone who can help me make smart financial decisions.

At the end of the day, I married my wife because she said “eat $5 also full eat restaurant $50 also full”. Not only was this an incredibly funny line, but it also showed me that she was not only frugal, but she also had a great sense of humor. Her frugality has been a great asset to our marriage and it has helped us to stay financially secure during tough times. Her values have allowed us to have a strong financial foundation and I am truly grateful for that.

In the realms of love and intimacy, a young man’s journey from bachelorhood to a blossoming relationship can bring unexpected challenges. Imagine finally breaking free from the shackles of singlehood only to find oneself struggling in the bedroom. This peculiar issue, as shared by Dr. Chen Yu-Hsin, highlights a surprising connection between solo pleasure and sexual performance.

The Case of the Tech-Savvy Bachelor

Dr. Chen encountered a 30-year-old tech professional who, after three years of singlehood, embarked on a romantic journey with a newfound love. However, his ambitious spirit took a hit when he found himself unable to perform confidently in intimate moments. Dr. Chen noted instances where the gentleman couldn’t maintain an erection or experienced a sudden loss of firmness, reminiscent of his inexperienced days as a virgin.

The Role of Solo Pleasure in a Single Man’s Life

Dr. Chen delves into the potential impact of solo pleasure on a man’s sexual prowess. It’s not uncommon for long-term singles to seek solace in self-pleasure during lonely and cold nights. While moderate self-gratification can contribute to maintaining erectile function, excessive indulgence might lead to unforeseen consequences.

The Pitfalls of Excessive Solo Pleasure

4.1 Overstimulation of Genital Organs

Individual preferences and the intensity of self-pleasure habits, coupled with the visual stimulation from adult content, can create a desensitization effect. This may result in a perceived lack of excitement during actual sexual encounters.

4.2 Unrealistic Expectations in Sexual Activities

Long periods of abstinence can lead to heightened expectations and performance anxiety. Excessive fantasizing about how to maintain a strong and enduring erection may backfire, causing distractions during intimacy and, ironically, contributing to erectile difficulties.

Advice from the Expert: Dr. Chen Yu-Hsin

5.1 Moderation is Key

Dr. Chen advises moderation in solo pleasure to strike a balance between satisfaction and maintaining optimal sexual function. It’s crucial to recognize when self-gratification turns into a potential obstacle in the pursuit of a healthy and fulfilling intimate relationship.

5.2 Alternative Stress Relief Strategies

For those looking to redirect their energy, Dr. Chen recommends exploring alternative stress relief methods such as regular exercise or outdoor activities. Diversifying stress coping mechanisms can positively impact overall well-being and intimate performance.

Taking Control of Solo Pleasure Frequency

Acknowledging the importance of self-control, Dr. Chen suggests that even the most eligible bachelors should manage the frequency of solo pleasure. Redirecting surplus energy towards constructive activities helps prevent future encounters with a partner from being compromised by self-doubt.

Avoiding the Confidence Spiral

Dr. Chen emphasizes the importance of breaking the confidence-damaging cycle that may arise from performance issues. It’s essential for individuals to approach intimacy with a positive mindset and to address any concerns promptly.

When Solo Pleasure Becomes a Health Risk

8.1 Potential Injuries and Risks

Apart from affecting sexual performance, excessive self-pleasure can pose physical risks, including genital injuries, friction-related skin damage, and the risk of ligament strain.

8.2 Seeking Professional Help

In cases where performance issues persist, seeking professional advice is paramount. Dr. Chen urges individuals not to resort to self-prescribed medications but to consult with a healthcare professional for tailored solutions.

Conclusion

Navigating the delicate balance between solo pleasure and optimal sexual performance requires awareness and moderation. Dr. Chen’s insights serve as a reminder that self-gratification, while natural, should be approached with caution to ensure a satisfying and healthy intimate life.

FAQs

1. Is solo pleasure harmful in moderation?Moderate self-pleasure is generally considered normal and can contribute positively to sexual health. However, excessiveness may lead to complications.
2. How can one break the cycle of performance anxiety?Addressing performance anxiety involves fostering a positive mindset, open communication with partners, and seeking professional guidance if necessary.
3. Can solo pleasure cause long-term damage?Excessive solo pleasure may lead to physical injuries, so it’s crucial to exercise moderation and seek medical advice if problems persist.
4. What are alternative stress relief methods recommended by Dr. Chen?Dr. Chen suggests incorporating activities like regular exercise or outdoor pursuits to diversify stress relief strategies.
5. When should one seek professional help for intimacy issues?Persistent intimacy issues should prompt individuals to consult with healthcare professionals to identify underlying causes and receive appropriate guidance.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be rich. My father passed away when I was in secondary school because of a rare but curable cancer, and if we had $250,000 when he was diagnosed, he probably would not have died. He worked in construction and my mom worked at a nail salon. I have 3 siblings and we all lived in a one-bedder. I know a lot of people will disagree with me vehemently, but poverty is no fun.

I am now one year out of medical school and my goal is to give my family a better life.

Believe me when I say I understand fully that money will be less than useless in death. To me, making money has never been about what I can spend it on. Money will enable me to be a safety net for my loved ones.

Buying unnecessary things, traveling, paying over the top for a meal, I have never quite understood the appeal of such things. Not that I ever could afford them in the first place.

My best friend with whom I went to Hwa Chong grew up not too far from where Goh Chok Tong lives in Bukit Timah. He never spends more than $5 on a meal. It puzzled me in the beginning but then he revealed to me that he’s not being intentionally frugal he just found it difficult to justify how a $20 plate of chicken rice is 4x better than one he can get for $5. Today he is a Ivy League graduate who is in line to take over his father’s business, but he is still the same guy who wears washed out t shirts, takes the bus, and eats $3 cai fan whenever we do meet.

When I was in medical school, I met friends from upper-middle class families who were as frugal as I am. It was only surprising how common they are, people whose parents are specialists, lawyers, businessmen who are more humble than a blade of grass.

I’m not saying it’s wrong to live your life to the fullest. How anyone wants to live their life should be their prerogative. But I think if you want to mitigate the regret you will feel if you died prematurely by ignoring the fact that the vast majority of us will probably live as long as the life expectancy seems to suggest (84 years), then I think it would be a mistake not to make preparations for those ages that you will no longer be productive.

Lastly I just want to say this, seeing the world can be a great experience, but the same critique that you can’t bring money to the grave can also be said about your memories. You bring nothing away because you simply cease to exist. People who obsess over money aren’t all shallow and materialistic. Some of us need it to pay for a better life for the people we care about.

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So I just started working in a new job this week. Today was my 3rd day at work, and my manager asked me to create a slide deck to summarise a research paper.

So I worked on it and at 1pm i gave her update saying that I will submit the deck either today or early the next day. She said she needs it by today, so I said ok. At 3pm she asked me when I can have the slides ready, I told her by 6pm, and she asked me why it takes so long. I was confused since I interpreted “by today” as end of day. Then she told me that if she didn’t give me a deadline, I should just ask for it. I informed her that I did try to align the deadline with her, but she responded by saying that she needs time to review my slides. And she even went on to say that while I need to ramp up on knowledge, she wants me to start contributing asap.

Firstly, is it wrong of me to interpret her initial deadline as end of day? If she didn’t give me a specific time to submit the slides to her, am I supposed to read her mind? Was I wrong in this case?

Secondly, it’s my 3rd day on the job. The research paper was new to me and I don’t want to produce a copy-paste job just to submit it. I had to digest the source material first, and at least give a thoughtful summary no?

This issue has bothered me quite a bit. Her tone was not friendly during the exchange (completely over Teams chat as I was WFH). Should I clarify or clear the air with her when we next meet in office? My first impression of her is that she won’t take any feedback well. Or should I just live with it, and potentially she will do something else I deem unreasonable in the future.

What should I do to continue working with her?

Here are what netizens think:

• Not a great manager, 3rd day and expect u to contribute either your role has no learning curve (means u are replaceable anytime) or to her this is really a simple task (meaning she can complete within 1-2 hrs herself). Talk to her and clarify, if she is still unfriendly, prepare to quit. Never quarrel with your RO, just exit.

• my wise friend once said, “when boss wants something when is the deadline? it’s yesterday!” when she said today, it means she must reviewed it , send you any comments to change and review it again. the process might go a few rounds. perhaps you can ask her for a private conversation of 5 mins over coffee or starbucks. let her know you are sorry and how can you improve and any area she can assist to bring you up to speed. don’t make it all about how she made you feel. you are an employee not her bf/gf/bff/bestie. if she realised she went too far, she apologise if not then move on or put it behind

• If it means today, means today. U shouldnt be focus on the output but on the timeline. Do what u can by the end of today and jus submit. This is corporate world, not school where u need to be graded. Jus think, when u order from a restaurant, they serve u in 10 mins right. Cannot be if u wan a particular vege that needs 2 weeks to import and they arrange it for u.

• by today means, instantaneously

After meeting people from various walks of life, I have come to realise the distinction between contented and secure individuals versus those who are not. Often, the former is a significant factor contributing to a person’s success in life as well. Many have heard of the term “mindset” and how it shapes an individual, but it’s essential to recognise that one’s mindset reflects their lens on the world.

Have you ever been quick to judge someone or overly critical of them? Perhaps the individual in question is ten or twenty years younger than you and appears to possess material items that you couldn’t have attained ten or twenty years ago. As a result, you might be quick to assume that the person received a gift from someone or that it’s their parents’ money, and you treat them based on your perspective, which stems from a sense of scarcity. However, someone who could easily acquire similar material possessions might not perceive them in the same way, as they share a similar position in life. This is because they view the world through a different lens- “half cup full”.

My point is that when you approach life with a perspective of “been there, done that” or “I can do it, I have it,” you’ll find yourself resonating with like-minded individuals. Conversely, when you view the world with a “half-cup empty” lens, you’ll constantly find issues with people or things around you. This perspective can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy because when your brain consistently sees things in a certain way, your thoughts can shape your actions, leading you to attract and surround yourself with similar-minded individuals.

So, the next time you’re tempted to pass judgment or be overly critical, take a moment to consider your perspective. Allow space and time for the benefit of the doubt.

This is more of a ramble, but it reflects my personal thoughts based on encounters with many such people. I hope this topic sparks some reflection and contributes to making the world a better place. Thank you.

My girlfriend and I had been together for four years when I finally decided to give her an ultimatum. I told her that I wanted her to stop listening to her friend who seemed to be constantly sabotaging our relationship. I know this sounds sexist, but it is a scientific fact that women always sabotage each other’s relationships through thoughtless gossip.

I had noticed for a while that my girlfriend had been receiving a lot of advice from her friend on how to act in our relationship. She had been trying to make her own decisions, but her friend was constantly pushing her towards certain actions, opinions, and decisions that she wouldn’t have normally made. This was having a negative effect on our relationship, and I was starting to feel that our trust and communication were being undermined.

I finally decided to address the issue directly with my girlfriend. I told her that I wanted her to stop listening to her friend who seemed to be constantly sabotaging our relationship. I explained to her that I felt her friend was trying to manipulate her, and that she should trust her own judgement and decision-making instead.

At first, my girlfriend was really upset and defensive about my ultimatum. She said that her friend had been her friend for much longer than we had been together, and that she had always been there for her. She said that she trusted her friend’s opinion and that her advice had always been helpful.

But I was firm in my ultimatum and I explained to her that I wanted her to think about the impact her friend was having on our relationship. I told her that while her friend’s advice may have been helpful in the past, it was now hurting our relationship and making it difficult for us to communicate and trust each other.

My girlfriend eventually realized that I was right and that her friend was actually sabotaging our relationship. She apologized for not seeing this sooner and agreed to my ultimatum. She also agreed to talk to her friend and explain to her why she was no longer going to be taking her advice.

In the end, my ultimatum was successful and our relationship has improved drastically since then. We are now closer than ever and more trusting of each other. I’m glad I was able to see the situation for what it was and take action to fix it.

My ultimatum to my girlfriend to stop listening to her friend who was sabotaging our relationship was not an easy decision, but it was the right one. It was necessary for us to move forward and build a healthier relationship. It’s true that women often sabotage each other’s relationships through thoughtless gossip, but it’s important to remember that it’s not always the case. In this situation, my girlfriend’s friend was actually having a negative effect on our relationship, and I’m glad I took action to address the issue.