This is not the stereotypical, trivial “I slightly overstate my size.”
I have a small genital. Throughout my life I have methodically and meticulously made comments when socially acceptable regarding it that have led all my friends to genuinely believe I am big down there.
The lie started in school during PE when we were changing in the toilet. I didn’t want to stand out or be embarrassed in any way, so, like many of us did around the same age, I switched from wearing briefs to boxers. Boxers do a great job of obscuring the underlying profile, preventing anyone from discerning my size if they chose to look. Now, as a kid still growing, the lie was hopeful; Hopeful that it would become larger. That the lie, eventually, would become truth. However, while I did obviously grow some more, it always remained on the smaller side.
As I grew older, my insecurities shifted away from your standard manhood insecurities and shifted toward my facial issues. I have a recessed jaw that creates an objectively unattractive face as well as actual medical issues. When you realize you’re facially unattractive, which creates substantial difficulty for finding romantic relationships or hookups, your size down there drops waaaaay low down on your insecurity priority list.
However, despite all that, I still maintained (and cared about maintaining) my lie. Then, when with guy friends, would drop some classic, but subdued, huge genital problem. For example something about not liking skinny jeans because they don’t have enough room, you get the idea.
By far the most egregious example of where my lie snowballed out of control would be my freshman year of college with my dorm mates.
Three of us were chilling in my dorm room late one night, completely sober, and idk how we got there (I didn’t bring it up) but we were on the topic of our size. I think the conversation was touching yourself in the bathroom and using your phone, to then comparing your length to your phone. They both roughly estimated that their shaft was about the length of their phone (so pretty normal).
Then when they asked me, I first, very nonchalantly, responded, “my shaft’s a little longer than my phone”. “But bro, I don’t know about you guys, but I hate how shallow the toilet in our suite bathroom is because when I poop, my genital touches the bowl and it’s disgusting.” That line had them shocked, they’re like “bro what? that’s damn long.” I then went on and said, “well, if completely soft it’s fine, but if I’m like a half chub, then I’ve gotta hold it up a little to keep it from touching.”
Eventually, the other suitemates (there were 9 of us total) would hear of my size. Not gonna lie, I know I shouldn’t be proud of my ability to lie so convincingly, but I was impressed that everyone so easily believed me. It’s like an art: humble-bragging but with a certain tone of voice and word choice so as to sound like you’re just unaware that you’re significantly bigger than average. An example of how much they believed my “innocently unaware” perspective: when they asked what’s my girth, I said, “I don’t know that’s hard to measure but probably average.” They were like, “ok, but what you consider average might not be what we consider average.”
After they all knew, which to be honest was fun af. It felt great to be lauded for my size. However, not all parts of the lie were as enjoyable. Some of my suitemates were pretty successful with the ladies. While I’m just trying to keep up with the lie and not get exposed by being in bed with a girl.
So now I’m sitting here typing all this out because I need to admit to my lie. I don’t think I should bottle this up anymore for fear of embarrassment.
