Haven’t slept with my wife for 2.5 years and I feel like I’m in a prison and am rotting from the inside

We saved ourselves for marriage, didn’t really grow up in purity culture, or at least feel any shame or pressure. The night of our wedding was met with tears and fear. I admittedly didn’t react well. Trying to understand if I did something, or if there was something she wasn’t telling me.

The next 6 months was me highlighting the fact that we NEEDED to figure this out, not only for me, but because we can’t make it normal. She didn’t understand why I wanted this so bad and was confident we’d figure this out.

2 years from that point, we’re still here. 3 different counselors/therapists, 1 year of pelvic therapy, lots of honest talks with friends and still no penetration. At all.

Vibrator is fine, but we’ve made no progress. She is unable to get her legs to relax and if I try to force it, it feels like rape. I can’t stay aroused because she’s resisting me, despite her telling me every day that this is something she wants.

I just don’t understand what I’m supposed to do. She doesn’t want me to watch adult videos, but I can’t get by with hand jobs that I only get if I ask for them.

I can’t leave because I vowed to work through our problems, I can’t stay because I want to actually have a chance at a family.

I want someone who is passionate about me and actually does something about it. Every marriage in my family has ended, every single one has ended in divorce and I am better than that. But I just don’t see how I’m supposed to live in limbo like this.

I often fantasize about me or her dying because it’s the only way I see out of this.

Just some word vomit. Thanks.

Is it a big deal to have served as an officer during NS?

My friend told me of his interesting interview experience tt day. He served as an infantry officer during NS and listed it in his resume. His interviewers were apparently impressed tt he was an officer and 1/2 of the interview was talking about his officer experiences. The job is not related to the military and is not a leadership position.

I wanna ask from your daily experiences, do people rlly show ‘respect’ or are impressed by someone who was an officer during NS?

Netizen’ comments

1. Reality is that if you go into a MNC and work with expat teams and colleagues, nobody is going to care if you were an officer.
   But if you happen to work for Singaporean boss who also siao-on NS and was an officer then there is the chance that being in OCS will reflect well on you lor.
   It’s the same bias that elitist school alumni have when they see someone else from their same elitist school. “Oh you also ACSI one ah? I was an old boy Best Is Yet To Be HOOYA something something.”
   For the record, I was an officer in NS but have never once included this in my resume because I got better things to include lol. Only mentioned if interviewer (usually Singaporean males) asks what I did in NS.
2. The best kind of officers are those that you didn’t know they are an officer till you asked them first.
3. Yes if:
   – Your hiring manager is expat foreigner and holds military service in higher regard than other Singaporeans. (Americans xdd)
   – If you’re fresh out of university with no other notable work experiences, your NS experience can be part of your resume
   – Applying for a civil service job.
4. It’s not a big deal if you’ve been in the workforce for 5 years and still put NS in your resume because you have nothing else to put there.

I wish I was attractive to men other than my husband

I got married to my husband at 19, he was my first ever boyfriend. We’ve now been married almost 8 years and we have 4 children together.

I’m finding myself feeling utterly unattractive and self conscious… I really wish that other men found me attractive even though I don’t want to cheat, I wouldn’t cheat, but it just feels really bad to feel unattractive.

I wish men would flirt with me. I feel like I really wasted my prime by getting married and having kids so young…

And especially now that I’ve lost a lot of weight and I’m finally… Not fat… I just wish somebody appreciated it. I wish I felt appealing.

I just feel like I’ll always be unattractive and gross even though I’m still relatively young.

Netizens’ comments

• Sounds like a case of FOBO to me. This is generally how cheating starts. You should talk to your husband.

• That’s a slippery slope you’re trying to go down, tread cautiously.

My life is miserable being surrounded by “successful” friends.

We are group of 4, close since schooling days. I was the smartest, did the best in school. The other 3 often hanged around in my place, then I came up with games and activities for us to have fun. I could feel their admiration to me, and I also treated them well. We were happy brothers.

10 years passed, things change. I work at Meta now, take home more than 15k/month. High income, good reputation company, by normal standard, that is considered quite successful. But it was nothing as compared to the other 3.

1st guy was not smart enough and failed uni. He opened an online store with his parent’s money. The store turned out to be successful, now is one of the most popular brand in SG and some SEA countries.

2nd guy got to the same major with me. We graduated together, but unlike me, he failed the interviews at all big companies like Google Facebook, and had to go for Shopee.

Guess what? Their stock skyrocketed. The companies grew so fast that he soon became a manager and a millionaire.

3rd guy, slacking around and barely made it to finish uni. He then married his girlfriend, whose father happens to own a really big company. He was admitted to that company, got promoted real fast and is now at high management level.

And me? Just a loser, trying to climb the corporate ladder, little by little, in a company that is sinking.

I felt really unfair and bitter, to see people that is below my level, but now at a better position, because of luck.

After becoming big, they suddenly became very active in social media, sharing their successful story and how hard work brought them there.

What a joke. I laughed, and cried inside. Our gathering is now a place for them to brag about their next projects, their big plans, promotions, etc., and I could no longer join that circle.

I had the talents, studied hard, worked hard, but now had to suffer this humiliated life. For once I even thought about ending their lives and mine as well, so we could reset, and I could do better in the next.

A man shared an embarrassing story of his friend that he described as “something very far from intelligent”.

Here is the story:

I went for a massage with my friend and we assumed that it was a normal clean massage until the masseurs started to get naughty.

I politely rejected it, my friend who is in the other room decided to pay for the extra services.

After we exit the massage parlour, he told me that he took her Wechat contact so he can know when she work and return if he is feeling “tired”. I did not think much of it as I know EXACTLY what kind of person he is.

One month went by and I met him again for dinner and he started to tell me how he has fallen in love with the masseurs after that “short romance” session.

I told him that he is crazy and that what he felt is not love. He told me that he borrowed the masseur $1,200 as her mother in Vietnam is sick and requires money for medications.

I slap myself on the forehead after hearing it as I know exactly what had happened and kept quiet.

A few days later, he called me while crying saying that the girl is gone and no longer working there.

Here are what netizens think:

• a typical guy who thinks with the wrong head

• Another one bites the dust, welcome to the world.

• Maybe he really feels affectionate towards the massage lady and took a leap of faith. Lucky only $1,200 not $120,000.
• The massage macham milking the cow sia. or literally. LOL

I don’t want my son anymore

I know that’s supposed to be wrong, but I just don’t want him. His dad started cheating on me right before I gave birth.

I didn’t find out until our kid turned 3.

I was stupid and financially supported a broke man for a decade. I was convinced that my anxiety was just making me extra paranoid. I took several meds trying to make the feeling go away.

Last year was when I confirmed my husband was cheating on me. A couple months ago was when I found out about the STD he gave me (was an STD docs don’t normally test for).

Last week, I found out he started cheating on me while I was pregnant and continued to until I caught him.

I can’t even look at our son. Every time I look at our kid, I just see their father. The feeling of hate and resentment overtakes me. And I feel so horrible about it.

Netizens’ comments

• Can you stay with your parents or relatives for a while? Stay with the son, but let a loving relative help you and the kid while you recover.

• As a child from a mom who did not want him, please seek help for this issue, you have no idea what this does to a child long term.

Am I exaggerating for thinking this guy was rude/creepy?

So one of my best friends introduced me (24 F) to a guy he considered really nice. My friend told me that this guy was very smart, hard-working, sentimental, romantic and that he was basically a “lovable nerd type”. Most of the guys I end up dating are like that because they are really charming and treat me with kindness and I can see why my friend thought it would work. I had only seen this guy one time and he actually asked my friend for my phone number.

Fast forward, last week I finally went on a date with the guy, and to say the least, it wasn’t what I expected. When he first saw me he told me that he knew a lot of people like me (context: I have pink hair) and that “you are always trying to get people’s attention, like, yeah I see you, calm down”.

Then he went on to make fun of the amethyst quartz I’m always wearing calling it “superficial, superstitious”. In this same spirit he started talking about how good/accurate the 16 personalities test was, I thought we were onto something more light-hearted so I responded with something along the lines of “yeah, just like my horoscope” which I think made him incredibly mad, because he started telling me how stupid those things were, and that for an atheist I was too spiritual, and that he doesn’t waste his time on such “superficial things”.

I don’t know why, but I mentioned that I had a Pinterest board about my dream wedding and that I already had my dress, hair, deco… and of course he had to say something crappy: “why are females always so interested in weddings? I really don’t get it”.

In between those awkward moments, we actually had interesting conversations. He asked me what kind of music did I listen to, and naturally, I answered that I loved Taylor Swift. Then he made this face as if he was going to throw up and I asked him why was he making that face, he just told me that Taylor’s music was too frivolous for him, and that he only listened to artist that actually know how to write good lyrics.

So after making fun of the things I liked, my hair, my dream wedding, my favorite things and other stuff I don’t have enough space nor the time to write, he started to talk about his ex and how he didn’t understand why she left and it almost brought him to tears so I just asked him if he had broken a heart and he told me “no, I couldn’t, I’m too much of an empath to do that, I’m just too sensitive”.

See, I’m very open. if you have kinks, experiences, preferences… I don’t care as long as it’s consensual; however, I find it weird to bring this stuff up with someone you’ve been talking to for less than three hours, because he started telling me stories about explicit things he had done, and how it smelled and tasted like, and about that time he was running without anything on, at the beach. Keep in mind I didn’t bring this up, and I never shared anything of this nature about me. Again, no kink shame here, but I expect those conversations with close friends, not with a stranger.

What creeped me out about this guy is that he described himself as very idealistic, sensitive, empathetic, romantic… when in my experience it couldn’t be further from the truth. A person like that doesn’t make fun of other people’s beliefs, hobbies, likes, professions… a person like that doesn’t brag about that time they kicked a boy in school until he started crying, a person like that doesn’t talk badly about others, a person like that doesn’t bring up unsolicited intimate stuff… It creeped me out because I cannot understand how did he come to the conclusion he was like that because those are two different people.

I ask if I’m exaggerating because maybe that’s just his sense of humour, or because my friend told me that he had introduced him to other female friends of his and that everyone thought he was nice, or maybe it’s just my internalized feeling of “you take everything too seriously” and that if I had been so uncomfortable I would have walked out before, which I feel guilty for. Nonetheless, my female friends told me that I’m the right and that if my gut feeling tells me something is wrong, something IS wrong.

I told the friend that introduced me to this guy what had happened a grosso modo and he was baffled because this guy was actually very nice to him and to other female friends he had introduced him to before… but told me that he’s really sorry and that he was going to put some distance with that guy. My friend even told me that this guy told him how good of a time he had with me.

Anyway, have you ever been with people like this? I’m really sorry for the rant.