Did I offend my in-laws by declining my in laws gift of a down payment on a new house?

I’m awake at 4am and can’t sleep because of this situation so I thought I would bring it here. My husband’s parents moved down to our area a few years ago because they can be closer to his grandparents who also moved down there. We visit every few months and everything has been fine.

I’m 7 months pregnant with our first child a girl. Ever since we told his parents they have been making comments when we talk to them about the distance and not seeing their grandbaby much I just ignore them because it was their choice to move so nothing I can do about that.

Last week his mom asked to FaceTime with us because she has something exciting to tell us. A 5 room in their neighbourhood is up for sale. His parents said as a Christmas gift this year they are giving us the money for the down payment so we can in his mom’s words “ move out of our horrible little apartment.”

We both didn’t know what to say we have never had any plans to move or never implied it was something we would ever consider.

We told her on the call thanks and we appreciate the offer but we have no intentions on moving and love it here even in our tiny apartment.

She hung up and it has become a thing. She is blasting us on Facebook for being ungrateful and raising our daughter in a horrible place. ( it’s not)

All her friends are backing her up in the comments about how I’ll be a terrible mother and she is offering us a house and home for our baby. She thinks that because her offer is so generous we are AH to decline.

All this is making me feel guilty as hell. My husband says to ignore her but this is stressing my out and here I am at 4am stressing and feeling like a bad mother before my daughter is even born.

So my boyfriend and I have been dating since April this yr and it’s gonna be 6 months soon . The issue comes in after I found out that he was cheating .

So some back story on that he thought that I was cheating with a friend of mine at the beginning of the relationship but I’ve since cut that friend off. And how I know I am not in the wrong there is that I have spoken to other ppl and gotten unbiased opinions on it and I’ve been told I’m not wrong and it was a misunderstanding.

So back to the issue at hand, after he cheated he blamed it on me and said that if only he had seen proof that I hadn’t done anything wrong then non of it would have happened and then it went on that I’m too clingy and I overthink way to much and I need to trust him again but here is the thing . He says these things to me all the time and he has even blocked me a few times .

Last week I was so frustrated that I literally yelled like screamed my guts out at him over the phone and that’s normal for me . He kept telling me I was wrong and I kept screaming and the reason I was so upset is really stupid . I’d like to make it clear that I’m not demanding of him , just his time and attention but that’s all .

That day he got upset with me because I was on a call with my bestfriend since she was crying and I told him to give me a few min and I would be with him . I only took 10 minutes. He got so mad at me that he went on to game for 2 hrs and ignore me which is why I screamed my head off . When he has my attention I need to relax when I find something to do he gets upset so I was extremely frustrated coz I felt like no matter what I did I wouldn’t be enough.

Today he told me that he isn’t gonna be talking to me because he wants to play games and he was serious when he said it . You may wonder how I know this , well its because he has alredy got his twitch set up just for this and while I have no problems I would like him to talk to me and make some time for me instead of just expecting me to sit around all day waiting for him. I don’t feel like I was able to explain myself properly and before any of u ask I have tried gaming and I have tried to play with him I just am not good at it but I have been practicing. Maybe I am not being appreciative but I just feel like what I put in is what I should get back . Instead I’m just met with how I’m not good enough even tho I feel like I have done a lot . So reddit please don’t be to harsh on me since it’s my first time and also do explain to me where I went wrong.

Am I wrong for not appreciating my boyfriend?

Guy refuse to meet me irl but texts me everyday.

I’m F (25) and I met M (25) on tinder prior to covid in early Jan 2020 and we’ve been texting on snapchat for a while. Of course we sent naughty photos and videos. But we also have friendly normal texts here and there.

A few months after that I got into a serious relationship and I stopped talking to M for a while. But then after awhile we started texting on tele regularly until I cut him off cold turkey because I felt like I don’t wanna betray my bf. M knew that I have a bf but he kept talking to me. I just stopped.

when my relationship with my bf ended, M started texting me again and I felt so vulnerable and I needed someone to talk to so I texted him back.

We started off casual but then things got flirty. Nowadays we text almost daily but I will try to text him less and keep things platonic.

I have never met M but I feel like we have chemistry. But M is also reluctant to meet me irl due to his own reasons. I’ve suggested to meet a few times but he is always reluctant and give excuses.

I feel like he is stringing me along for the explicit photos and jack off material. He still texts me daily, asking about my day, sharing his day and stuff. I’ve asked before on his intentions and he said we are friends but I’m conflicted but I would like to know what y’all think

1. is he into me or just here for the jack off material?
2. should I maintain this or cut him off?
3. Am I just stupid?
   *oh ya also he is very reluctant to share details of himself like his phone number and stuff. Kinda sus. Am I just a simp ????

Am I toxic if I know that my close friends and friends are lying to me and I don’t call them out about it? While I act all clueless about them lying.

I realize that the people who I hold dear, the friends which I considered super close friends that I would even suffer for them willingly.

They all do not consider me the same. While they do say stuff like ” Thanks, I owe you, if you ever need something, I will be there for you” but slowly I realize these are all empty words and promises. 

Yet at times, I feel as though they and I are indeed close friends. But at this point, I can’t really remember how it felt anymore.

Also, do I need some sort of mental help if I get upset when someone breaks a promise to me however small it is? (I don’t say it to anyone of them but it just hurts me)

Like it can be a meal together that was canceled for no reason, could be just something they promised to do or get.  Or it could even be something like a work submission.

Am I mentally screwed or something?

I recently became really insecure about my looks due to some physical changes that have made me feel a lot uglier. Suddenly a coworker twice my age wanted “to try something” and put his hands around my waist. I first thought he was making a joke because I couldn’t imagine how he could even think there was an attraction on my side.

But he was serious. This always seems to happen. Whenever I feel bad about myself creepy guys come up to me, either talking stuff that would make anyone uncomfortable or getting touchy-feely. However, whenever I’ve felt good about myself, it’s was mostly genuinely nice guys who approach me.

Did anyone else notice the same? Is it because they think insecure women are an easy target? Or that “ugly” women would take them because they wouldn’t have a chance with anyone else?

(To make it clear: I’m not talking about the looks of the guys. I’m not complaining about getting approached by “ugly” guys. I’m complaining about guys that don’t respect boundaries.)

Here are what netizens think:

Alot of guys they no confident, they see pretty girl they diam diam

ya loh, I know what you mean. Then the girl who is not so confident becomes a tool for the guy to jeer on.

Get a life, what can you do about it?

Long story short I’m a MTF trans woman.

I’ve spent my whole life trying to make everyone happy and being miserable for it.

I’m a very quiet person at heart. Whenever I voice my opinion I usually do so once. As concisely and quickly and coherently as possible and if someone talks over me they usually can run over me pretty quickly in conversation.

I have decades of lost ability to stand up for myself and I just remembered last night these continual recursive thoughts that would play in the back of my mind when I was a child and into my late teen years before depression really fully started consuming me: “I hope I can live soon… I’m sure everyone appreciates me putting off living. Don’t want to inconvenience anyone. I’m sure eventually people will let me if I just make them happy enough.”

Who were these thoughts directed at in particular? Society. I had learned at a young age to follow all the rules of society as well as I could. I didn’t want to hurt anyone and even though they made me uncomfortable and unhappy I learned well how to put on a smile and cheer everyone up in spite of a crushing feeling of emptiness inside.

I had never learned or had been taught consent. I never had been taught to say “NO” when I was not okay. I knew I could say no to very specific things but at the same time if it made someone upset by me saying no, I knew that really I should change the answer to fit whatever the situation called for me responding in turn.

I had absolutely no ability to tell people what I wanted. Just reflect their needs.

I started transitioning in March of 2021. That was when it all finally clicked in my mind. That was when I started finally realizing I could tell society ‘no’. That I could express myself. It was such a relief. It took a while though, even after that to actually realize and learn, I still hadn’t actually learned how to apply saying no at work, or in a lot of my personal life. I had to actively remind myself that I matter and that my decisions are important. It isn’t just about everyone else. I’m part of humanity.

A year later I can say that I have finally learned to say no to people. That I know how to consent to things and not just blindly accept anything put in front of me. Finally. I’m figuring this out.

I feel awfully behind in life though… almost three decades of saying yes to anything. Not having any ability to consent really. It’s really easy to invalidate myself still, to tell myself negative things just because someone rude said something mean to me. I wish I had a lot more years of actually being myself.

I wouldn’t wish anyone the inability to say no or not be able to choose consent.
It’s an absolute nightmare.
Thanks for listening to my story.

Hi guys, please help an insecure girl out

Is it normal for a guy to go for days without texting their partner and not celebrating valentine’s day nor anniversaries (not even mentioning it through text)?

For context, I’ve been with my partner for a year and this is my first relationship. Being a total noob, I tried my best to show my appreciation for him with either notes or small gifts but I’m met with kinda lukewarm responses.

The fact that we have to keep our relationship low-profile due to circumstances doesn’t really help my insecurity too.

I’ve tried telling him that I need more reassurance and security but I don’t think this is something that he will/can change for me.

However, when we do go out, I feel so happy and secure. I’ve tried reasoning it out by myself, thinking about how maybe he’s just busy, not a romantic person or just has bad memory…but it doesn’t make me feel any better.

It’s scary to think about the future when the initial feelings fizzle out too. What can I do to solve this problem?

Thanks for listening to my semi-rant too

This is going to be a bit on the long side, so I apologize ahead of time. Im 42, my mother is 64 has always been manipulative, and mentally abusive toward me. This unfortunately extended to my daughter/

About 12 years ago, she yet again found herself fairly much homeless (after she got cheated by some guy). My husband and I took her in and had her stay with us. My daughter (known as A) was 3 or 4 at the time. The ground rules for her were, this is our house and we will raise our daughter as we see fit.

My husband and I are atheists. My mother is a Christian. We told her we’d support her in going to the church of her choosing and even help her find one where she felt at home. However, we told her that she could not take our daughter to church or teach her that Christianity was the only way. We wanted to introduce our daughter to religion as this is what some people believe and this is what her dad and I believe. We wanted her to make up her own mind about this.

The rules were followed fairly well for the most part for a little bit. Until we went to get our taxes done one afternoon. We came back to a very upset kid. I took her for a drive to Mcdonald’s and asked what happened. A said that my mother had told her that we were going to go to hell because we don’t believe in god and that if she didn’t pray now that God would let her go to hell too. She then proceeded to teach my daughter to pray.

This is where I drew the line. I could take my mother trying to manipulate me all the live long day. I could take her abuse and it didn’t matter because she’s my mother and that’s just what I did for my whole life. When she did this to an impressionable child, my baby, that is where I drew the line.

I promptly kicked her out of my house and told her I would never talk to her again.

Just recently, I heard through my brother (who I have also not spoken to because he took her side and said I was the unfillial) messaged me through Facebook and said she wasn’t doing well and was expected to not make it for much longer. She apparently has congestive heart failure or something. Then last night I got a message from her on Facebook.

This is her redacted message:

I still truly love & miss you and A! Please, please, please allow me in your lives again? I realize how much I must have hurt you, can you find it in your heart to forgive me before I die? My new phone number is XXX-XXX-XXXX. Will you be as kind to call me?? I truly want you guys in my life!!!

I want to ignore but my brother and mothers side of the family is telling me I am an A-hole.

What should I do?

I’ve been with my husband for 10 years, his son was 3 when I met him. He’s grown up around me, and he now lives with us full-time because his mother mistreats him.

Last night: I’m a 35 year old, overweight woman. I wear high-waisted long bike shorts and sports bras to bed, and it was our two year old’s bedtime when I was getting out of the shower.

Since I usually head to bed after the baby goes down, I came out in my sleepwear to pick the baby up and put him to bed.

My stepson and husband were chilling and my stepson, 13, asked if I was gonna do yoga. I’m literally more covered than if I wear a swimsuit, but my husband said this morning that I need to cover up around our son if he’s making comments.

I kind of bristled at the idea for a couple of reasons, one: I’m his stepmom, but I can’t wear the same clothes around him that I wear around the other kids and my husband in the house?

Two: it feels a bit like victim blaming when women are always told to cover up their bodies to “reduce distraction/temptation” for young men.

I do understand where he’s coming from. Our kid is 13 and hormonal, but I feel like if you make it inappropriate then that’s the real issue.

I don’t know, I’m probably overthinking this.

Netizen’s comments

The way you describe your outfit, it’s hardly inappropriate. The comment from your stepson wasn’t inappropriate either. I’d say your husband needs to get his mind out of the gutter.