My boyfriend is freeloading at my place and I don’t know what to do

Hi, need some advice here.

My bf and i have been in a relationship for over 3 years now. During the initial years, he will bring me out to eat for dates, movies etc.

Just about a year ago, when my mother passed away, I ended up living on my own.

So since then, everyday he would come over for dinner and weekends for dinner or lunch, watch TV and play games. Initially it was alright, i enjoyed the company (who wouldn’t right?)

But after awhile, it gets too much as i can’t go out without him asking me when i’ll be back, and he expects me to buy dinner back for him when i’m out and we hardly go out anymore since my place covers food and the subscriptions to movies and netflix. (I don’t mind staying home)

The problem is that he doesn’t contribute to the household expenses or bills, yet he eats all the food in kitchen and drinks in fridge. He doesn’t clean, so basically I feel like he is treating my place is like a hotel with a maid (who cooks and clean) and free flow of drinks and food.

I don’t know how to solve this problem without hurting his feelings or if he wish to come over; at very least contribute to the expenses and electricity bills.

ps, i did ask him to go back home by saying he doesn’t need to always be around, didn’t work. He took it negatively and thought i didn’t want him around.

Male colleagues who are gong tao-ed by women at work

Have a colleague which would jump at any opportunity to interact with girls, like acting helpful or ends up resorting to teasing them if they don’t respond in a flirty way.

Average looking, simp to his gf but will ping you whenever any females he deems attractive walks by. Adds female colleagues who haven’t yet joined the team and even female vendors on LinkedIn or Facebook.

Acts like he’s a bro to guys but his true allegiance is to p-sy. He’s definitely had an all boys education. Common occurrence at work?

Netizens’ comments

1. OP, gong tao means black magic, your colleague is just tiko.
   While i dont have a colleague like this, i had a uni professor whos kinda like that. Worse, it’s rumored that you’ve got to have a girl in your project group to score. And the more hiao the girl the better.
   He’s pretty infamous for it, some of the people here who took his course before would know who im referring to lol
2. It’s call Chee Hong, if you need the precise name since ancient times.
3. Value Dollar Jonny Bravo sounds more accurate tbh.
4. Not just colleague but biz partner who literally loses focus when we having meeting and chio auntie walks by. Ffs we’re half her age he also tio stun. Gf 20+, solid 8/10.
5. Yes, simps are everywhere. And so are people who are inexplicably annoyed by simps when it doesn’t concern them.
6. Had a colleague who kept asking the females to “watch their step” when we were out together. King of the white knights
   • Ngl it sounds like a threat. Tripping women to their deaths but making it look like an accident
     • you can one up him by telling them to “watch your front”. even better if can give some commands in melayu.

A netizen shared how he gives his parents 20% of his monthly salary but then his mother accuses him of kicking her aside after he told her about his financial planning.

Here is the story:

“[How much monthly allowance do you give your parents?]

I give my parents 20% of my salary (>$700) ever since I started working two years ago, and 20% of any bonuses when I get them too.

I learnt that I give the highest percentage amongst my friends, but I’m okay with that as I can afford to and somehow this 20% proportion has been ingrained in my mind since young.

Recently, my partner and I secured a BTO. Somehow, this got me to start thinking about finances seriously. I feel that I should save more for future uses such as the wedding, honeymoon, house, renovation and any emergency spending.

I’m not engaged yet, but just generally thinking about the future and making a mental note that I have to start being more financially savvy now that we have a home (yay!).

I innocently shared this with my mum but she got angry instead and started ranting that kids nowadays only care about planning for their own future and kicking their parents aside.

I clarified that I have no intention to change or withdraw the 20% of my salary that I have been providing.

She started to demand 50% of my salary.

I only wanted to save a higher proportion of the remaining amount after setting aside the monthly allowance.

However, she insisted that I have become stingy ever since getting together with my partner and that I only cared about my own future.

Honestly, I feel quite angry at her accusations as I have not once given anything lesser than 20% of whatever I have. She also commented that I could rely on my partner and need not plan to save so much, which I do not agree with.

We should aim towards being able to support ourselves regardless of whether we have someone to rely on, isn’t it?

I really don’t know what’s wrong with children planning for their future as the point of planning ahead is to avoid having to take parents’ money for our own expenses next time.

Furthermore, I am still giving the 20% without any intention to stop, and I don’t know why she’s so defensive every time I talk about my own financial planning. Sigh.

Just wanted to get this off my chest. Thank you for hearing me out.”

Editor’s note: Your mother is afraid of losing her golden rooster to another woman.

My toxic work environment is making me want to quit. I’ve 2 colleagues who are of equal and lower statuses than myself and they have been sucking up to the boss.

They enable the bosses bad habits too, like responding to requests over the weekend and after hours. It has come to the point where my boss’ instructions to the team come from them. Like what?!? He is clearly not an objective and partial leader. I fear for my performance review because us who draw the line with work-life balance and don’t believe in sucking up with suffer.

Is there anything at all I can do about it?? Even advice on how to stay sane will be appreciated.

Here are what netizens think:

• You can draw boundaries and disengage but do note it can be really challenging to fix a toxic work environment, especially if you are much lower on the hierarchy scale. Is going to drain a lot of your energy, both mentally and emotionally. I would consider looking for another job.

• dont think yr colleagues are sucking up. yr boss does not respect weekend time and they are responding according, the former should be the one drawing the line and telling yr colleagues no emails during weekends. you can ask for a team transfer or quit or if you feel yr boss can change, escalate to yr boss’s boss and see if he/she takes in the feedback (unlikely)

• Personally I have to like and respect the boss to be able to work comfortably in a place for a long time, so if it’s not suitable, I’d rather look for another place than to stay. It’s like a relationship, it has to be a suitable partner since working life takes up quite a huge chunk of our daily life and time. The negative feelings will just grow inside if you force yourself to stay and then keep feeling unhappy. There are many stressed out and angsty people around nowadays, so it’s better to find alternative options rather than let the negative feelings accumulate until you become like that too. All these subtle stuff happening internally can slowly affect the mental and physical health.

Feeling guilty

My dad has retired and i found out he has no savings. Even his cpf is left little to nothing as he made stupid decisions like buying a big house he cannot afford last time, and then just defaulting on payments for many years. We did downgrade eventually but there is still over 100k to be paid for cpf. We find that he is irresponsible and a burden now. He relies on my mom who was a housewife her whole life for daily necessities as she has some savings. We do give them an allowance (2.5k a month). that is enough for them every month, and we visit them weekly. But why do they always make me feel guilty?

For example, they asked me to go on a holiday with them. I am not financially capable now to go on holidays (im saving for my bto and have a young child), plus our relationship is not the best, so i would rather not go on holidays with them. Then they will say, last time when i am younger they go holiday with me always, now why i dont want. I already told them why. Still fall on deaf ears.

Even after i said no, they will keep sharing the holiday plans, itinerary and prices with me. They even said they will pay for me (although they themselves are in a financial rut lol). I told them they need the $ to pay for the house and if anything happens in terms of health (they don’t have hospital insurance and don’t qualify for one because they have chronic illnesses). Like a broken record i always say they need to save money for themselves. they said ok but still continue their behaviour . They don’t respect me at all i feel. I usually just ignore such messages.

Always… there is a lingering feeling of guilt on my end for rejecting them again and again (they will ask me almost daily incessantly). Sigh. How do I stop feeling guilty? It’s killing me slowly.

My siblings don’t feel guilty at all for telling them off etc. But they also don’t ask my siblings to go on holidays with them and guilt trip them….

I’m a 33 year old man who is short, fat, balding, still a virgin and the bearer of a small “down there”. It was over for me before it began.

I also work a low paying job so I’m not wealthy enough to offset any of these flaws let alone all of them combined.

It’s okay though. I’ve made my peace with it. This is who I am and what my life is. Ultimately the only thing I could change to make myself more attractive would be my weight and even then I don’t think it would help much.

It’s okay and like I said I have more of less made peace with it. I understand that life isn’t fair and that I’ll probably meet someone in time but things definitely suck right now.

Netizen’s comments

Bro, this will sound harsh, but it’s coming from a good place.

The sooner you realiza that you’re the one putting the barrier on yourself, and that you have the power to change for the better, the better your life will get.

Like hey, you’re balding, you’re short and your pee-pee is small.But those are invariables, wallowing and feeling bad about it won’t change.

You’re weight however, you 100% control that. Your attitude? In your control.

I was in a really dark place some years ago, and I let myself go overweight, my dating life wasn’t going good, I was depressed, and I felt bad about myself. I get where you’re coming from, I’ve been there

All I’m saying is that, there are things you can control. Stop feeling sorry about yourself, and you’ll be surprised by how much you can achieve.

All I’m saying is try. Try to not feel like a victime of life, try to get fit. Try to change your perspective. Try to live a life that you want to live. Try to enjoy your time in this earth.

Cause even if you fail, (which I don’t think you will), doesn’t that sound like a more enjoyable life?

You got this man, don’t give up on yourself, it’s never too late to start

A netizen shared how the small size of his manhood is ruining his life and affecting his mental health, and is causing him to lose the motivation to look for a woman.

Here is what he said

I’m a 24 year old male with a 2″ erect manhood, this has had a detrimental effect on my mental health.

I have no motivation to look for a woman that will eventually cheat on me like the last one did. It’s made me never want to try again, also I know I’ll never be able to give a girl a wild night.

I feel like my life has no meaning, some of you may read this and think it’s silly, but it’s hurting my mental state to a point where I don’t know how to live my life anymore.

Netizens’ comments

• There are 2 components to good intercourse for most women. Intimacy and “coming”. Neither requires your manhood at all. Research how to use your hands and mouth and you can leave a woman satisfied. I think a lot of people have trust issues after they are cheated on, its something you need to work to move forward, not the end of dating for you
• You have more than 2″….You have hands and a mouth. Invest in toys and things. Women LOVE these things! When you care about someone they are enough. You work with what you have and creativity.

My ex of 6 years messaged me last night

I loved him when I was in school. Asked him out, went out for 3 months. Those 3 months were outright awful.

He was emotionally closed off, never wanted to call me, never texted first, never told me he missed me.

Looking back at it, I can’t even call it dating. If I didn’t text him first, he didn’t message for weeks. I told him I loved him, and he told me to stop being a distraction in his life.

Then why say yes to going out with me?! That’s when I decided that I came first and never messaged him ever again after saying I was done.

He texted me yesterday night, after 6 whole years. He misses me, he feels the same, he didn’t have the courage to say it all this time, he wants to go out with me.

The audacity?! I don’t even know him anymore. I have had no contact with him. Why now? What makes him think he can waltz back into my life after all these years?

There’s no way I’m going back.

Netizens’ comments

• “New phone, who dis?”

• said he misses you? after 6 years have passed and you only dated for 3 months? my bs radar is screaming. this dude sounds like he’s desperately trying to get some skin.

• Don’t let this be round 2 of what happened last time. He’s not worth it

I have been with my fiance for over 5 years and got engaged lasat year and we were supposed to get married in a few months

We were in an open relationship but everything had to be approved ahead of time. He went away for a month for work and wanted to hook up with someone. I wasn’t super comfortable with it but he guilted me into agreeing. We set boundaries of what was allowed and what wasn’t and he broke all of those boundaries and lied to me about it and so I consider that cheating.

When he got back I asked him to cut contact with this person but he refused to say they are friends and I can not control who is he friends with. We agreed to close the relationship and see a therapist. Through talking to the therapist, we uncovered deeper problems and that he did what he did because he was unhappy with certain parts of our relationship. I have been working hard for the past few weeks to try to be a better partner but I also found out that he has been continuing to talk to the girl this whole time when he agreed to stop while we were in therapy. After I found out I was really upset and he agreed to cut contact but wasn’t happy about it.

We had another session with the therapist yesterday and when he told her I made him cut contact, she said that was a red flag that I made him do it. This comment is what has been bothering me the whole time. To me it was a no brainer, if he cheated on me, he needs to cut contact with that person if we want to continue the relationship. So the red flag for me was him not agreeing to it and fighting it so hard.

I feel like after everything that happened, I’m taking all the blame for not being a good partner to cause him to cheat and he is receiving more support than me. And I know I need to be better and I’ve been trying hard, while he was still talking to them behind my back. And being told that making him cut contact was a red flag really upset me and is making me question whether that was a reasonable thing to want now. I feel like I just want some support and some validation for how I feel and I have not been able to get that from anyone.

A lot of people have interpreted that the therapist’s comment about the red flag was that my partner didn’t offer to cut contact on his own. That was not what she meant. She specifically said he shouldn’t do something he doesn’t want to if he feels I am making him do it.

We have agreed to close our relationship and don’t have plans to reopen it.

He has willingly agreed to stop contact.

I have a group of friends who love to drink. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m ok with drinking if it’s for an occasion or for social settings like gatherings, chilling after a hard day at work etc.

But I do not like to get dead drunk, nor do I like the feeling of hangovers the next morning and having to spend the next day doing nothing but recover.

On the other hand, my friends are very into hard liquor and drinking till they are gone. There is also no option for me to drink less when I’m with them, as some of them will keep pouring drinks or end up ordering a lot of drinks that we can’t finish and eventually have to split them up to finish since the drinks are expensive. 

I enjoy their company, but I really do not enjoy drinking too much. When I refuse their offer for more drinks or cook up an excuse that I am not attending their drinking party, it seems as if I’m a party pooper or not making the effort to stay as friends.

I cherish all my friends but drinking is not really my thing. The good thing is that they aren’t a bad influence in other ways cos they work hard at their jobs etc, just the part about drinking that I can’t see eye to eye, though I never made it known to them. 

What would you guys do in my shoes?