Anyone else thought about how different life would be without a university cert?

At about 30, all my university friends are employees working for MNCs, with the exception of 1 working for his dad’s company and another in a startup.

Recently I met up with my secondary school friends who didn’t go to university and I realise they’re very successful too. I’m immensely happy for them. More than half of them have their own non-tech businesses which aren’t inherited from their parents. For example: f&b, renovation, recruiting, advertising, ac repair, motor workshops.

As much as I am happy that they are doing well, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t envious of them. While my uni friends and I are talking about whether to get a resale 4 or 5 room, most of my secondary school friends have outright bought condos/landed properties already.

What I realise is that my secondary school friends worked for SMEs for a couple of years to learn the trade before starting up their own business. Now, if I were to try to replicate this, I’d need to start a petrol company, which is absurd. Yes I work in Jurong Island.

I’m not complaining that I have chosen this path, but sometimes I really wonder how things could be if I didn’t go to university for an engineering course.

Here are what netizens think:

• Starting a biz isn’t exclusive for non uni grad….And which law says you can only start a biz of your trade?Don’t be envious because you don’t know what they have to go through to make it to the top. And maybe if you learn how they got there, you will be glad you chose the right path.

• That’s your pasar though. There are many equally successful university graduates and many equally unsuccessful non-university graduates. Your life is what you make of it.

• Yours is a common fallacy. With this kind of thinking, you are better off as an employee. Thinking like that will only bring regret and misery, but it would take a herculean effort to switch your thinking around. The education system is still acting like the world of the 1960s, while “looking” futuristic, so don’t feel bad – the programming runs deep.

I don’t know why my gf love to ask me if she’s fat and get upset no matter how I reply. We have been together for a year and I really dislike it when she ask me these kind of questions because of the way she responds.

My gf is a 32C with a 24 inch waist. She’s 163cm and I think she’s underweight. I memorized her dress size so when we go shopping I would help her find her sizes. She’s a xs or xxs. To me, she’s a goddess no matter what she wears. I made a mental note to be careful because once I passed her a size L clothing and she got upset and asked me if I thought she’s this large. My mistake.

Sometimes she would randomly ask me if she’s fat in an outfit. I would say she looks great and she would sulk and tell me don’t bluff her. Sometimes when she scroll ig she would ask me if this influencer looks skinnier and prettier than her. I always tell her in my eyes her figure and looks are the best. Then she would roll her eyes. I don’t know why she like to ask me these kind of difficult questions.

The other day we argued about this then I asked her if she wanted me to say someone else is prettier than her coz even when I said she’s the best she don’t believe and get more upset. Then she cried. I felt bad.and clueless.

I’m not a smooth talker so I really don’t know how to make her feel good about herself. If I say she’s pretty, wrong. If I say not pretty, which I won’t, also wrong.

I love her very much but I cannot stand answering these kind of silly questions. She said I don’t understand her. I really don’t. Why can’t she just tell me what she wants?

Here are what netizens think:

• If she is occupied with something interesting or useful, she wont have time to think about her body size. All the images she is being exposed to,.give her false impression about body images.What she sees on print, media etc are what they want impressionable girls to focus.She just has too much free time on hand.

• She just fishing for praises and attention. Next time she asks you, you ask her back, “Am I handsome?”Give her hell no matter what response you get. Two can play.

• The reality is that her self-worth is tied to all these numbers and sizes. Therefore nothing you say (or anyone else) will ever change her insecurity.Idw to give her shit for her body issue struggles bcos tbh all these unrealisitc expectations for female bodies come from media and society… But if you aren’t prepared for a lifetime of her mental breakdowns regarding her size (which will naturally change with age), you should leave for your sake.You can’t fix her (nor is it your responsibility) and it’s hard for her to change her unhealthy mindset if that’s the basis of her identity.

Ghost Stories – Do you believe in them and why?

Would like to hear your personal anecdotes and why you feel these stories are real or factual!

I personally never experienced any paranormal activity. Interestingly, most ghost stories are always told from a third-party perspective – someone telling you what they saw, random noise they heard or what their mother’s uncle cousin nephew got possessed, or the usual “legend has it that in Changi..”

I’ll start with my arguments against the common “third-eye” story. Friend claims to have a third-eye and can see ghosts lurking in the corner. So she will inform people randomly “btw there’s someone behind you, just saying”.

But I’m thinking like bruh, what can we even do about it? Is everyone here in the room supposed to freak out and run away?

Do third-eyes really exist and how can anyone else know what it’s like except the person who thinks they have a third-eye, or is it just their own delusions?

My personal take is, even if ghosts did exist, as long as you did not do anything wrong towards them (eg. you aren’t the one who murdered them in the first place), they have absolutely no reason to disturb you.

All that being said, I still believe in basic respect, like during 7th month if I accidentally step on a candle I will still whisper “sorry” even if I do not innately believe in it.

Netizens’ comments

1. Not sure whether they it counts as ghost stories, but they are paranormal.
   
   Mysterious “twin” who died
   1: When i was born i had a different name, i had measles and was in the ICU for weeks. My parents found out and traced that one of my long distant relative in China had the same name as me and died of measles, they then changed my name and i got better later.
   
   Ghost sergeant at Tekong
   2: When i was in Tekong, one night, at late night between 11-2am, i saw this sergeant walking the rooms and inspecting to see if people are asleep, i was semi awake (didn’t wear glasses) and he came to me and ask why i haven’t sleep, i say i was woken up by him. The very morning i had fever 39+ degree, got sent back home, the fever lasted more than a week, went to A&E to extend my MC, went to my GP had a jab, nothing brought the temperature down. When i came back, i realize that sergeant was not in my company (never seen before). Didn’t think much about it until years later when i read on stories online.
   
   Cry in sleep when someone is going to die
   3: Sometimes i will cry in my sleep, whenever that happens, it means something has happened in my family. I cried 1-2 weeks before 2 of my uncles, 2 of my aunties passed away, they happened at different occasions / years (no i didn’t dream of them). I also cried week before my mom had a heart attack. So i am especially paranoid whenever i cry during my sleep if ever again. Never told this to any of my family members.
   
2. Opening 3rd eye
   Personally I think it’s fun and exhilarating to listen to ghost stories. As for whether it’s real or not, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I think it’s fair for one to only believe it if it happened to you and you literally see it clearly and not far away or blurry shadow bs.
   According to the age old superstition, one can open the third eye by rubbing one’s eyes with dog’s/cat’s tears (something like that)
   
3. Don’t mess with the supernatural
   Why would people want to see? The 3rd eye is not some app which you can install and uninstall. Its stuck to you. Firstly, ghosts knew they cant do anything to you especially your Lifeforce is Yang major.
   Even if one is Yin based, it will take a lot for them to communicate with one. My friend’s friend (whether to believe is up to you) perform a third eye ritual and is now regretting her decision. It is a dare gone wrong. Now she is under medication.
   Moral of the story – if your Lifeforce is not tough enough, dont try to mess with the occult.
   Yet she said that not all of them are malevolent. Stationary ones who cant leave as their “pivot” now no longer exist. Friendlier ones who wants to ask for help for them to pass on. Naughty ones whom play tricks on her. Terrifying ones which threaten to take over her body. Just like what we see in movies but with much higher frequency. Day and night doesnt matter. There is no such thing as ghost month btw. For her, it means 2 worlds merged into one. There’s no barrier to prevent connection whether good or bad.
   I wouldnt fully trust her story but I wouldnt be ignorant about it.
   Respect for Life / Unlife is important.

Boss yelled at me about something I didn’t do and I am now scared of him

Sorry for any mistakes, I am on mobile and I am crying. I need a place to vent. I work as a medical receptionist/medical assistant at a small psychiatric clinic.

Before this incident I actually really enjoyed working there. Nobody liked our boss but it seemed like I was the only one who would advocate for him.

Today our computer system we use for charting and taking notes was down all day. This of course was extremely stressful for all the patients, providers, and staff.

We couldn’t check or make appointments or run insurance or copays. Every doctors office near us was closing for the day because of this issue.

However our boss forced us to stay open. All the providers and us at the front were telling the boss saying we can’t do this, we need help, or you need to either close us or be here for the day (my boss comes and goes throughout the day, today he was working from home even though he is the office manager).

Now, I go on break at 2:00pm and get back at 2:45pm, a 45 minute break yes? Today because it was so busy and I didn’t realize what time it was, I went on break at 2:04pm, I set my timer for 45 minutes, tell my boss I am leaving for my break (time stamped at 2:04) and leave.

I come back at 2:47 from my break and there is my boss. He starts screaming that I am late and “everyone is waiting for me at the front”.

While he is going off on me my timer to end my break goes off. I tried to explain to him that I left for my break late so I got back from it late.

He wouldn’t listen and kept yelling. He then says he has me on camera leaving the clinic at 1:58. He then told me to “shut up or go home.”

I return to the front and I am crying at this point, I sent him a screenshot of when I slacked him at 2:04 I was leaving and he just shouted at me when he received the text “don’t try me because you’ll lose.”

The worse part is that he yelled at me in front of the whole clinic, I am the youngest employee there and this boss and I have spoken about in the past that the providers don’t respect me because I am so young.

They have treated me in the past as a glorified secretary and now that is all they’ll see me as! I am so hurt by my boss, I really enjoyed working at this clinic but now I feel like I can’t go back.

I’ve been crying all day and my sister said I should quit but this job pays so well. I have been a victim of physical and verbal mistreatment before.

When my boss was screaming at me, it caused panic attack. I’ve been crying all day because of this. My boss left after he yelled at me and a couple providers came out to check on me but I said I was fine and went to cry in the restroom.

I finished the day out and he told me right before I left “a lot of patients today even with the computer issues”, no acknowledgment of what he did earlier.

I didn’t respond and just left. I don’t want to go back to work tomorrow, I am scared of my boss and I don’t know what to do.

I’m an 18(F) dealing with some daddy issues, and usually, I manage to steer clear of the typical ‘traits’ associated with it.

However, things got a bit trickier since turning 18 and never having a boyfriend (I’m becoming a little more desperate).

Let me lay out the situation: I’ve got a thing for guys between 30 and early 40s, love pet names like ‘daddy’ or ‘good girl,’ and find the idea of an older dude dishing out some punishment kind of exciting.

Not only that, but aside from liking men twice my age, I also find men my age just… not attractive at all. It might be a bit weird, but personally, I don’t see it as a big deal.

Or well, that was until about a month ago. After aching to tell my friends for years about this, I finally spilled the beans with the disguise ‘as a joke,’ but they didn’t take it that way because I could be used for my short height and baby face.

Any advice…?

Netizens’ comments

1. First of all, you’re 18 and you realized your issue. Congrats, some people realize it way later in their lives. Start your healing journey, go to therapy, read a lot.
   It’s a long process and you will experience some unhealthy relationships unfortunately but never stop questioning yourself and look at every experience as what you can learn out of it.
2. I’m a bit more than twice your age and often targetted by people your age.
   The only thing an 18 year old girl and 40 y.o. dude have in common is wanting to get laid. You are a child compared to me and if someone my age is pursuing you then that’s a red flag.
   Wait until you are older and the development difference isn’t so big or date someone younger
3. I’m in my late twenties and looking back, men over twice your age especially when you are under 25 will give you more than just daddy issues.
   Most of those older men will ruin you psychologically in the long term.
4. Some people here are pretty alarmist when it comes to age gap relationships, so I’ll offer some advice that’s actually helpful.
   You shouldn’t get into a committed relationship with someone that much older at your age. The chances that they aren’t just using you temporarily are slim to none.
   But if you want a short-term fling, there’s no reason why that cant work out. But decide what you want first and approach it with clear intentions.
   Basically, decide what you want and tell him that and don’t let it deviate. If at some point you start feeling attachment and desire commitment from him, just end it.
5. Oh girllll. I’m 27 now but since the age of 18 I have had relationships with men aged between 40-50 with my last one causing quite a bit of damage and ending September of 2021. I’ve been in therapy for 2 years dealing with my attachment issues.
   I implore you not to make the same poor decisions I did.

My (24f) bf (28m) said he won’t marry me. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3.5 years now.

Randomly the other day the topic of marriage came up as a mutual friend proposed to their girlfriend. He made a comment about how he “would NEVER get married” and doesn’t believe in marriage with anyone.

This came as a big shock because we’ve spoke often about having a future together and he jokingly called me his finance once a few months back.

Marriage is a big goal for me, always has been. I date to marry, as many say. I made a comment after his saying that marriage was a life goal of mine at some point, and I could see myself marrying him.

He looked at me and kinda chuckled, before realizing I was serious and simply just apologized and told me he didn’t believe in it due to never seeing a successful marriage and his mind wouldn’t change.

I guess I’m not sure how to handle this moving forward. Marriage is something I’ve always dreamed of having one day and now I’m starting to question if I’m wasting time in the relationship. How do I move forward from this?

my boyfriend and I have differing opinions on marriage. He’s unwilling to change and I’m not sure what to do now.

Netizens’ comments

1. If you want to be married and he does not, that’s a core incompatibility. It’s time to move on.
2. So I am confused – you’re dating for marriage, you’ve been together for 3.5 years, talked about having a future together, but never uttered the words ‘marriage’ to each other (or more specifically you bringing it up to him?)? Why? You do realize marriage is not the only way to have a future together right?
   Yes you are wasting your time with your bf if you’re set on being married one day. That’s like asking am I wasting my time waiting for my horse to lay an egg – yes you are because the horse told you already he’s not laying any eggs.
   The good news is you’re only 24, and 3.5 years is no time at all in the grand scheme of things. You live and you learn, next time don’t leave things vague
3. If he’s not willing to budge on it, and at the end of the day, it’s his choice and his right not to marry, then maybe it’s time to move on if it’s a deal breaker for you.

Do you think charging for plastic is scummy?

My whole life, except maybe when I was very young and didn’t know anything, I’ve tried to use less single use plastic. Or single use anything really. Not because of the environment, it just felt like a waste.

Still, I’m pissed about companies messing with the plastic. Once, it was removing straws. Now, it’s charging for plastic bags. Selfishly, I just don’t want to pay.

But I recently realised, I never complained about losing 5 or 10 cents. It’s always been “why should they profit off this?”

Where’s the rule that says the proceeds have to go to the company?

I think I would be a lot happier if the government came in and forced companies to declare their sales of bags, straws, whatever, and turn 100% profit (meaning minus the initial cost of bags) over to the government.

I’m happy to pay taxes because I get roads and clean water.

Then we’ll see which companies actually care about the environment. They were happy to provide it for free before, so I can’t see them taking it away. Especially when it degrades their service and makes them less attractive.

I think 99% of them are just doing it for the extra profit. Maybe charging for plastic is the only way to get us to not waste. But I don’t want companies to profit off of it. I’d rather the money go into taxes.

Netizens’ comments

1. I have the exact same thoughts. If they are really interested in preserving the environment, all proceed from that should be going towards conservation.
2. Yes it’s scummy. Most corporations don’t care about the env. It’s just for show and to ensure they are not doing anything illegal.
   So if there are no hard regulations, most are going to green wash instead of saving the env.
   What is the purpose of a corporation? It is to maximise profits for shareholders. The board of directors and senior management have only that thought in mind.
   Their hands are tied, and their own remuneration tied to profits. Is it possible to speak up and use 10M to save the env? Yes, only if it also achieves the eventual aim of profit maximisation with profit maximisation always winning when push comes to shove – which is going to be difficult.
   So that is how marketing teams are form and greenwashing eventually appears.
   Can individuals within the company speak up? Sure. But is it your job scope? Do you have a say? Think about how huge and splintered a company is.
   Even if many people – from legal to accounting to sales – know that replacing plastic straws with paper straws does shit in Singapore context – if they speak up and it’s not in their portfolio, will it make a difference? Nope.
   Cos the point of this replacement is under marketing and it’s just simply greenwashing. Doing it cos every company is doing it. And looking good.
3. The reason for the start of charging for plastic bag is to reduce plastic waste..
   But IMO, we Asians will never waste any plastic bags… All the plastic bags we take, will be reuse as rubbish bags or other usage…
   Go to any Asian house kitchen, open their cabinet, u will definitely find that we store them for other usage…
   So I dunno y they use “save plastic” as a reason for such campaign…

Told my sister if she doesn’t go to the funeral due to her fear of dead people she will blow up all her relationships.

My sister and I are pretty close and we were friends with Kat. Kat recently passed away and her funeral is being held this weekend.

My sister Sammy, has a fear of the dead. She strongly believes in ghosts and even has trouble with any meat due to her beliefs.

I called her up and told her I can pick her up on Saturday. She informed me she will not be going. I asked why and she told me she can’t be around a ghost.

I asked if she was joking and told her she can just stay in the back but everyone is expecting her to go. We are close friends with the family.

I told her she needs to go or she will blow up all her relationships including me. She said that won’t happens and I told her that family will never forgive her and I don’t think I will either since we have known her for years.

She hung up and I got a call from my mom for making her cry and being a jerk for telling her what will happen if she doesn’t go.

Netizens’ comments

1. Regardless of how ridiculous her fear is, it’s not your place to decide what she does and does not attend.
   She doesn’t want to go so you threaten her relationship with you? You’re going to stop talking to your sister because she didn’t attend a friends funeral? Sounds like shes not losing much tbh.
   She can pay her respects in a way she is comfortable, and doesn’t have to attend the funeral to appease you.
   If people are willing to “blow up their relationship” over this, they weren’t people worth knowing anyways.
2. Funerals are supposed to bring comfort to those who were close to the deceased, not the other way around. Your sister has a phobia, a medical condition. Forcing her to go will only hurt her, someone who is already hurting after losing a friend. She’s not going to bring any comfort to the family either if she has a breakdown at the funeral.
   A lot of people aren’t mentally able to attend funerals for their loved ones. It doesn’t mean they love them any less.
   If you really want to support your sister, you could encourage her (kindly, and gently) to seek professional help with her phobia.

Should I stay or leave?

I started with this company at the beginning of the year, viewing it as a fresh beginning because of its unique teaching approach and values.

I genuinely appreciate the excellent work-life balance and the supportive nature of my big boss. Additionally, the location is convenient for my part-time studies.

However, there is a downside. I often feel like an outsider at work, with no close connections and very few people to talk to.

For some unknown reason, my colleagues frequently engage in gossip behind my back, even though I’m not aware of any wrongdoing on my part.

I’ve tried to be proactive, initiating conversations and activities, but they tend to dismiss my efforts, saying, ‘it’s okay, no need.’

I’m contemplating leaving because of my colleagues, but I’m also having second thoughts because I highly value the support I receive from my big boss.

Netizens’ comments

1. I think you can find the friendship balance outside of work. Don’t give it up for gossiping colleagues because it sounds like you have a boss which you can look to as a mentor.
2. Your colleagues are not your friends
3. If you are new, gossipers will want to know which side you are on before they start to engage with you. As gossips fly as fast as backstabbing, they would want to know if they are safe. Be polite and professional. Dont mingle more than necessary. Once they are starved with information, they will have no choice but to indulge (especially if you did something that have the slightest potential of affecting their interests). So bottom-line is dont engage them – let them engage you.
   Eventually you will meet some like minded ones. Maintain distance and observe. Trust what they do not what they say. Act with caution but with kindness. If they reciprocate, they are worthy of your time.
   Most important person is your immediate superior, if possible stay and observe how he handles things. He is your inspiration or your inspiration to do better. Dont hope that you can get a better boss by hopping cos politics is everywhere. You have to sharpen your instincts to navigate them.
4. Why do you care about what your colleagues think of you ?
5. Is this your first full time job? The reason is am asking is that close connection with colleagues can take years to form, especially in a company with mature workers. It is not uncomon for someone to work 5 to 10 years in a company and not make any real friends.
   As for the gossip portion, my take is that human LOVES to gossip behind others back. This is our nature and everyone does it. Have you ever commented on an incident? on a person’s new hairstyle? Talked about something that happened without the person involved present? If you did, you are gossiping behind others back.
   You are new to the company and your co-workers will naturally be interested in you.

I have avoided dating and intimacy with women for my entire life because of my small private part, and I honestly have no regrets over doing so.

I’ll be 29 next month. I’ve never kissed a girl, and am still a virgin. And honestly, I feel fine about it.

I am on the autistic spectrum, so any form of intimacy has always been an intimidating prospect for me. Once I realized that my genitals was smaller than average and I would therefore have to wade through countless rejections before finding a compatible partner, I just decided it wasn’t worth it and began to focus on other aspects of my life.

I’m really into alternate history and worldbuilding, and I’ve got a fantastic concept for a timeline that I’m still working on and struggling to bring to fruition.

Combine that with my sweet little dog, a very good place to live, and a job that I enjoy, and I honestly feel pretty good about where I am.

Granted, there are times when I feel jealous. When I see well-hung men enjoying themselves with other women or cucking another man’s wife and have the realization that I could never participate in those things due to my size.

But ultimately, there is more to do in life besides those things. And there are so many books to read, movies to watch, and video games to play that I honestly think I can live with being alone.

Is there someone out there for me? Sure. But I don’t feel like being rejected dozens of times to find that special person.

Nor do I want to sentence a woman to a lifetime without satisfying penetration simply because she is attracted to me. I’ve thought about this a lot, and the verdict is clear: the most ethical solution is to simply avoid intercourse and relationships at all costs.

That’s all I had to say. Thanks for reading.