Okay so I’m not sure on how to start this, but my sister’s ex boyfriend (Who we will call Anthony) lived with us. He had been staying with us for a few years and we all grew to the reality that he was living in our house.

I was always the one in my family that got along with my sister’s boyfriends since I always chatted with them and we sparked similar interests.

I’m not very sure why it happened, it just always did.

However, I did realize how strange Anthony would be towards me. He would always want to hang around me when my sister was gone and even said he favored me more than my other sisters.

Of course I didn’t think anything of it because he would say it all the time. Although in 2020, things took a dark turn.

After Covid struck and we were all forced to stay inside and quarantine, which meant that we were going to be spending a lot of time all together.

One fateful night though, I got a knock on my door. I was confused, no one was awake at this time since it was so late!

Cautiously, I opened my door and there stood Anthony. He had never gone to my room before so I let him inside and he closed the door.

We start talking and he decides he wants to “Play Fight” I agree since I trusted that he wouldn’t do anything.

Big mistake I’ll tell you that.

So next thing I know, I’m pinned down and bent over my bed. I’m laughing nervously and trying to pull myself up when I feel him press up behind me!

Now all my alarms are going off in my head and it gets worse when he starts moving his hips and pushing my head down.

It took me so long to comprehend that yes, this was happening.

I’m not imagining it, he is really doing this. So now I’m trying to pull myself up and he’s still pushing me down!

My heart is beating fast and I’m worried because I don’t know what to do. My sister’s boyfriend who I trusted so dearly, was standing behind me and grinding against me.

Thankfully he stopped after a few minutes and had me walk him back to his room.

I reluctantly did and he hugs me. Then he hugs me from behind and claims that it was easier more him instead of leaning over to hug me.

But I knew and felt his intentions. Finally, I get back to my room and curl up in bed. That was probably the worst night ever. Sadly it wasn’t the last either.

The same thing happened a few more times before he finally left in the beginning of 2021.

I’m leaving my husband tomorrow, Days like this I just want time to freeze so I can’t have more time to think.

I’ve finally had enough, I love him, but it’s not enough anymore. He has such a drinking problem and refuses to even acknowledge it and I feel like it’s the final nail in the coffin.

He’s maxed out two credit cards on going out and drinking. He’s choked me out while he’s drunk, and on the same night assaulted someone else.

After that, I completely stopped getting intimate with him. I couldn’t handle the idea of him touching me, let alone sleeping in the same bed together.

Did he understand it? Not even slightly, he just kept pushing and pushing intimacy on me so I caved in and let him sleep with others so he wouldn’t be angry with me for not fulfilling his needs.

He stopped couples therapy two years ago, while I continued it.

He goes out to find prostitutes and drinks with his friends and spends massive amounts of money till the earliest hours of the morning and expects me to be okay with it and not question him or what he does.

He says the meanest things; “I’m only good for having *expletive withheld* in my mouth” “You’ll never amount to anything” “Nobody wants you.”

The part that I want to get off my chest is that even though he’s hurt me in ways I never thought I’d experience and he’s the biggest jerk in the universe…

Leaving him feels like one of the hardest things I’ll ever have to do in my life.

I’m scared, because I have no idea what I’m going to do tomorrow.

Netizens’ comments

• You. Deserve. More. You deserve to be happy. I hope the next chapter of your life brings you the joy you’ve been robbed of. Good luck to you in every way.

• I am sorry you’re going through this. I can definitely see how it can be hard to leave him, but know & remember you’re doing what’s best for you. I wish you all the best.

A woman shared how her sister is “engaged” to her ex-boyfriend as encouraged by their father to spite her and her mother.

Here is the story

Hi everyone this is a little complicated. I’m 24f. My parents (44f and 51m) divorced when I was 14. My dad was having an affair, I caught him with the other woman and told my mom about it. He’s hated my mom and me ever since.

My sister (18 now) was seven at the time of the divorce and he started using her as a pawn. He’d tell her lies about me and my mom so she wouldn’t want to live with my mom (he told my sister me and my mom were going to throw away all of her toys, he got her a dog and told her if she stayed over my mom’s house nobody would feed the dog and it would starve) so because of this my sister has wanted to live with my dad since they divorced, and her relationship with me and my mom is pretty strained.

When I was 16 I started dating a guy who was 24. I was with him for three years, I finally left him after he put me in the emergency room for the third time. I just left with my car and the clothes I had on in the ER, I left everything else and drove back to my moms house.

Now my sister announced on social media she’s engaged to him. My mom called my sister furious. She said she’s been dating him for over a year now and my father new about the relationship and encouraged it. She told my mom she was 18 now, (she just turned 18 two weeks ago) it was too late and she couldn’t do anything about it.

My mother talked to my father who basically said for me and my mom to eff off, that he doesn’t blame Alexander for putting me in the hospital and “hopes he does it again if I don’t shut up”. My dad admitted to purposely not telling my mom about my sister dating him, to keeping in contact with him and letting him stay over the house with my sister alone for years, he’s allowing all of this just to spite me and my mom.

Is there any talking sense into either of them?

Im thinking of breaking up with my fiance.

We’ve been together for 4 years. I love him to death. But for the last 2 years he hasn’t had a job and he has no motivation in life.

All he does all day is play video games and smoke. I fell in love with a working man. I know sounds cliche but it’s true. Him having a job made him attractive.

But now, I’m losing attraction to him every day. I can’t even bring up him getting a job because he gets so upset about it.

I just got a really good job and I have a goal for my life. I have a plan. He has nothing. I thought about this a year ago and told him he needs to at least start, START or I would leave.

He hasn’t done anything. I’m scared if I actually do break up with him tho, it’ll push him over the edge. He’s said multiple times I’m the one for him and if I leave him he’s going to die alone.

My situation is also the exact same as my parents. My dad doesn’t have a job and drinks all the time while my mom works her butt off.

I don’t want to end up like them. Unhappy for thirty years where he was gone for about 20 of those. I don’t want the man he’s become.

I want my old partner back.

Netizen’s comments

Tell him exactly this. It will become very clear how much he actually cares about you and your relationship in the coming weeks.

My friend involved in this suggested I post here and make my case lol so here we go. I live in a small old HDB estate and everyone knows everyone else’s business. Last weekend a lot of my friends (mutual friends still with my ex) went to my ex BFs baby shower and they have been talking about it all this week.

I’m so tired of hearing about it. He completely cut off contact with me when we split and we haven’t talked in like 6 years so I feel people should know better than to bring him up around me. I’ll admit at the end of our relationship I wasn’t my best self and did do something a bit extreme so I understand why things ended and why he wants no contact but I also think a lot of his actions drove me to it and I did apologise but it’s left things awkward.

One thing was a bit into our relationship he became a “competitive” gamer and it was impossible to live with. He was always travelling for “tournaments” and “practice” and stuff and yes I’m talking about video games, not a sport. When he was home he streamed so he was literally just always on the computer. I was lucky to get a few hours a day for him to just watch TV with me.

Today a friend was again talking about the shower and I just said I hoped he had his computer addiction dealt with because if not from experience I feel bad for his wife and coming kid. Another friend pointed out it’s essentially his job and him being able to be flexible and work from home is good and apparently him and his new wife game together.

The friend who brought up the baby shower told me not to be bitter and that saying he was addicted to something (even though I didn’t imply like drugs I just said the computer) could be really bad and I need to watch what I say but I just said the truth.

I think if they don’t want my opinion on him and his life they should stop bringing him up to me.

Here are what netizens think:

• It’s literally his job. Also it’s been 6 years – you need to move on

• This is call the typical cannot taste the grapes then tell people the grapes sour

• Kpo sampat, move on la

We are mid-40s and have been in committed r/s for 1 1/2 yrs. Both already have established careers, finances,

(1) kids from my previous marriage and him from a previous r/s. We’ve already planned to be together permanently and marriage has been a possibility. Over a few months last year, I sent him about a dozen pics and links to illustrate what I would like in an engagement ring if the time ever came.

I told him that I’d like a vintage pre-owned old mine cut diamond/sapphire bezel set ring (not a replica) because seeing the wear on the inner band makes me feel connected to history and like I’m carrying on the ring’s story through time.

The design goes with my personal style and the bezel setting goes well with the nature of my job. If we were going to get engaged, he knew how important the ring would be to me since I am a jewellery lover and put so much thought into every aspect of the ring I’d like, which I definitely let him know.

We went to Valentine’s Dinner a day early where I had a few too many martinis. He got on one knee in the restaurant and pulled out a brand new large oval-cut prong-set diamond ring and proposed. Its a beautiful ring but not even close to what I wanted. The night’s still fuzzy, but I didn’t react very well to the ring. Like, not at all.

He’s normally very sensitive to my likes and dislikes, but this time I felt like he didn’t listen or care at all about what I wanted. I admit, I acted ungratefully but I was hurt that he screw up such an important event that I had imagined so differently. When I said it wasn’t what I expected, he said he wanted me to be happy with it anyway because it’s the ring he picked out for me and wanted me to have. I’m the one who has to wear it every day for the rest of my life though and every time I look at it, it reminds me of how he totally ignored my feelings about such a significant event and significant item he expects me to wear daily.

This has erupted into a full-blown questioning of the entire relationship. He says I’m acting spoiled and ungrateful and he doesn’t trust me anymore because I have rejected the ring and he sees that as me rejecting him. He said I embarrassed him at the restaurant by acting pissed instead of excited. He spent more on this than I expected but I’d rather have a less expensive ring in the style I wanted instead of this.

He said he cannot get his money back from the jewellery store but that they said the centre stone (a totally different cut than I wanted) can be set in a different setting.

I’m still really bothered by this and as someone who’s survived an emotionally abusive upbringing as well as emotionally abusive long term relationships, I’ve finally gotten to a place to feel strong enough to stand up for myself and not to settle.

Should I just let it go or continue to make an issue out of it? Am I the red flag or is he?